


Something About Roommates and Girlfriends

by TheLillie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: College AU, Crushes, Drama, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Human AU, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Slice of Life, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2018-08-13 08:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 54,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7969258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLillie/pseuds/TheLillie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nope, nope, nope, cut that train of thought off before it leaves the station. This girl was taken. This was Amethyst’s girlfriend. She wasn’t even Lapis’s type--far, far from it. So what if they can talk for hours together about some dumb TV show? Lapis was still working through some issues from her last breakup anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Slumber Party

As much as she hated keeping her feet imprisoned any longer than absolutely necessary, Lapis had learned to keep her shoes on in the apartment until she reached the absolute safety of her bedroom. Today was a prime example of the reason for that.

“Don’t ask,” Amethyst said, filling the smoking garbage can with fire extinguisher.

Lapis closed the door behind her and stepped over a flaming paper plate. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

“I thought it’d be a good idea to clean up and get rid of the garbage by burning it,” Amethyst answered anyway. “For some reason it didn’t go as planned.”

“‘Kay.” Just a few more steps and she’ll be safe in her room and she can turn her music all the way up and finish studying and ignore everything about this--

“Wait.” She turned. “What are _you_ cleaning up for?”

“My girlfriend’s coming over in, like, two minutes.” Amethyst doused a tiny flame on top of the fridge. “She kinda likes things nice.”

Lapis arched one eyebrow. “Girlfriend?”

“Yeah, y’know. Gal pal, datemate, S.O.--”

 _No friggin duh._ “I know what a girlfriend is. I just didn’t know you had one.”

“Yeah.” All the fire was out now, and Amethyst was shoving the extinguisher under the sink. “Anyway, she’ll be stayin’ over pretty late, so you can just hide in your room ‘n’ stuff.”

Which she was already planning on doing. Which she was _always_ doing. One couldn’t exactly function at school and work while living with Amethyst without constantly hiding in her room. There were only so many Ame-Antics(TM) a girl could take before shutting down.

It wasn't that she disliked Amethyst, per se, it was just that--it kinda was. But she kinda disliked everyone. And a loud, crazy roommate always getting up to loud, crazy shenanigans wasn't exactly conducive to peacefully completing an art degree, especially after also dealing with long shifts at McDonald's with loud, crazy customers.

Not to mention it was a little hard to like anyone after...

_Ding-dong._

“Boop. There she is.” Amethyst hopped down from the counter, where she’d been standing to brush something off the top of the cupboard.

Lapis paused at her door and looked back, boredly curious.

Amethyst’s girlfriend was barely taller than she was, which was really saying something; she probably would’ve looked even smaller if not for her ridiculous spiked-up hair and platform shoes. Even more ridiculous was the way she was leaning against the doorframe and smirking, trying to look cool while apparently either forgetting or ignoring the fact that she was wearing a bow tie and thick glasses.

“Miss me, Ams?” she said.

Lapis almost snorted. Geez, even her voice was ridiculous. Poor chick. Amethyst was probably just using her to do her homework for her or something.

“You look nerdier than usual today,” Amethyst scoffed.

“What?” The girlfriend’s face fell dramatically. “But the whole point of this greeting was to _not_ look like a nerd!”

 _Ha. Fail._ How was she still doing that lean in those shoes without falling?

“Don’t worry, it’s cute nerdy.” Amethyst turned and waved her girlfriend into the apartment. “Lapis! Why are you still here!”

“I live here,” Lapis deadpanned.

“Ugh. Fine. That’s my roommate Lapis. Lapis, my girlfriend Peri.”

“Salutations, Lapis!”

Lapis wasn’t impressed. “Perry? Isn’t that a dude’s name?”

“It’s short for Peridot,” she said sheepishly.

“Isn’t that...not a name?”

Amethyst scoffed again and rolled her eyes, closing the door and putting her arm around Peridot. “You don’t have to be rude about it.”

“It’s actually a type of gemstone,” Peridot explained. “Like Amethyst!”

“Or Lapis Lazuli,” Amethyst quipped.

Lapis bared her teeth in a half-fake-smile, half-real-grimace. “Riiight. ‘Kay. Bye.”

She turned away, but not quick enough to miss Amethyst sliding her hand down to Peridot’s hip.

“Don’t worry about her,” Amethyst murmured. “She’s just always kinda grouchy.”

The door didn’t slam shut, but the little _thunk_ it made as it closed was pretty satisfying.

Finally. Lapis kicked off her shoes and sank into her little swivel chair, letting her toes scuff against the scrubby carpet. Her tablet and pen were waiting faithfully on her desk, ready to be used. While her drawing programs booted up--she’d rather just go straight to sculpting, but the professor docked points if you didn’t sketch a design first--she pulled out her phone and earbuds.

“There’s not gonna be room for both of us on that couch if you stretch out like that.”

“Just lay on my legs, dude. It’s comfy.”

Ugh. How much of an investment would soundproof doors be? Lapis jammed the buds into her ears and started scrolling for the loudest, angstiest album she had.

“Why does it smell like smoke in here?”

“Probably just my smokin’ hot bod. So what movies did you bring?”

Her phone switched out for her pen in her hand. Dumb. Why was Amethyst having a late-night movie marathon when Lapis knew for a fact that she had classes in the morning?

“Well, they’re not necessarily _movies_ , but I’ve brought the special boxed set of all twelve seasons of my favorite television program on limited edition DVDs that include never-before-seen special features!”

_Woooow._

“Alright, then. Pop it in.”

Definitely just using her for homework. And cheap laughs.

“What's this show called?”

“Just wait. It'll show in the opening.”

“Wha--oh. _Camp Pining Hearts_?”

Lapis tightened her grip on her pen a little. She used to love that show.

“This should be a good laugh.”

“Actually, while there is quite a high-quality taste of humor throughout the series, the main focus is on the more dramatic aspect of the romances and relationships between the characters. Most of the time there’s more crying than laughing.”

“Heh, okay.”

Was she seriously taking it all at face value? Everyone knew that most of the drama was meant to be satire.

“Who's that?”

“That's one of the main characters, Percy. Or at least, for this episode it is. He has a much different design in the actual series.”

Were they watching the original unaired pilot?

Lapis looked down at her phone and realized she'd had her earbuds in with no music playing.

Fine. Sighing, Lapis yanked out her earbuds and stood, taking her tablet and pen with her. She could multitask.

Peridot was still talking when she came out, describing in detail the differences between Percy’s original and final appearance. Amethyst briefly glanced up as Lapis took a seat at the table behind the couch, but didn't react beyond that.

 _“From the moment I stepped inside Camp Pining Hearts, I knew my life was about to change forever. But what I didn't know was that_ she _would be the one to change it.”_

“Who's that?” Amethyst asked.

“Tch,” Peridot scoffed. “That's Paulette. Another major character, unfortunately. Percy’s canon love interest until season--”

“Shush,” Lapis said. “I haven't seen this yet.”

Peridot looked back at her, apparently surprised at her presence. Their eyes met for a second.

Lapis frowned and returned her attention to the TV.

“Season four,” Peridot whispered to Amethyst. “Then the writers finally saw the light and realized that Pierre was actually Percy’s optimum match.”

“Uh, spoiler alert.”

Lapis suddenly felt her face flush. Amethyst snickered. They'd spoken in unison.

“See, this is why you don't talk while watching stuff,” Amethyst teased.

Peridot chuckled awkwardly and sank a little, almost hiding her spiky hair from Lapis’s view. “Sorry.”

“‘Sokay,” Lapis replied.

_“But now we were on warring teams. It was either goodbye Paulette… or goodbye Camp Pining Hearts.”_

“The series doesn't have nearly this much unnecessary narration.”

***

About halfway through season one episode three, Lapis remembered there were a few bags of popcorn in the cupboard. Amethyst ate most of it.

By the end of season two, Amethyst was asleep, lightly snoring. Peridot was still talking, though, so Lapis decided she might as well give her someone to talk to.

“Any way I could sit down?” she asked after putting in the season three DVD.

Peridot hummed. Amethyst was sprawled across the length of the couch, her head on the armrest and one arm over the back. Her legs were wrapped around Peridot, one on her lap and the other under her back.

“I don't want to wake her,” she excused.

“Fine. I'll sit on the floor.” Lapis lowered herself down and leaned back against the couch. Her head rested surprisingly comfortably between Amethyst’s knee and Peridot’s. Peridot slouched a little, leaning over Amethyst’s leg and letting her hand hang next to Lapis’s head.

“Ooh, ooh, this is when they switched up to the new opening,” Peridot said excitedly. “It’s got a special cameo from Pierre’s actor for the rap portion.”

“I know,” Lapis deadpanned. “I’ve seen the whole series, y’know.”

“In my opinion, they should have kept _this_ opening for the rest of the show’s run instead of continuing to get a new one every few seasons.”

Lapis shrugged. “It wouldn’t make sense to have this one in season five. Pierre’s not even in that one.”

Even as she said it, she was regretting it. Encouraging her would just make Peridot never shut up.

“Ehhh, I usually just pretend that season never happened.”

“Seriously? The horseback challenge episodes are a pretty vital part of Paulette’s character arc.”

Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking--

Amethyst was still snoring and Lapis and Peridot were still discussing when season three ended and Lapis put in season four.

It turned out that Peridot actually did see the satirical quality of the show, but that there was a lot of emotional value in relating the problems of the characters to one’s own life. They both agreed that Percy’s true happiness lay with Pierre and that his romance with Paulette was forced by heteronormative writers. They both agreed that Paulette would have been better off completely absent from the first few seasons.

The conversation flowed so easily that Lapis didn’t even notice the lull until the mid-season finale fell silent and she heard Peridot sniffle a little in her sleep.

Lapis paused the DVD to stop the next episode from playing and looked back at Peridot, who was completely slumped over Amethyst’s leg. Her hair was significantly less spiky now, her shirt was rumpled, her glasses were askew, her shoes had fallen off. A tired little blush tinged her cheekbones.

It was kinda cute.

Lapis froze.

Nope, nope, nope, cut that train of thought off before it leaves the station. This girl was taken. This was Amethyst’s girlfriend. She wasn’t even Lapis’s type--far, far from it. So what if they can talk for hours together about some dumb TV show? Lapis was still working through some issues from her last breakup anyway.

Blowing out an exhale that turned out more like a fart noise, Lapis stood to turn off the TV and flick on the light. The sudden brightness hit her eyes like a slap, but it wasn’t nearly as bad for her as it was for Peridot, who awoke with a strangled yelp.

“It’s almost four in the morning,” Lapis said. “Go home.”

Amethyst moaned a little as she sat up, rubbing her eye. “Aw, what? I fell asleep before we could even make out.”

Lapis wrinkled her nose. “We all have classes in the morning. Take your stuff.”

“Right. Of course. Sorry.” Peridot disentangled herself from Amethyst and slid off the couch. After piling her DVDs into her bookbag and slipping her shoes back on, she shuffled over to the door.

“Ey, wait.” Amethyst clambered over the back of the couch and hopped to Peridot. “I gotta get at least a little kiss.”

Peridot giggled a little. “Okay, fine.”

Lapis crossed her arms and looked away.

Taken. Amethyst’s.

“See ya later, then!” Peridot adieued. “It was nice talking to you, Lapis!”

Lapis gave a half-hearted wave. The door closed, and Amethyst leaned against it, sighing happily.

“Dontcha just _adore_ her?” Amethyst grinned.

Nope.

“What, you’re not just dating her so she’ll do your work for you?” Lapis said.

“Are you kidding me? I’m not that shallow,” Amethyst snipped. “Peri’s great.”

Taken.

“I don’t know how you could stand her talking the whole time.” Stupid, don’t just deflect it with more snarkiness, that’s not how you solve your problems.

“Uh, that’s the whole reason I watch things with her. I _like_ listening to her talk. And I like _her._ A lot.” Amethyst poked Lapis’s chest with an accusing finger. “So I could kinda do without you being rude to her, okay?”

Lapis pushed Amethyst’s hand away. “Fine. I won’t be rude.” Just her luck that when she actually wasn’t being rude, Amethyst slept through it. Or maybe that was lucky. “I just don’t get _why_ you like her.”

“You wouldn’t get it.” Amethyst waved her off and walked past her to her bedroom. “You don’t like anything.”

_I like Peridot._

Amethyst’s door closed. Lapis tucked in her heels and buried her face in her hands.

_Stupid._

_There is no way this is gonna end well._


	2. Lunch Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and great reviews, yall! Those are totally what keep me going and I'm so glad I got some. You rock!

It was October, finally, something Lapis had been waiting for since last October. The breeze was brisk and the sky was close; the grass wasn’t quite all dead yet, just enough yellow-green left in the yellow-brown. Best of all, of course, the trees on the hills in the distance were a billion magnificent shades of orange and scarlet and gold. Lapis closed her eyes and sucked in as much of the chilly air as she could with one breath, grateful for a job where she could frequently stick her head out the window.

And then she was immediately less grateful when the little minivan approaching inched a little closer.

Lapis held out the paper bags in her hand as the minivan pulled up alongside the window. The driver was a tall, vaguely familiar woman with a pointy nose; the jean-clad legs of a kid were visible in the backseat. 

“Cheeseburger HappyMeal with extra fries?” said Lapis.

“And four ketchup packets, correct?” the woman asked. “Did you count and double-check to make sure? Last time I was here I asked for four ketchup packets and they gave me five and--”

Yeesh.

“Hey, wait, is that Lapis?”

Lapis perked up as the kid in the backseat moved up to peer over the driver’s shoulder.

“Steven, put your seatbelt back on!”

“Hi, Lapis!” Steven beamed, waving. “See, Pearl, I told you this one’s the best! It’s where Lapis works!”

“Nice to see you too, Steven,” Lapis smiled.  _ See, Amethyst, I like some things. Your little brother’s adorable. I don’t need to start getting a crush on Peridot-- _

The driver--Pearl, Steven called her--narrowed her eyes at her. “Do you two...know each other?”

“Oh, I’m Amethyst’s roommate,” Lapis explained. “She brings him over sometimes.”

Pearl was pretty much squinting now. “I see.”

“And this is Pearl, my favorite babysitter!” Steven exclaimed.

Pearl blushed and looked like she was about to protest, but was startled by a honk from the car behind. Lapis flinched and clenched her fist around Steven’s HappyMeal.

“Here. Take it. I checked the ketchup.”

Pearl sighed a “thank you” as she took the bag and handed it to Steven, who was finally getting back in his seat. He yelled an exuberant goodbye as they drove off.

The next order was a big one, not quite finished cooking yet--four Big Mac meals, five apple pies, and a salad for some reason. Lapis loaded the drinks onto a carrier and leaned out the window to tell the customer to go park and wait.

“Was that Pearl just now?”

_ Aaaand we’re back. Just set a new record for shortest good mood ever sustained. _

“What are you doing here, Amethyst?” Lapis asked tiredly.

Amethyst took the drinks. “Uh, getting lunch.”

“And also stalking someone she knows,” Peridot piped up from the shotgun seat.

Great. She couldn’t catch a break. What were the odds of not knowing Amethyst had a girlfriend for weeks and then randomly seeing her two days in a row? 

“Your food’ll be ready in a few minutes,” Lapis recited shortly. “If you could just wait up there.”

“Ugh, okay, but answer my question when you bring it!”

The window bounced back open after she slammed it shut. Thankfully, Amethyst was already pulling forward.

Lapis gritted her teeth as she gathered the next order to hand out. Work stressed her out enough without having to also deal with those two. She didn’t want to think about Peridot. Couldn’t she get a few hours without having her shoved in her face?

“Crispy chicken sandwich combo?”

“Why can’t any of you kids ever smile? You should greet people more cheerfully!”

There was a story on the internet somewhere where a girl got told to smile and so she propped up the corners of her mouth with her middle fingers. But if Lapis did that she’d be yelled at and then fired. So she gave a big fake grin and reminded herself that at least she had the weather to be happy about.

There, that was two things she liked. Steven and the weather. There was absolutely no reason to think of Peridot as the only one. Besides, Lapis wasn’t sure if she even  _ really  _ liked Peridot in the first place. She was probably just thinking that because it was four in the morning and sometimes you got loopy when you were tired.  _ There we go. Problem solved. _

“Four Big Macs are done,” announced one of her coworkers. “You gonna take ‘em out, Lap?”

“Yeah, I got it,” Lapis called. The order made sense now, tons of junk for always-eating Amethyst and the salad probably for Peridot. Lapis adjusted the food on the tray a little and shifted her weight so she could carry it above her shoulder, her elbow braced against her hip, the salad in a separate plastic bag dangling from her free hand.

_ Yes. Going outside. _

Amethyst’s scuffed-up Volkswagen Beetle--“I like watching people beat each other up when I go by,” she’d said--was in the corner of the parking lot with the windows rolled down, the conversation inside floating loud and clear across the space. Lapis walked slowly, delaying the inevitable as long as possible, trying hard to focus not on their voices but on the sharp air kissing her neck and flirting with her hair.

“Literally I’ve never seen her eat. Ever! Like, I saw her drinking some tea once but that’s it. There is no way she would ever be at McDonald’s.”

So that’s why they were stalking Pearl. Lapis took a few more deep breaths.  _ Think happy thoughts, happy October thoughts-- _

“Well, she has to eat sometime. It’s a basic human survival need.”

“I think she’s from outer space. Greg’s hired an alien to take care of Steven.”

“Then why would an alien be at McDonald’s?”

“She was getting stuff for Steven,” Lapis said, stopping at the window.

Amethyst and Peridot both screamed a little, startled by her presence.

“Geez louise, L, you don’t have to sneak up on us like that,” Amethyst complained.

“I wasn’t trying to,” said Lapis. She held out the plastic bag in her hand. “Salad.”

“Mine!” Peridot--whom Lapis was still not thinking about and absolutely did not have a crush on--reached over and Amethyst handed the bag to her. She put the salad on her lap and arranged the fork and dressing like she was setting a table. Nerd. Amethyst, on the other hand, just started eating right away out of the first bag she grabbed.

“Remind me again why you feel the need to have four lunches at once?” Peridot asked.

“Gotta bulk up, dude,” Amethyst said through a mouthful of burger.

Lapis held in a sigh. “Could you take the rest of your food?”

Amethyst nodded distractedly as she swallowed and kept talking to Peridot. “Wrestling season just started and the girl I gotta beat by the end is a beast. She’s like, ten feet tall. No joke.”

“Sounds like an exaggeration.”

Amethyst took the second bag of food. “Still, though, she’s huge. And undefeated. Look ‘er up, I think her name’s like…”

Lapis cleared her throat and wiggled the third paper bag.

“I’m grabbin’ it, I’m grabbin’ it,” Amethyst drawled, now cramming in a handful of fries. “It was something dumb, like--Dapper Ducks, or--Jasmine something--”

“Jasper Brooks?”

_ CRASH. _

Amethyst and Peridot looked up at Lapis. 

She was standing still, staring blankly. She’d dropped the tray with the last bag of food. French fries were scattered across the asphalt. Her fingers, barely noticeably--especially to herself--were trembling.

“You okay, dude?” Amethyst asked.

Lapis blinked once. Twice.

And then Peridot snapped into action, unfastening her seatbelt and exclaiming, “I’ll help pick it up!”

The sudden shout pulled Lapis back to herself, and she started moving as well. “Sorry! I got it, I’ll--”

Peridot’s door shut and she ran around the front of the car, lurching to her knees to scoop up the fallen fries. Amethyst was getting out to help, too. Lapis shook her head and put the bag back on the tray--the burger and pies were still safe.

“Is there a trash can nearby?”

“Nah, man, five-second rule.”

“Ew!”

Lapis curled her lip. She’d never be able to get used to Amethyst’s gross eating habits.

But that was fine, because occupying her mind with being grossed out was better than thinking about Peridot which was better than thinking about--

_ Stupid. Can’t even think about not thinking about her. _

Amethyst caught eye contact with her. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“Was it something I said?” Peridot worried.

“I said I’m fine.” Lapis stood and shoved the bag at Amethyst. “I need to get back to work.”

She stalked away and didn’t look back. The wind felt more like it was biting her now.

***

Somehow she managed to get through the rest of the day without breaking down crying or punching someone. When her shift finally ended, Lapis shoved her earbuds in and made sure to actually turn on some music as she waited at the bus stop. Anything to drown out her head.

When the bus arrived, someone bumped into her while climbing on. She clenched her fists and didn’t judo flip the guy over her shoulder.

She was probably just overreacting because she was still tired from last night. She just needed to catch a few winks of sleep on the bus and then get home and go straight to bed.

Lapis slid into the first empty seat and leaned against the window, positioning her bookbag on her shoulder to use as a makeshift pillow. Her music was loud enough that she barely noticed the rumble of the bus as it started moving, and it served its purpose of distracting her from everything quite well. It was only a few minutes before she felt herself starting to drift off.

And then her music stopped.

Lapis sat up a little and glared at her phone. Who was calling her? The number wasn’t in her contacts, nor did she recognize it at all. Probably a telemarketer or some crap like that.

A tiny smirk tickled at the corner of her mouth. Okay. Another thing she liked: messing with people. Lapis held the phone up, hit ‘answer’, and carefully positioned her hand over her mouth for optimal noisemaking.

_ “Prbbbfft.” _

“...Hello?”

Lapis inhaled and blew on her palm again.  _ “Plrrbbbfft!” _

The next words from the person on the other end were quieter, like they were speaking to somebody else. “Amethyst, are you sure you gave me the right number?”

_ “Prbbt--”  _ She cut off the noise, surprised. It was Peridot. Perfect. She was inescapable.

“Why, what’s she saying?” Amethyst said faintly.

“Nothing. All I can hear is...flatulence.”

Aw, geez. Lapis  _ plrbbft _ ed again, but the sound was shaky with laughter. 

She could hear Amethyst snickering in the background, too. “That’s her, all right.”

“Fine.” Peridot’s voice returned to the receiver. “Lapis, this is Peridot. I’m calling to apologize for anything I might have said or done at lunch that could have made you in any way uncomfortable. I’d also like to inquire what exactly that might have been in order to refrain from repeating it in the future.”

Lapis sank a little deeper into her seat. The noise she made now was like a low, drawn-out sad wet fart.

“Erm. Are you going to speak?”

_ “Plrbft.” _

“All right, then,” Peridot said, sounding mildly annoyed. “‘Blrpt’ once for yes, twice for no. Are you going to speak?”

Amethyst was laughing again. Lapis rolled her eyes and  _ blrpt _ ed twice.

“Very well. I can make this method of communication work.” Peridot cleared her throat. Then her tone became significantly softer. “Are you okay?”

Lapis was silent for a moment.  _ “Prbbft.” _

“Was there something I said this afternoon that caused you to be upset in any way?”

It would be easy to lie, to just say she got frustrated because Amethyst wasn’t getting her food fast enough or something. But for some reason she didn't.  _“Blrpft.”_

“Was that what made you drop the tray?”

_ “Brpft.” _

“...Was it when I brought up Jas--”

Lapis tugged the phone away from her ear and jabbed her thumb at the ‘end call’ button, not letting Peridot finish the word.

Almost immediately the screen lit back up with Peridot’s number. Lapis turned her phone off and shoved it into her pocket.

_ Don’t think about her. Don’t think about her. _

No music. Fine. Lapis laid her head against the window and let the vibration rattle her skull, juggle her thoughts. The bus itself was plenty loud enough to drown her out.

_ Don’t think about Peridot. Don’t think about Amethyst. Don’t think about Jasper. _

_ Don’t think about her. _

_ Don’t think about her. _

 


	3. Rock Concert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know this took forever buuuut...it's rather long and fairly packed so enjoy

_ Knock-knock-knock. _

Lapis opened her eyes and rolled over to face the door. Her little glowing alarm clock told her it was just almost midnight. She’d been lying awake in bed for three hours. 

“What?” she grumbled to the person outside the door.

The door cracked open, letting a strip of low light from the dim living room spill onto the wall next to the bed. 

“You awake?” Amethyst asked.

Two days had passed since her panic attack at work, and though she’d been silently going through the motions of being okay, every moment had been full of strain and soreness. Forcing herself not to relive every worst memory. Failing to forget, reflecting on every regret. She’d barely seen Amethyst or Peridot in that time--or maybe she had, and just failed to fully process it.

Lapis pushed her blanket off and sat up a little, yawning. “What do you want?”         

“I dunno. Just got home. Wonderin’ what’s up.” She opened the door a little more to poke her head into the room. “You’ve been, like, dead all week. Plus Peri said your fart noises sounded a little stressed out the other day.”

Lapis scoffed slightly and rolled her eyes. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Yeahh, I’m not exactly worried? You’re a little too hardcore for that. You can handle yourself.”

She looked up at her.

“I just thought you might want a little break,” Amethyst said. “Yknow, get outta your room, do somethin’ fun.”

“You do realize what time it is, right?” Lapis replied, wrinkling her nose.     

Amethyst rocked back on her heels. “Mm, just in time for us to catch a super rad midnight rock show if we leave like right now.” 

Lapis rubbed her eye and brushed her bangs off her forehead, surprised. “You’re inviting me to a rock show?”

“Greg was gonna take me and Peri but then he bailed at the last minute.” Amethyst flashed a few strips of paper in her hand. “Sooo we’ve got an extra ticket. You in?”

Ah. Lapis’s excitement faded. “You’re inviting me to third wheel on your date.”

“C’mon, Pazuli, you don’t have to be so negative about everything,” Amethyst coaxed, waving the tickets. “It’ll be fun. Promise. At least try to have a good time.”

“I need sleep.”

“It’s Friday. You can sleep over the weekend.”

Lapis pursed her lips. This invitation had ‘bad idea’ written all over it. It was combining almost everything she was trying to avoid right now. The only thing she wanted to do--the thing she  _ needed  _ to do, the thing she’d been needing to do all week--was shut up her stupid brain and go the heck to sleep.

Amethyst started pulling her arm out of the doorway. “Last cha-ance…”

But she couldn’t sleep anyway.           

“Don’t leave without me,” Lapis said. “Gimme a minute to get dressed.”

Amethyst grinned and shut the door. “Right on!”

***

The show was at an amphitheater on the beach, pinching the last bits of available outdoor-event-weather before winter started threatening. The temperature was just cold enough for heavy sweatshirts and leather jackets to be practical, especially if paired with hats or scarves. Lapis had some thin gloves on as well; Amethyst and Peridot seemed content warming their hands in each other's pockets.

“Alright, P, you brought your big guns?” Amethyst joked, elbowing Peridot’s side.

Peridot paled. “Why would I bring weapons to this outing?!”

“She means your arms,” Lapis said.   
“This thing looks packed. ‘Specially since we’re late. There’s gonna be some major moshing,” Amethyst explained. Her jacket sleeve bulged a little as she flexed one arm. “Gotta be ready to stake your territory.”

“Ah. I see.” Peridot sniffed sharply. “Then yes, I suppose I’m ready!”

“We’ll see if Lapis’s got any muscle on her skinny arms, too. Whaddya think?”

Lapis shrugged. “I’m not really one for physical violence.”

“Boo! Snore!”

“There’s no shame in safety,” Peridot defended. “Although, if safety is your goal, I’m not sure if it’s all that practical to have foregone protective footwear.”

Lapis glanced down at her bare feet and kicked the cold sand.

“I’ll be careful,” she said flatly. “I don’t like shoes.”

Peridot clearly liked shoes. She was wearing platforms again, boots this time, that added almost a whole foot to her height. And again, somehow, she was managing to do what should’ve been impossible in such ludicrous heels. Lapis sometimes found herself slipping when she walked on sand in normal shoes. How did Peridot do it so effortlessly? While actually making it look good, too?

_ You’re thinking about her too much. _

Lapis shoved her gaze forward.

“I think there’s a spot up over by the edge,” Amethyst pointed out. “I’ll race ya! Loser buys drinks and snacks after!” 

She took off running, and Peridot scampered after her. “Hey! No fair!”

_ Dang. She can even run in those? _

Lapis caught up to them a little later. Up on the stage, the opening act was in the middle of their song, meaning that the moshing was already approaching full swing. Amethyst and Peridot were dancing together, hands clasped, fists raised, hips bouncing to the beat. 

Lapis bit her lip and looked up at the stage, lightly tapping her toes. She couldn’t really see the band over the heads and arms of the crowd, but their sound was getting through plenty clear. Almost the same kind of stuff she usually listened to, but more upbeat--not just loud enough to erase the bad thoughts, but able to start changing them to something better.

She looked back at her companions. Amethyst was dancing like a professional rocker, Peridot like a professional dork. Peridot opened her eyes, saw her watching, and grinned at her.

_ At least try to have a good time. _

Lapis grinned back at her.

Then she closed her eyes and started dancing.

Now, she knew she was in no way an actual dancer, and she wasn’t trying to be. She didn’t try any fancy moves or spins or really anything past bobbing her legs and shoulders up and down. And the song really only played for about thirty more seconds after she started moving.

For about thirty seconds, she skipped in place and waved her arms at her sides and smiled. For about thirty seconds she heard nothing but an upbeat song and a happy crowd. For about thirty seconds she didn’t think about anything. 

And then a final guitar chord rang out and the audience screamed and Lapis opened her eyes.

The smile didn’t fade for a few more seconds.

Then--

“See? Told you we’d find some quality babes at this show.”

“Eep!”

Lapis whirled at the sound of Peridot’s yelp, unconsciously moving defensively in front of her. Amethyst was doing the same on the other side. The noise of the concert faded into the background.

“Relax,” chuckled the attacker, a jerk-type-looking guy wearing too-tight jeans and a bandana around his neck. “It was just a little love tap.”

“Don't touch her,” Amethyst snarled.

Peridot clung to Amethyst’s arm and slid behind her. The jerk was joined by a pair of buddies, one with a weak little chin-beard and one wearing a fedora.

“Looks like we found a nice group. A gal for each of us,” taunted the alpha jerk. 

“Though I don’t know what a pair of beauties are doing with this tub of lard,” Fedora sneered.

Amethyst growled. Lapis felt her nails cut into her palm.

Chin-Beard spoke next. “I don’t know. I might like my ladies with a little meat on ‘em.”

_ Gross. _

“We’re not interested, so leave us alone!” Amethyst yelled.

“Whoa, no need to get pushy,” Alpha Jerk replied, hands up defensively. “I’m just lookin’ for one dance.” He tilted his head to focus on Peridot. “Whaddya say, four-eyes?”

Lapis turned away from the men and gently grabbed Peridot’s shoulder, urging the others to do the same. “Come on. Let’s just ignore them.”

“Hold on. Nobody can ignore  _ Kevin.” _

He grabbed her wrist. His fingers touched the gap between her sleeve and her glove.

Lapis froze.

“That’s more like it,” he said as she slowly turned back toward him. “Now, if you’d pay a little attention, I’d--”

Reacting half intentionally, half instinctively, Lapis grabbed the jerk’s bandana and flung him backwards.

He flew almost gracefully across the air, then landed very un-gracefully on top of his henchmen.

He staggered to his feet, leaning heavily on his buddies. “What’s your problem?!”

“She  _ said  _ to leave us  _ alone _ ,” Lapis enunciated.

Chin-Beard took a step forward. Lapis clenched her fists, daring him to come at her.

“Whoa, careful,” Fedora worried. “Kev, let’s just bail.”

Alpha Jerk scoffed disdainfully, almost looking like he was about to spit, and turned away. “This concert blows anyway.”

They stalked away. Lapis straightened, letting her arms fall neutrally at her sides.

“Holy smokes,” Amethyst and Peridot said in unison.

Lapis turned. Amethyst was beaming with excitement; Peridot looked more like she was in shock.

“Peridot, you okay?” Lapis asked.

Peridot blinked, then shook her head and beamed as well. “That was great.”

“I’ll say!” Amethyst agreed. “‘Not really one for physical violence’--Lapis, that was totally sick! Where’d you learn those moves?”

Lapis shied away a little, raising her shoulders. “I’ve...got some experience. Throwing jerks around.”

“Well, if whoever it was tries to mess with you now--” Amethyst punched Lapis’s arm-- “you’ve got backup.”

“Not that she’ll need it,” Peridot said.

Lapis didn’t lower her shoulders, but almost smiled.

***

About two hours later, the concert ended and the crowd cleared out. Peridot had parked her pickup truck a ways down the beach, so they had another few minutes to hang out while they walked. Amethyst and Peridot decided to roll up their jeans and walk in the surf, the former boldly laughing and the latter timidly squealing. Lapis carried their shoes and Peridot’s glasses for them and looked on from a distance, careful to stay away from the water.

“Hey Lapis, c’mon!” Amethyst coaxed. “The water’s not as cold as you think!”

“She’s lying! It’s frigid!” Peridot hollered.

Amethyst splashed at her in playful vengeance. Lapis just barely allowed herself to laugh.

“Just put the stuff down and jump in!” Amethyst insisted.

“I’d rather not,” Lapis said.

“Ah, come on!” Amethyst started chanting, pumping her fist. “Do it! Do it!”

“Nyeh!” Now Peridot was the one splashing, causing Amethyst to screech a little. Lapis watched them pal around for a moment, watched them battle to see who could get the other the most drenched. At one point Peridot achieved the upper hand by beckoning Amethyst over for a peace offering of affection, then catching her off-guard and knocking her under the surface. That made Lapis snort.

It could be pretty fun to join them. To shake off her inhibitions and pretend to be a little kid again. To let the water wash off the spot where that jerk touched her wrist.

But then a wave crashed on the sand a little louder than the rest, and she was reminded of the cold and the suffocation and the helpless sensation of drowning.

“Okay, okay, okay, new game,” Amethyst said, pushing back her sopping hair. “Since we're both equally wet, five hundred points to the person who can get  _ Lapis  _ soaked.”

Lapis snapped up her head and locked her knees.

Peridot looked over, flicking her hair out of her face. Droplets of water flew from the mussed strands, some of which were still defiantly stiff with gel.

_ Aw, geez, she looks hot. _

Peridot turned back to Amethyst and splashed her again. “I'd rather just keep getting you wet.”

“Guess I automatically win, then.  _ Advance!” _

With the battle cry, Amethyst charged at Lapis.

Lapis tried to skid backwards. “Amethyst, I don't wanna--”

“C’monnn!” She grabbed her arm.

“Let go of me! I'm serious!” Lapis yanked away, but Amethyst just latched onto her other arm, pulling her closer and closer to the edge of the water. The shoes and glasses fell to the sand.

“Amethyst, maybe you should--” Peridot tried.

“Live a little!” Amethyst insisted.

Foam splashed around Lapis’s ankles, and she pulled harder against Amethyst’s grip. “Stop it! Don't put me in the water!”

“Ame--whoa!”

At the scream, Amethyst froze, dropping Lapis’s arms. Peridot had disappeared under the surface.

“Peri?!” Amethyst cried.

Peridot exploded back up out of the water, arms flailing, an unseen force tugging her out to sea. “Help!”

“Peridot!”

Rip current. If Peridot panicked and tried to swim back to shore--

Without thinking, Lapis inhaled and dove into the waves.

Immediately the more rational part of her brain regretted it. The saltwater attacked her lips and eyelids like acid, stinging and burning. Icy hands of tide and current clawed at her chest and throat. Cold wet sand scraped at her soles and toenails.

But she kept on. Her arms pushed her forward and then wrapped around Peridot’s middle. Fighting for breath, she launched herself to the side and kicked, propelling them out of the rip.

Near the back of her crying mind she heard someone saying her name. She kicked again, putting more distance between herself and danger, bringing herself back to the shore. 

Her feet hit the ground again and her torso lifted out of the water.

“Guys, are you two alright?” Amethyst asked, her voice on the edge of frantic.

Peridot laid her hands on Lapis’s arms around her waist, leaning on her for support as they shuffled out of the water. “I've been worse.”

_ You don't need to still be holding onto her. _

Lapis released Peridot and stood up on the dry sand. Her heart was still hammering; her hands were still shaking.

Well. Now she was officially just as soaked as they were, if not more. She glanced up at Amethyst, expecting her to make some sort of quip about winning the game. But Amethyst just stepped back a little, eyebrows arched in concern and worry.

“I think--” Peridot coughed. “I think I have some towels in my truck. We should dry off before leaving.” She straightened and adjusted her hair; when she spoke again, it was with her more usual know-it-all confidence. “We wouldn't want to get any water damage on the seats, now, would we?” She lifted her chin and marched over to where her pickup truck was parked, grabbing her shoes and glasses on the way.

Amethyst bent and picked up her own shoes, then held them against her hip and smirked at Lapis. “How many more times are you gonna save our butts tonight?”

“Two’s my limit,” Lapis answered.

The truck came into sight, along with Peridot climbing out of it with a towel draped over her head. Another pair of towels was in her hands.

“We can rest for a little bit in the back,” she said, handing Amethyst and Lapis each a towel. “I think we might all still be a little tense.”

“You got that right,” Amethyst muttered.

Together they climbed into the bed of the truck and laid out their towels--Lapis on one side, Amethyst on the other, Peridot between them. Lapis sat down and curled her knees up to her chest, peeling off her wet gloves, rubbing her wrists, struggling to stop trembling. 

_ That was too close. That was too hard. That was too much. _

_ But it's over now. You're fine now. _

“I'm sorry,” Amethyst said. “I shouldn’t’ve tried to pull you in.”

“I shouldn't have overreacted like that,” Lapis replied.

“Well, it all worked out towards a positive end,” Peridot reasoned.

Amethyst sighed loudly and flopped down onto her back. Lapis and Peridot followed her lead.

For several minutes they lay there in almost-silence, breathing heavily. Lapis stretched out on her towel, forcing herself to relax.

_ It's over now. _

After a while she didn't have to force it. Relaxation came on its own--through the stillness of the stars above her, through the coolness of the water and air upon her, through the steadiness of Peridot’s breath beside her. Her heartbeat steadied.

“I feel like this is where we all reveal our tragic backstories or something,” Amethyst said.

“Are you offering to go first?” Lapis replied, turning her head.

Amethyst gave an overexaggerated shrug and hummed an I-don’t-know. “Like, I didn’t mean specifically. That’s just the sort of movie vibe thing I’m gettin’ here.” She chuckled. “Most tragic thing in my life I can think of off the top of my head is that Greg missed this epic show.”

“Greg probably wouldn’t have been able to throw those jerks as efficiently as Lapis did,” Peridot interjected.

Amethyst laughed. “Yeah. He probably would’ve just threatened to call the police on them or something. ‘Hey, you guys realize sexual harassment can get you six months’ jail time, right?’”

“Can it really?”

“Heck if I know. They’d probably be dumb enough to believe it.”

Lapis shifted to her side a little, facing Amethyst and resting her head on her hand. “So, how exactly are you so cool with Greg? I thought the cool girl’s always supposed to hate the stepdad.”

“Naw, man, Greg’s the bomb.” Amethyst stretched her arms up above her head, still smiling up at the stars. “My mom used to date a bunch of different guys when I was growing up, and he was always my favorite. I was totally psyched when they decided to get married and stuff.”

“What about your biological father?” Peridot asked.

“Meh, I was adopted, so I’m pretty ‘don’t know, don’t care’ about either of my birth parents.” She shrugged again. “I had Rose. I have people like Pearl and our other friend Garnet--Garnet’s  _ really  _ cool, by the way, I should totally introduce you guys to her sometime. But other than them, I guess...my mom was all I ever really needed.”

The softness of her tone made the corner of Lapis’s mouth twitch up a little. Not quite a smile, but halfway entertaining the idea of one.

After a tranquil moment, Peridot broke the silence. “Why you only talk of her in the past tense?”

Amethyst’s smile faded.

“Hm? Oh. Yeah.” Her gaze dropped. “She’s--she’s not around anymore. There were...complications, or something. When Steven was born.”

Oh.

_ I guess that pretty much counts as a tragic backstory. _

“And, y’know, it’s not--” Amethyst huffed. “It’s not like I resent him or anything for it. Greg or Steven. At least--” She exhaled through her teeth, her voice lowering. “Least, I try not to, but--”

She trailed off.

“It still feels like it’s their fault she’s gone,” Lapis finished.

“And I know they both blame themselves for it a little bit, and that makes it worse,” Amethyst said. “I try to not think like that most of the time. Sometimes it gets bad. But...we’re working on it.” She sniffed. “Pearl and Garnet too. We’re working through it.”

Lapis lay back on her back. A cloud drifted across the moon. 

“Well, at least you have someone to be there for you,” Peridot said. “My mother cut off communication with everyone I know after she kicked me out. If not for you two….”

_ “You  _ got kicked out?” Lapis said skeptically. “For what?”

Her tone was flat. “Hmph. My mother demands perfection in all areas of life. Apparently my performance recently hasn’t been quite up to par.”

“Well, that’s a load of bull,” Amethyst declared. “Nobody’s perfect. And you’re probs the one I know who gets closest to it.”

Peridot giggled a little and rolled her face into Amethyst’s shoulder. “Thanks. You, too.”

“Psh, nah, you are.”

“No,  _ you  _ are.”

Lapis bit her tongue. 

They really cared about each other. They were soft and tender with each other, they had fun, they smiled and meant it. They teased and poked fun, affectionately, never with any sort of malice. 

Maybe it wasn't Peridot she liked. Maybe it wasn't Peridot she was jealous over. Maybe it was just that she and Amethyst had each other, in such a good way.

“Alright, Laz-er beam, your turn,” Amethyst chirped. “What's your emotionally scarring parent situation?”

“I can't remember the last time I saw or heard from my parents,” Lapis confessed. “Don't know where they are. Don't think they know where I am.”

“How'd that happen?” Amethyst asked.

“We just--stopped talking. Just before I moved out.” Lapis knotted her fingers together over her chest. “Part of it was probably because of the girl I was dating. They didn't really approve.”

“Why? Just homophobia, or--?”

“No, not like that. It was her specifically they didn’t like. She was--”

_ Don't talk about her. Don't think about her. _

Lapis shut her mouth.

“Well?” Amethyst prodded. “She was what?”

_ Stupid. You can't just leave the sentence hanging like that.  _

“Amethyst, she doesn't have to talk about it if she doesn't want to,” Peridot said.

_ You owe these guys some sort of explanation. _

Lapis exhaled.

“She was Jasper,” she said. “Jasper Brooks. And she was--we weren’t all that good together.”

Amethyst and Peridot didn’t respond to that for a moment. Lapis squeezed her eyes shut, but immediately was attacked with a mental image of Jasper; she opened her eyes and tried to focus on seeing what was really there. The sky. The stars. Different shades of blue and gray--inky atmosphere, powder clouds, pale silver moon surrounded by a paler periwinkle glow. Everything so soft and cool and distant, a bittersweet goal too far away to dream of reaching. A stark contrast from the sharp, heavy, blazing, overbearing memories still fighting for her focus.

“That’s why you dropped the tray the other day,” Peridot said quietly.

“Yeah.” Lapis folded her hands closer together. “It was just...a really bad relationship. I’ve been trying to forget about it.”

_ I’ve been trying not to miss it. _

Amethyst clucked her tongue and brought her hand up to her face, the movement drawing Lapis’s eyes. “Aw, man, you should’ve told me about this a while ago. That’s why you’ve been so spacey since then, too, huh? I’m sorry, dude. I wouldn’t’ve brought it up if I knew how much it bothered you.”

“No, it’s not your fault, it’s mine,” Lapis said hurriedly. “I just--try so hard not to think about it, and then when I do then I can’t  _ stop  _ thinking about it and brings down everyone around me and--”

She stopped, realizing she was ranting.

“I’m sorry.” She pressed her hands to her forehead, wanting to cover her face but refusing to remove her eyes from the sky. “You guys shouldn’t have to deal with this. I shouldn’t burden you.” 

“Lapis.”

Peridot sat up.

Lapis looked at her.

“You’re  _ not  _ a burden,” Peridot said seriously. “If we didn’t want to listen to your answer, we wouldn’t ask.”

“We’re here to listen,” said Amethyst, sitting up as well. “That’s what friends are for.”

Lapis blinked.

“Since when are we friends?” she asked quietly. Not bitter, not skeptical, not sarcastic--for once. Sincere. Surprised.

“Laz, you and I have been living together for, like, a month and a half, and you just rescued Peri from a riptide or whatever,  _ and _ you epically saved us from those jerks,” Amethyst said. “If that doesn’t make us friends, I don’t know what does.”

“And anyone who ships Pierrecy so devotedly is a friend in my book,” Peridot chimed with a silly grin.

Lapis felt her cheeks redden.

And then, before she could react, Amethyst and Peridot had pulled her into a hug. 

Lapis stiffened at first--this was too sudden, too startling, too close for comfort. 

“No matter what kind of crap parents or exes or anyone throws at us, we can count on these dorks having our back,” said Amethyst. “We’re there for each other. Right?”

Lapis loosened.

Then she hugged back.

“Right.”

Above them, it felt like the moon was smiling.

“And hey.” Amethyst pulled away and reached over to affectionately punch Lapis’s shoulder. “When it comes time to beat Jasper into the dirt at the wrestling tournament, I’ll make sure to give her an extra pounding for you.”

Lapis scoffed. “Thanks.”

“Welp!” Peridot suddenly straightened her back. “Feels like we’re all dry now! The seats should be safe to sit on without being damaged.”

“Oh yeah, and you still owe me those snacks,” Amethyst added. 

Lapis inhaled and nodded. “Let’s head home.”

***

On the way back, Lapis stretched out over the backseat while Peridot drove and Amethyst took shotgun. They stopped briefly at a convenience store, where Peridot bought some candy, chips, and sodas for them to share. 

Lapis asked Peridot how she knew Jasper. She said they’d grown up in the same hometown and been casual friends mainly due to pressure from their parents. Jasper came from a crummy school, but was the best of the best there, so Peridot’s mother all but forced them to associate. They didn’t talk much after parting ways for college, and of course had lost contact altogether after Peridot got kicked out of her home.

When they asked for her story, Lapis hesitated around the answer. Amethyst started to press out of curiosity, but Peridot assured that she didn’t have to say anything that she didn’t want to.

Amethyst fell asleep shortly after that. Peridot asked Lapis how she first got into watching  _ Camp Pining Hearts.  _ They stayed on that topic for a while.

When they got home, Lapis nudged Amethyst awake before getting out. Amethyst stayed in the truck for a little bit to kiss Peridot goodnight. Lapis didn’t dwell on that enough to feel bitter about it at all.

Despite everything, the next morning Lapis would be able to honestly say that she got a good night’s sleep that night.

 


	4. Study Date

Lapis wrinkled her nose as she glanced between her sculpture and her sketch. Her professor encouraged a little improvisation from start to finish, but the two were now nearly unrecognizable as the same product. Hopefully she’d still get full credit for the project.

“How’s it going over here, Lapis?” the professor asked as she wandered around the studio.

Lapis straightened a little. “Oh. Hey, Professor V. It’s okay.”

“I’m sensing some frustration in your original design,” Vidalia observed, squinting one eye. “But it’s not quite there in the same way in what you’re constructing. Care to elaborate?”

“Hm? I dunno about frustration or anything,” Lapis shrugged, adjusting a piece of metal that was sticking out of an old tire--the focal point of the sculpture. “But I am thinking of switching the flag on top out for a beach towel.”

Vidalia rubbed her chin with thumb and forefinger, thinking. “Has anything happened in your everyday life that might’ve inspired these changes?”

Lapis shrugged again. “I went to a rock concert this weekend with some friends.”

The last word felt a little giddy leaving her mouth. It’d been a while since she actually had friends. And even if those friends were a slobby, irresponsible roommate and a smug nerd she was still trying really hard not to have a crush on, it was kinda nice just to know that she had them.

“I don’t really know about putting any sort of deep meaning into it,” she said. “I just like keeping it simple.”

“Well, whether or not you want to admit it, I think your art shows a really true level of emotion,” Vidalia insisted with a smile. “You might not even realize it while you’re doing it. Try to dig deeper! You might find something surprising.”

Lapis stuck her lips out in a little pout. What was there to find? Everything she was doing was just obvious on the surface. She was watching Camp Pining Hearts while she drew the design, so it had the Camp Pining Hearts flag. She’d been laying on a beach towel last night, so now she wanted to switch it to a beach towel. Was there really anything that significant about that? And where did she see anything about frustration?   
“You’ve got a lot of natural talent, Lapis,” Vidalia continued. “I think you should try to use it to find some meaning for yourself. And when you do, I want you to call me right away.”

She turned away to check her watch before Lapis could respond. 

“Alright, it’s that time!” Vidalia announced to the class a few minutes later. “Put away your materials, cover up your works, if you’re not finished yet you can do that tomorrow!” Vidalia turned back to Lapis and lightly tapped her shoulder. “Do you have a moment? I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Sure,” Lapis said, turning her heels together and holding her hands in front of her chest.

“What I said about you having talent was legit. Your art is really amazing,” Vidalia said. “There’s an abstract sculpture exhibition coming to the local museum in a few weeks, and I’d like to feature some of your work in it. Would you be okay with that?”

Lapis’s hands jumped up, almost covering her mouth.

“I-I’d love that!” she said. 

“I thought you might,” Vidalia smiled. “We could take a few of your existing pieces from here in the studio, and then if you’re all set with all your other classes, I can pull you in for some overtime to create one or two new ones. Cool?”

Her grin faded.

“And...what if I’m not all set with my other classes?” Lapis said.

Vidalia clucked her tongue. “Well, if you’re gonna need that overtime to make sure you’re passing the semester, I’m not gonna let you use it up for this. Don’t want all that tuition to go to waste, right?”

“Right, right,” Lapis said hurriedly. “I was just asking--hypothetically.”

“‘Course you were.” Vidalia smirked and started moving away. “I’ll let you take off now. Lookin’ forward to seeing what you present!”

Lapis nodded and scooped up the rest of her stuff.

***

It was a little bit hard to focus at work that day. Fortunately, it was a slow day, and all the difficult customers seemed to happen to land on her coworkers, leaving her a little bit of leeway for distraction.

This art exhibit could be a huge break for her. If she could get her name and her work out there for other people to see, especially at a museum as popular as the one they had, it could seriously launch her career. She could sell something. Sell lots of things. Be an actual artist, not a stupid starving student with no future flipping burgers at McDonald’s forever.

But then there was that little classes catch.

She was currently failing pretty much everything.

Hey, it wasn’t her fault college was hard and she couldn’t focus when she was tired and she still couldn’t afford to actually get the stupidly expensive textbooks. It wasn’t her fault all the required classes were subjects that she just naturally sucked at. 

She’d have to step up her game. Somehow. In only a few weeks.

Lapis handed a bag of food to a customer and banged her head on the drive-thru window as they drove away. Hopeless. There was no way she would get caught up in time. Good-bye, dreams.

The restaurant fell quiet, the lunch rush over. Lapis still had about a half an hour left of her shift, but by the looks of it she wouldn't have anything to do. Nothing to do but obsess over her problems and rack her brain for some kind of solution.

Her phone buzzed. After a brief glance around to make sure she wasn’t going to get in trouble for texting at work, she pulled it out of her pocket to see a message from Amethyst.

_ post says shes Deduced A Partial Explanation For Your Initial Curtness from when i brought er over that one time _

Lapis arched an eyebrow and typed back a quick response.  _ Post? _

_ *pdot. peridot. lol,  _ Amethyst replied.

Oh. Autocorrect.

_ she says its cus u thought peri was a guy name and jaspers a guy name too,  _ Amethyst sent.  _ shes such a dork lol _

Lapis pursed her lips.

_ Lol,  _ she texted, straight-faced and unamused.

That might have been part of it. Subconsciously. Mostly she was just crabby because she didn’t want to be distracted from her schoolwork.

And suddenly the lightbulb clicked on.

Hurriedly she typed,  _ Hey, is Peridot good at math and science and stuff? _

_ uhhh yeah thats kinda her major,  _ Amethyst responded.

Lapis hovered her thumbs over the keyboard for a moment, hesitant. Then she shook her head and solidified her decision.

_ Do you think she’d be able to help me out? _

_ probs. why? _

_ Can you ask her for me? I don’t have her number saved on my phone. _

_ uhh oki sure _

“Lapis, quit texting your boyfriend,” one of her coworkers snipped, nudging her shoulder with the back of her hand as she passed by. “Jenny spilled something by the fridge and she needs help cleaning up.”

Lapis blew a short raspberry and shoved her phone into her back pocket. “I was texting my roommate. And how many times am I gonna have to tell you I’m a lesbian?”

“Whatever, just--help us clean.”

Lapis started moving to obey, but paused as her phone vibrated again. “One sec.”

The number on the screen was unfamiliar at first, but then she recognized it as Peridot’s from when she called her on the bus. Amethyst must’ve asked her fast. Lapis tapped the message.

_ I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WILLING TO ASSIST YOU IN YOUR CLASSES. WHAT TIME WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET _

Yeesh, why was she stuck on caps lock? Lapis held up a finger to her impatient coworker and typed with one hand.

_ Anytime’s fine. My last class ends at 4. You can just stop at our place whenever. _

_ I WILL BE THERE AT FOUR THIRTY. DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU _

_ Yeah, that’s great, thanks _

_ YOU;RE WELCOME _

Smirking and shaking her head, Lapis put her phone away and went to grab a mop.

Maybe she had a shot at this after all.

***

“Is that my hairbrush?”

Lapis jumped at Amethyst's sudden appearance, then glanced at the hairbrush. “I just grabbed the first one I found. If you don't want other people using your stuff you shouldn't leave it laying around everywhere.”

“Nah, keep it. It's not like I'm gonna use it,” Amethyst shrugged. “Toss me a couple hair ties?”

Lapis slid open a drawer and grabbed a few elastics. Amethyst took them with a “gracias” and started heaping her hair into a messy bun while Lapis resumed fluffing her bangs.

“What're you primping up for?” Amethyst asked, a hair tie held between her teeth. “Your study date with Peridot?”

“I'm not primping. And it's  _ not  _ a date,” Lapis argued. “I just wanna look presentable.”

“Hah, okay.” Amethyst sidled a little closer to Lapis to check her reflection. “You two better not get up to anything behind my back while I'm gone,” she teased, elbowing Lapis in the side and laughing as she walked away.

Lapis leaned out the bathroom door to watch Amethyst leave. “Where are you going?”

“Wrestling practice.” Amethyst flexed her arm and grinned. “Have fun on your study date!”

“It's not a date!” Lapis repeated, but Amethyst had already shut the door behind her, her farewell cackle lingering in the air.

Lapis scoffed and returned to fixing her hair in the mirror. How could Amethyst joke so flippantly about something like that? Like she was almost  _ encouraging  _ Peridot to cheat on her? How could she be so casual considering that? If anything like this had happened while she was dating Jasper--

_ Stop it. _

_ Don't think about her. _

Amethyst was just messing with her to make her uncomfortable because that's what Amethyst did. She was just teasing her because they're friends. Peridot was coming over to help her with her classes because they're friends. And that was okay.

There. Her hair looked nice now. 

Lapis grabbed her tablet and a couple notebooks from her room and dumped them on the couch. It was probably only about four fifteen, so she had a while to sit down and get a bit of a head start before--

_ Knock-knock-knock. _

Of course she showed up fifteen minutes early.

_ Knock-knock-knock-knock-- _

“Coming,” Lapis called, standing. Peridot kept knocking until Lapis swung the door open, leading her to almost hit her in the face.

Peridot straightened hurriedly, adjusting her bulky over-filled backpack. “Hello, Lapis!”

“Hey,” Lapis replied. “Are there textbooks in that backpack? Cus I kinda don’t really have any.”

Peridot’s enthusiasm wilted a little.“Oh. Um--no. B-but I do have electronic versions of several textbooks downloaded on my computer!”

Lapis waved Peridot into the room and closed the door behind her. “Then what’s that great big square thing?”

“You know, Lapis Lazuli, I’m glad you asked.” Peridot swung her backpack off her shoulders and onto the couch, unpacking it as she spoke. “I thought I'd bring in something of my own to help with our study session. Numerous studies, not to mention my own research, have proven that listening to music before and/or during work can significantly enhance memory and productivity, especially depending on the type of music playing, and so…”

She dramatically stepped away, the big square thing all set up on the table behind the couch. “Ta-da!”

Lapis’s eyebrows jumped to the top of her forehead.

“You’ve got a record player?!”

“A little old relic I managed to snag on my way out the door when Mother evicted me,” Peridot bragged happily, puffing out her chest and making the already-too-tight buttons there strain a little more (not that Lapis noticed, not that Lapis would ever let her eyes even accidentally stray there, not on your life). “It’s made itself a comfortable niche in my truck, but I thought this occasion would be the perfect time to bring it out to show someone.”

Lapis climbed up and knelt on the couch to stare more diligently at the record player. It was a beautiful piece of work, totally vintage but in mint condition--probably from the early sixties, 1965 at the latest, but by looks it could’ve been brand-new. The case was covered in thin cinnamon-brown leather; the platter and plinth were sleek shiny black. It’d be the perfect accessory to a temporary art piece, and oh my gosh, if she could actually get some era-appropriate music playing on it, the perfect testament to the simultaneous ephemerality and immortality of life as we know it--

_ Find some meaning for yourself,  _ her professor’s words echoed in her head.

“You better not let Amethyst near this, she’d totally wreck it,” Lapis said.

“Oh, Amethyst loves this thing. She thinks it’s very  _ cool. _ ” On the last word Peridot winked, proud of herself. She started digging through her backpack again, and kept speaking: “Now, as for studying, I’ve brought over a few records that I’ve personally found to be most effective in assisting focus. Regular underlying tones, no distracting lyrics, soft but energetic instrumentals--ooh oh oh!” She pulled out a record. “This one! One of my favorites. It’s called ‘Theme from An Endless Romance.’”

Lapis scoffed, but gently took the record from Peridot’s hand. First her devotion to  _ Camp Pining Hearts,  _ now this? “You’re really into the schmaltzy stuff, aren’t you?”

Peridot chuckled a little, blushing.

“W-why don’t I--” Peridot cleared her throat and took the record back. “Why don’t I get this started while you get out some of your work.”

Lapis realized she was blushing too, and yanked her eyes away from Peridot’s. “Right, right.”

As Peridot got the record situated on the player, Lapis opened one of her notebooks and flipped to a clean page for some calculus work. Fortunately, all the problems for this class were on the professor’s website, which she already had bookmarked on her tablet. She just needed Peridot to maybe explain one or two of the topics and then she could do the rest on her own.

The music started. It was lighthearted, jazzy; cheerful and simple enough. Had a bit of a sparkly holiday vibe to it. Lapis smiled a little as Peridot settled down on the couch beside her.

“So, why the sudden enthusiasm to get a tutor?” Peridot conversed.

Lapis shrugged, deciding to keep it honest. “I wanna enter an art show in a couple weeks, but I can’t participate unless I’m caught up with all my other classes.”

Peridot arched one eyebrow. “You’re an artist?”

“Majoring in it,” Lapis replied. “Why?”

“Hmph.” Peridot pursed her lips and sat back against the back of the couch. “It’s just not a very smart path to follow.”

Lapis sat up a little, her tone rising from curious to challenging. “And why’s that?”

“Well, lots of reasons,” Peridot shrugged. “Little to no viable careers, even less practical function or purpose in society as a whole--”

“Art has a  _ huge  _ purpose in society,” Lapis argued.

“Then what is it?” Peridot asked skeptically. “It doesn’t provide food or energy or any sort of necessity, it doesn’t make anything easier or more efficient--it’s generally just a complete waste of time!”

“It’s  _ not  _ a waste,” Lapis insisted. “And it doesn’t have to be ‘efficient’ or whatever to be important. It just helps with emotions and stuff.”

Peridot stuck her lips out a little more, expression loosening as cynicism made way for interest. “How so?”

_ Find some meaning for yourself. _

Lapis set her jaw and stuck out her chin.

“Well, say, for example, maybe you...like someone you shouldn't like,” she said, before realizing her words and quickly amending, “Or you're having some other sorts of feelings like that. And it's not something you want to tell anyone about. Or it's just hard to talk about. And you don't want to just let your feelings get bottled up in silence inside you, so...you express them through art.”

She was looking at the record player now, watching the vinyl spin. 

“And then…when people see your art,” Peridot said softly, “they can understand?”

Lapis glanced at Peridot for a split second before looking back down and fixing her hair. “Yeah. Or they can find their own emotions in it.”

Now Peridot was staring at the record player. “Just like music.”

Lapis smiled at her. “Yeah.”

A soft, rolling chord signaled the end of the song.

“Erm, speaking of music--” Peridot shifted to face Lapis, but kept her eyes down, fidgeting with her fingers. “I, um, I realized the other day that I never really thanked you for what you did at the concert.”

Lapis cocked her head to the side, surprised and a little confused by Peridot’s words. The next song on the record was starting now, a quieter tune with a little more serious tone.

“Just--how you saved me,” Peridot continued. “Us. It was very…. Thank you.”

“You’re...welcome, I guess,” Lapis replied, unconsciously rubbing her wrist. “I mean, I was just going off instinct, mostly. Anyone else would’ve done the same.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you did,” Peridot countered. “You jumped right into the ocean to rescue me even though you’re clearly afraid of water--”

“I’m not afraid of water, I just--don’t like...being in it. Anymore.”

“You still dove in to save me.”

“It was nothing, honestly,” Lapis maintained. She didn’t want to remember it. She didn’t want to think about it.

“I think it was incredibly impressive.”

Lapis looked at her. Her expression was solemn, serious, but not in an unhappy way. Her eyes and mouth smiled while her brow and jaw stood firm. She really meant what she was saying.

“Thanks,” Lapis said.

Peridot grinned wider.

Then she perked up, self-confident and self-assured. “And so, in a humble attempt to repay the favor, I’m going to personally make sure you pass all your classes with flying colors!”

Lapis snorted. “Okay. Here, this is some of the stuff I need to catch up with for my first thing.”

“What is this, calculus? Ha! This’ll be a cinch.”

For the next two hours they worked hard to the sound of ‘An Endless Romance’, breezing surprisingly fast through each assignment. Lapis wasn’t sure if the jazz was doing the trick, or if she really just needed the catalyst to stop procrastinating, or if Peridot was just an exceptional tutor.

She was leaning toward the last option. Even though pretty much every time her thoughts started to get off track, it was Peridot’s fault--when she leaned too close to point at something, or when she laughed too happily at her own jokes, or when she leaned over the back of the couch to switch the record to the other side and her shirt came untucked and a little strip of stomach and hip threatened to give Lapis a heart attack.

Lapis tore her gaze away. They were just friends. This was not the kind of thing you were supposed to feel about your friends.

They were friends.

That was good enough for her.

At six thirty, Peridot checked her watch and declared that they’d have to continue studying another day. She had her own classes to work on, and she liked to stick to a regular schedule about it.

“What days are you free?” she asked.

Lapis shrugged. “All of them. I literally have nothing ever going on.”

“Hm,” Peridot hummed, rubbing her chin. “Well, then, I suppose I’ll look through my schedule and then we can coordinate via text message.”

“Cool,” Lapis smiled. “Lemme help you pack up your record player--”

“Oh, no, about that.” Peridot cleared her throat. “I’d like you to keep it. A gift.”

“What?!” Lapis exclaimed. “Wait, you can’t--you can’t just give something like this away!”

“You have more use for it than I do,” Peridot proclaimed. “An extra thank you for saving my life. And an apology for my disrespect of your love of art. And a simple token of our new friendship.”   
“I-I can’t accept it.” Lapis took the record off the platter and practically shoved it at Peridot. “I have my own music I can listen to. Or I can look up these songs on the internet or something.”

“And completely ignore the necessity of the original atmosphere and sound quality?” Peridot gasped, and Lapis couldn’t tell if she was really as aghast as she seemed or just joking. “I won’t allow it.”

“Okay, but I really can’t take a gift like this.”

Peridot huffed. “Fine. A compromise, then. I’ll leave it here until your tutoring is complete and/or your art show begins. And then I’ll take it back. Acceptable?”

Lapis dropped her shoulders. Man, this girl was stubborn. “Alright, acceptable. Thanks again.”

“You’re absolutely welcome again.” Peridot smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Another problem solved by the stunning intellect of Peridot Rabara!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lapis chuckled. “Now get out of here before your study schedule’s screwed up.”

“Goodbye, then! Until next time!”

“See ya later.”

The door shut with a  _ clack,  _ and Lapis was alone.

After staring at the closed door for a second, Lapis turned around and rested her arms on the back of the couch to stare at the record player. She didn’t take her eyes off it as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket.

She had friends. She had a plan. She had a chance at a career. She had a chance at a  _ future _ . And she had a beautifully crafted, beautifully functioning, beautifully vintage record player. 

She wanted to tell someone about it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Professor V.”

“Oh, hey, Lapis. What’s up?”

Lapis reached forward and touched one fingertip to the needle of the record player. “I think I found the meaning of my art piece.”


	5. Car Chase

_ SLAM. _ “SUR-PRIIISE!”

Lapis jumped and flinched at the sound, so hard that she nearly fell off the couch. Rapidly she regained her bearings and fear turned into anger.

“Amethyst, you’re not funny!”

Amethyst laughed and slid into the room. “I dunno, I think I’m great. Say hey, Steven.”

Aw. Just hearing his name boosted her mood. And sure enough, there he was, standing next to his sister with a hot-dog-shaped duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “Hi, Lapis!”

“Hey, Steven,” Lapis waved, but she still wasn’t quite done being mad at Amethyst. “Could you try to be a little less loud? You’re gonna give me a stroke.”

Amethyst waved Steven in and shut the door, throwing a casual “sorry” at Lapis that didn’t sound sorry at all. She was shiny and smelly with sweat from wrestling practice, and her hair was falling out of its bun. Her stuff promptly was dropped on the floor as she strolled toward the bathroom. “Imma shower. You guys can chill or whatever.”

A week had passed since Peridot dropped off the record player, and it’d been a good week. They’d established a plan and a routine: three times a week, from four thirty to six thirty, Peridot would come over and turn on some jazz on the record player and guide Lapis through whatever problems she was having with her work. Amethyst had wrestling practice two of those three times, so usually it was just Lapis and Peridot alone in the apartment; when Amethyst was there, she’d lounge on the couch next to them scrolling through Tumblr on her phone and occasionally making comments, or she’d ignore them and mess around in the kitchen. It served to be such an effective system that Lapis was already well on her way to being completely caught up, and with high grades no less. Vidalia had already started printing out and putting up fliers for the art show.

“What are you doing here, Steven?” Lapis asked.

Steven stepped around some of Amethyst’s mess to come sit by Lapis on the couch. “Dad’s got some work overnight and Pearl and Garnet are both busy, so they said I could sleep over here tonight. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, of course. Have you had dinner yet?”

“I’ll make it,” Amethyst hollered from the bathroom over the sound of running water. “Hey, where’d Peri go? We saw her truck outside.”

“She just left,” Lapis called back. “You must’ve missed her.”

“Aw, what?” Steven lamented, wilting a little. “Amethyst said she’d be here. I kinda wanted to hang out with her, too.”

The water turned off. “Sha, we should go chase ‘er down!” Amethyst poked her head out of the bathroom, pulling her tank top back down over her stomach, apparently abandoning thoughts of a shower. “If we hurry, I bet we can snag her.”

“Yeah!” Steven agreed excitedly, standing back up and trotting toward the door. 

“She's got a study schedule,” Lapis tried to protest. “We shouldn't bug her.”

Amethyst groaned. “Lapis Lazuli, you are literally no fun at all.”

Steven frowned briefly at Amethyst, but the expression was so small and so quickly replaced by a smile that Lapis wasn’t sure it’d actually been there.

“C’mon, Lapis, it’ll be great!” he cajoled. “We’ll just catch her, say hi, and then come back home and let her study!”

Lapis sighed. He wasn’t gonna let her sit home alone, was he. “Fine, but if she gets upset, I’m putting all the blame on Amethyst.”

“Works for me.” Amethyst held the door open, and Lapis followed Steven out. 

***

Peridot wasn’t hard to find. She fairly close by, and her big light blue pickup was easy to spot. Steven, sitting shotgun, was the first one to point her out.

“Let’s pull up next to her and make funny faces out the window,” he suggested happily.

“Try honking,” Lapis said from the back, where she was lounging with her feet up across the seats. “See if she freaks out.”

Amethyst grinned with one side of her mouth and waved her hand a little. “Not yet, not yet. Let’s see how long we can tail ‘er before she notices.”

“What if she doesn’t notice us until we’re all the way at her house?” said Steven.

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen her house,” Amethyst replied, tapping her turn signal to follow the truck into the left-turn lane. The evening was fairly clear, with just a few other cars here and there--the perfect amount of traffic that they could keep on Peridot’s tail easily but inconspicuously.

Or not. As soon as the arrow turned green, the truck zoomed into the turn and continued off alarmingly fast.

“I think she noticed alre--”

Lapis’s words were lost in a yelp as Amethyst sped after Peridot.

“Amethyst, be careful!” Steven worried.

Peridot took a right, still too fast, and Amethyst did the same. 

Lapis braced her arms and legs and grabbed tight to the fabric of the seats wherever she could. “I don’t think a punchbuggy’s really cut out for  _ Fast and Furious!” _

“Chillax, you guys,” Amethyst laughed. “I’ve had this thing for  _ years  _ with zero problems.”

They veered around another corner, causing a few cars to honk. Steven yelled a “sorry” out the open window, but Amethyst didn’t seem to even notice.

“Something tells me she doesn’t want to be followed--”

_ Vroom-- _ another corner-- _ vrumm-- _ another curve--

An empty stretch of road extended after the next stoplight, letting the truck pick up some more speed and put distance between them. She sped through just as the light turned yellow.

“I’m going for it!” Amethyst declared, pushing harder on the gas.

“Oh, no,” Lapis said.

Steven pressed himself against the back of the seat. “Amethyst--”

The light changed.

_ Zroom! _

“Amethyst!” Steven cried. “The light was red!”

“Li’l life lesson for you, Ste-man--when there’s no cops around, anything’s legal!” Amethyst laughed. “We are catchin’ this girl!”

They were further away from the city now, driving up a curving road that led toward the top of the mountain. The danger here wasn’t in the risk of hitting other cars, but the risk of taking any wrong turn and careening off a cliff.

So basically, Lapis was really glad they were all wearing seat belts.

“She took a back road.” Lapis risked her safe grip on the seat to point. “On your left.”

Amethyst stuck her tongue between her teeth and yanked on the steering wheel.

The gravel on the back road opened up to a grassy area, with a few bushes and a tree or two--and no other way out. A dead end.

The pickup veered to the right and then slammed on the brakes.

Amethyst spun to a stop alongside. Peridot was getting out, fists clenched.

“Why are you following me?!” she yelled.

Amethyst laughed as she opened her door. “Why do you think, hot stuff?”

“Peridot!” Steven waved as he got out of the car as well, followed by Lapis. “Hi!”

“You even brought Steven with you?” Peridot groaned, uncharacteristically angry. “Do you just want everyone I know to see me humiliated?!”

“Humiliated?” Amethyst repeated in confusion.

“We just wanted to say hi!” Steven attempted to defuse the tension. “Maybe see where you lived--”

Peridot growled and gestured toward the truck. “Well, you’ve seen it.”

The words fell out of her mouth and landed hard on the ground, like a vase knocked over in frustration.

Lapis, Steven, and Amethyst stood in silence.

Peridot crossed her arms and turned away from them.

“Why do you think I always keep so much stuff in there?” she said bitterly. “It’s all that I have.”

A wave of understanding and guilt washed over Lapis, and her hand unconsciously dropped to Steven’s shoulder. He kept shifting a little, thinking, trying to figure out something to say; Amethyst was at a similar loss for words, but she didn’t move or take her eyes off Peridot. As the silence stretched on, Lapis stared at the ground and covered her face with one hand.

_ If she has so little...why’d she give her record player to me? _

Finally Amethyst spoke, but the words she said didn’t seem that helpful.

“...Dude, you’re homeless?”

Peridot gritted her teeth. 

“Yes, I’m homeless! I’m living in a pickup truck!” she snapped. Her hands were balled into shaking fists and her face was scrunched up in burning shame. “I can’t afford a real place! I can barely afford to stay at this school with the dwindling savings that were all Mother let me keep! And since apparently I’m not good enough at  _ anything _ to manage to get an actual job, the only reason I’m able to even  _ eat  _ is thanks to  _ charity! _ ”

She kicked the ground, sending a rock pinging into the side of her truck.

“And even if I did have a place,” she continued, “nothing’s ever going to feel like home because I just  _ can’t _ do  _ anything _ like I’m supposed to!”

She stood up straight and opened her eyes. They were glistening with tears.

_ We should’ve left her alone. _

“So now you know.” She sniffed, then turned around and started walking away.

Steven started forward. “Peridot, wait--”

“Steven.” Amethyst held out her hand to motion him back. “Gimme a sec with her.” She looked over at Lapis. “Keep an eye on him for me?”

Lapis hesitated, gazing over at Peridot as she sat on the ground a ways away and curled her knees up to her chest.

“C’mon,” Lapis said, putting her hand on Steven’s shoulder and gently turning him around. “Let’s sit in the car.”

Reluctantly, Steven allowed her to nudge him back toward Amethyst’s bug. She opened the driver’s side door and he crawled across to the shotgun seat; Lapis slumped down behind the wheel and closed the door.

“I told her we shouldn’t bother her,” Lapis mumbled. “Someday she’ll learn to listen to me.”

Steven didn’t say anything. Lapis drummed her fingertips on the bottom of the steering wheel. They sat in silence for several moments.

“Why are you and Amethyst so mean to each other?” Steven asked quietly.

Lapis paused and looked at him, surprised. “What?”

“You always seem happy hanging out with me, but when Amethyst’s here you just give her the cold shoulder,” Steven said. “And when you’re apart, you never have anything nice to say about her.”

“Th-that’s not true, I--” Lapis tried to argue, but suddenly found herself stuck for words.  _ Was  _ she being mean to Amethyst? “We’re friends now. We’re--she’s--”

“You’re not really acting like it,” Steven murmured.

Lapis stared down.

_ “What, you’re not just dating her so she’ll do your work for you?”  _

_ “You better not let Amethyst near this, she’d totally wreck it.” _

_ “Amethyst, you’re not funny!” _

“I have been kind of horrible to her, haven’t I,” Lapis said flatly, before shaking her head and shoving the blame away. “But she hasn’t exactly been great to me either! She’s always loud and annoying and leaving her stuff all over, and she’s just irresponsible and careless, and she keeps forcing me to think about things I don’t want to--”

“But she said she was sorry for that, didn’t she?” Steven replied. “She’s been trying really hard to reach out to you.”

_ “Hey. Are you okay?” _

_ “I'm sorry. I shouldn’t’ve tried to pull you in.” _

_ “I’m sorry, dude. I wouldn’t’ve brought it up if I knew how much it bothered you.” _

Lapis looked back out to the beach. Amethyst and Peridot were talking--a little too far away for their exact expressions to be visible, but she could tell the conversation was going somewhere. Somewhere good.

“It’s a good thing we came,” Steven said. “It may not seem like Amethyst really cares about a lot of things, but she cares about Peridot. They can work this out.

“Yeah,” Lapis muttered. “They’re great together.”

_ I bet that’s why I’ve been treating Amethyst wrong. _

“What do you mean?”

Lapis pulled in her lips and bit them, realizing too late that she’d actually said that last bit out loud.

_ Whoops. _

Dangit. Steven was a champion meddler--he’d never let her get away with keeping this a secret from him. 

On the bright side...for a kid, he was actually kinda wise sometimes. Maybe he’d have some advice. Or at least something that’d give her a bit of an idea of how to solve this.

“Can you keep a secret?” Lapis asked. “And you have to promise not to think less of me for it.”

Steven gave her a bit of a sideways look, but then cautiously nodded. “Okay. I promise.”

Lapis inhaled. Then she squeezed her eyes shut and blurted, “I think I have a crush on Peridot!”

Steven gasped.

Loudly. Slowly. Overenthusiastically.

Lapis opened her eyes to see him grinning at her, his cheeks squished between his hands.

“You’re not mad?” she said incredulously.

“Are you kidding me? That’s so cute!” The kid was practically squeeing. 

“It’s not cute! It’s terrible!” Lapis argued. “She’s _ Amethyst’s  _ girlfriend!”

Steven put his hands down, expression softening. “Lapis, you shouldn’t ever feel bad about liking someone.”

“You should when they’re taken.”

“Hmm...well, look at it this way,” Steven suggested. “When you like someone, that means you want them to be happy, right?”

“Yeah,” Lapis said tentatively.

“And you want Peridot to be happy, right?”

“Yeah.” It was certain this time. “I want...I want them both to be happy. They’ve done a lot for me.”

“Then if you're just doing all you can to make them both happy, then you have nothing to worry about,” Steven said. “That's what real love is.”

Lapis scoffed good-naturedly. “I don't  _ love _ them.”

“Well, I love them,” Steven grinned. “And I love you. And you all love me! So it works out!”

Lapis laughed and slung her arm over his shoulders. “Okay, Steven. Whatever you say.”

Steven beamed and hugged her. She happily returned the embrace.

It would work out. She had nothing to worry about.

“You still can't tell anyone, though,” Lapis murmured.

“Okay, I won’t.” Steven chuckled and released her. Together they looked back at the beach. Peridot was standing, one hand wiping tears from her eye and the other hand in Amethyst's, her eyes downcast and her lips still moving. Amethyst stood as well; Peridot looked up at her; they embraced. After a long moment, they broke apart and started walking toward the cars, still hand in hand. They were both smiling.

Lapis opened the door and climbed out of the car as they approached.

“I've, erm--” Peridot cleared her throat. “Amethyst has proposed a solution to our problem which I hope you'll find agreeable.”

“She's gonna live with us. For a while,” Amethyst elaborated. “If that's okay with you. Just, like, til she's on her feet with a good job and stuff. Which I’m gonna help her with.”

“I'll sleep on the couch,” Peridot promised. “And I'll do plenty of chores, and I'll take care of my own food, and I'll help pay rent and everything--I don’t have much money, but I’ll figure something out--I won’t make any messes or cause any trouble or--you’ll barely even know I’m there! I’ll just--”

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” Lapis said.

Peridot straightened, folding her hands in front of her chest. “Really?”

“One problem, though.” Lapis put one hand on her hip and motioned toward Steven with her thumb. “If you take the couch, where’s Steven gonna sleep tonight?”

Peridot lifted a finger, mouth open to respond. Her idea apparently died in her mouth.

“I can sleep in Amethyst’s bed!” Steven chimed.

Amethyst chuckled and ruffled Steven’s hair. “I think you’re gettin’ a little too big to share a bed with your sis, meatball. Keep the couch. Per can share with me.”

Peridot’s face flushed pink.

“Just for tonight,” Amethyst winked. She dug her car keys out of her back pocket and tossed them at Lapis. “You can get Steven and the bug back in one piece if I go with her, right?”

“Sure,” Lapis nodded.

Amethyst clicked her tongue in approval and opened the pickup’s passenger door as Peridot ran around to the driver’s side. “Soon as we get home I’m showering and then makin’ dinner for everyone!”

Lapis started to turn away, but Steven caught her eye, jerking his head toward Amethyst and gesturing. She bit her lip, then sighed and relented.

“Um, Amethyst--”

Amethyst turned back to Lapis.

“I’m...I’m sorry. For...everything,” Lapis said. “And thanks. For everything.”

Amethyst blinked, surprised. Then she grinned. “No prob, Bob.”

Steven laughed. Lapis smirked and rolled her eyes; as she opened the car door, though, it became a genuine smile.

***

Around three a.m. Lapis was woken by quiet rustling in the living room. Steven was getting up. The floor creaked as he walked past her door toward Amethyst’s bedroom.

Amethyst’s door opened and didn’t close. Lapis didn’t move, didn’t open her eyes, just listened; sheets rustled, Steven whispered “scooch over”, springs squeaked. Silence fell again.

Lapis waited a minute or two, then slid out of bed with a pillow held under her arm. She stepped lightly, careful not to make a sound.

Needless to say, Amethyst’s room was a huge mess, and her bed was evidently not designed to accommodate three people. Somehow, though, they were making it work. Amethyst was sprawled on her back in the middle of the mattress; Steven was curled up at her side under his blanket; Peridot was against the wall, her arm across Amethyst’s waist. Close and cramped, they looked like the very picture of coziness.

Lapis stretched a step over some garbage and laundry and laid her pillow on a relatively clear spot of the floor next to the head of the bed. 

There was a lot of good art material in here.

She had to move a little stack of books in order to make a spot to lie down, and the soft sound of the movement drew Steven’s attention. He opened his eyes, but didn’t say anything. She acknowledged him with a twitch of a smile on one side before settling herself on the floor.

She thought he’d already fallen back to sleep, but then he quietly said, “Night, Lapis.”

Lapis closed her eyes and exhaled. “Goodnight, Steven.”


	6. J1

This coffee shop sucked.

The coffee itself was fine, at least. A little too hot. Normally she liked her coffee hotter than most people did, but this place was so small that when she burned her tongue she couldn’t do anything about it without drawing way too much attention to herself. 

Not that she was succeeding in being discreet, anyway. The girls at the table behind her had been whispering and muttering to each other about her the whole time. She’d been trying to ignore them by focusing on her drink, but now that her mouth was pretty much completely numb, she had nothing else to do but listen.

“I’m telling you, if you don’t talk to her, I will.”

“Just because you’re the captain of our division doesn’t mean you’re in charge of me!”

“Wait, why aren’t we just sending you to do it, N? You’re the best at talking to people.”

“I’ve told you a million times! It’d be so embarrassing!”

“Argh! Let’s just get this over with or go home!”

“Fine. I’m talking to her.”

“No, Doc, don’t!”

There was a scraping of chairs. She rolled her eyes, and felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Ahem. Excuse me.”

Reluctantly, she turned around to see a short girl with overalls and glasses, her dark hair styled in a small afro, a piece of paper held behind her back. The rest of her group, clearly her sisters, were watching eagerly from the table. She vaguely recognized them as being from the wrestling team.

“Hi,” the girl smiled. “The tournament in a few months for your division’s in Beach City, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Weelllll, I came across this flier for an art show in Beach City, and I was wondering if--”

“I was wondering!” interrupted one of the other girls, jumping forward and shoving her sister aside. This one was a little older, no glasses, an old red scar marring her left eye. “I found the flier and I was wondering if...you’d like to go. With me. To it. While you’re there.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Here.” The glasses girl handed her the flier. She took it and disinterestedly started scanning over it.

_ Abstract modern sculpture, yada yada yada, Beach City Museum, featuring works by, yada yada-- _

A name in the list jumped out.

Her grip tightened, wrinkling the paper. 

_ Lapis Lazuli Paz. _

For the first time in what felt like ages, a smile tugged at one cheek.

_ Found you. _

She stood, startling the sisters.

“Yeah,” she said. “Thanks.”

She didn’t wait to hear the response to that. She shoved the flier in her back pocket, tossed her too-hot coffee cup in the trash, and left the shop.


	7. Hide-and-Seek

It was only day three of Peridot living with them, but the apartment was already _much_ cleaner.

Lapis had always kind of scoffed at those Febreze commercials with the people being said to have gone “nose blind” or whatever to something, but apparently it was legit--she hadn’t noticed how much Amethyst’s mess had reeked until Peridot came in and started tidying and spritzing everything.

On top of the simple satisfaction of clean living conditions, some organization had proved Lapis’s assumption that Amethyst possessed plenty of stuff that could be used in her sculptures. With very little persuasion she'd acquired permission to use some of it in her projects for the art show; with a little more persuasion, Peridot had agreed for the record player to become part of the art as well.

She was especially proud of the way this piece was coming along--the record player in the middle, a pair of hand mirrors from Amethyst’s room hanging on either side. She would probably add some accents with paint or paper later, and eventually she’d figure out a way to have the music play on repeat without her having to come in and start the record over herself. For now, though, she just had to get the mirrors positioned perfectly so they reflected both the record player and each other, creating a visual loop to go with the audio.

Lapis caught a glance of Peridot’s reflection as she walked behind her with a washcloth. She gave a little smile, and Peridot returned it.

“Off that cushion, dear, there’s pizza sauce on it,” Peridot commanded Amethyst, who was on the couch messing around on her phone.

Amethyst chuckled and obeyed. “Look at you, gettin’ all domestic on me. Just cus we’re livin’ together doesn’t mean you have to call me ‘dear.’”

“Dibs on maid of honor at the wedding,” Lapis said without looking up from her notes. In the mirror she saw Peridot almost drop the cushion.

“Nah, I think Steven already called it,” Amethyst replied.

“We are not getting married!”

“Oh, speaking of Steven, do you follow him on Tumblr?” Amethyst asked, ignoring Peridot’s fluster.

Lapis adjusted the wire one of the mirrors was hanging from. “I don’t have a Tumblr.”

“Naw, really? You seem like a Tumblr dude.” Amethyst boredly stretched one arm above her head. “I think he’s tryna come out or something. My whole dash’s all poly positivity reblogs.”

“Poly positivity?” Peridot asked, sitting on the arm of the couch as she scrubbed at the pizza stain.

“Yeah, yknow, polyamory,” Amethyst clarified. “Like, liking more than just one person? Or like couples that are more than two?” She shrugged. “Rose was pretty polyamorous. Maybe it’s genetic.”

Lapis bit her tongue. She could pretty easily guess the real reason Steven was suddenly so interested in it.

“And that’s...acceptable?” said Peridot.

“No reason for it to not be.”

Peridot put the now-clean cushion back on the couch and slid down onto it. “Is it something that… _you_ would ever consider partaking in?”

Amethyst chuckled. “Nah. You’re the only one for me.”

“Naww, you’re just saying that,” Peridot denied, blushing.

“Oh, yeah? I’ll prove it. Hyah!”

Amethyst lunged at Peridot, causing the smaller girl to playfully squeal as she was attacked with kisses.

“You guys are gross,” Lapis said lightly, smirking and standing up. “I’m gonna go hide in my room.”

“You can’t hide from true love, Lappy!”

Peridot was quick to take advantage of Amethyst’s moment of distraction. “Neither can you!”

“Ack! The nerd strikes back!’’

“Nyehehe!”

Lapis shut the door and sat at her desk to study a little. As she opened up her notebook, Amethyst and Peridot’s giggles were still perfectly audible through the thin door. She rolled her eyes.

 _Could_ polyamory be an option…?

 _No, that's not what I need,_ Lapis reminded herself, shaking her head and trying to focus on her notes. _That's not what I want. I want Amethyst and Peridot to be happy, and they're happy right now._

She smiled.

_As long as they're happy, I'm happy._

There was a knock at the door, and Amethyst hollered to whoever it was that it was unlocked. Lapis flipped to the next page of her notebook. The person knocked again, leading Amethyst to groan. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.”

“Do you want me to get it?” Peridot offered.

“Nah, I’m already up.”

She should probably listen to some music while she worked on this. Lapis grabbed her headphones as the outside door opened.

“Hey--oh. Hey. You. What are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing here?”

Lapis froze.

She knew that voice.

“Uh, this is _my_ apartment,” Amethyst said.

She didn’t move. She didn’t breathe. She couldn’t.

She wanted to move. But she wanted to move in two different directions at once--to run away and escape out the window and never stop running and never look back, or to run straight out her bedroom door and back into the arms she thought she’d left forever. The two desires were equally strong and equally opposite, so they canceled each other out. So she sat still.

Frozen. Helpless. Vulnerable.

_How did she find me?_

There was a rustling of paper. “Does _she_ live here?”

Lapis realized her lungs were empty. She sucked in a silent gasp.

_The art show flier._

_She found out I was in Beach City and looked me up from there--oh, no, she found me, she found me--_

“Uh, why should I tell you?” Amethyst snarked brashly.

There was a _thud,_ a yelp from Peridot, the apartment shook--Jasper had hit the wall. Lapis clapped her hands over her mouth to hold back a scream.

“Listen, runt, I’ve come a long way to find her, and it’s none of your business why, so just answer me.”

“Lay off while you’re on my turf!”

“Amethyst--” Peridot said tentatively.

Jasper took a heavy step in. Lapis’s fingers dug into her cheeks.

_Open the door. Forgive her. Beg her to forgive you._

_Open the door. Attack her. Give her hell for everything she’s done to you._

_Run away. Never let her see you again. Never let her hurt you again._

_Run away. Never let yourself hurt her again._

She couldn’t do any of those.

_Hold still._

_Hope she goes away._

“Y-you have no right to be here,” Peridot declared. “I'll call the police!”

Lapis gulped another breath.

“You’re living with this trash, too?” Jasper scoffed. “What would your parents think?”

“I’m not afraid of you!”

Lapis bit her tongue. _Oh, Peridot, you_ should _be afraid of her…_

“I came here to find Lapis,” Jasper maintained.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know the deal is between you two, but I know she sure doesn’t wanna see you!” Amethyst shot back. “You think you can just come into my house and call me trash and threaten my friends and get away with it?!”

_Oh, no--Amethyst, what are you doing--_

“Is that a challenge?”

And suddenly Lapis could move--just enough to turn in fear toward the door.

“I dunno, do you wanna take it that way?”

“Amethyst,” Lapis said, trying to warn her, trying to stop her, trying to get her voice to work louder than a whisper--

She heard Jasper’s knuckles crack.

Amethyst spoke again.  
“Well, if you wanna fight, then why don’t you take it out _side!”_

The last syllable was accompanied by a _bam_ that launched Lapis to her feet, but Jasper’s growl pushed her back down again, onto her bed.  Peridot yelled Amethyst’s name.

“Stay outta this!”

“Amethyst! Amethyst, no, wait!”

The door slammed shut.

_“Amethyst!”_

Lapis inhaled, exhaled; at least, she tried to. For some reason she couldn't get enough air on her lungs. She tried again.

In the living room she could hear Peridot panicking. She was pacing fervently around the room and muttering to herself.

“Lapis!”

Peridot’s fist came down on Lapis’s bedroom door; she jolted, startled.

“Lapis, we have to go after them! Amethyst needs us!”

Amethyst needed her. Amethyst was gonna get herself in huge trouble because of her. Lapis had been nothing but trouble to her friend and here she had a chance to really make up for it. She had to get up. She had to go help Amethyst.

Why wouldn’t her body let her move?

 _“Lapis!”_ Peridot squeaked, throwing the door open.

Lapis’s eyes snapped to her, but the rest of her stayed frozen--fists clenched in front of her mouth, knees locked tightly together.

“Are you going to come with me or not?” Peridot asked.

Lapis saw herself jumping up and leading the way to save Amethyst; she saw herself telling Peridot how much of a bad idea it was to get between Jasper and a fight. All she did in real life was shake her head.

“Fine. I’ll go by myself.”

And suddenly she could move again.

“You can’t go by yourself!” Lapis said. “She’ll tear you to shreds!”

Peridot scoffed. “What’s the worst she could do to me?”

“You don’t know her,” Lapis insisted, shaking her head more fervently.       

“Yes, I do!”

“I just don’t want you getting hurt!”

“Grgh--” Peridot gave a short growl. “You just don’t want _yourself_ getting hurt!”

Lapis recoiled a little.

“Look, I get it, you know!” Peridot said. “Jasper’s not exactly the best person in the world, and something awful happened between you two, and you’re scared of it happening again! You don’t wanna face her!” She stood up a little straighter, squaring her shoulders. “But Amethyst needs me. And I’m not gonna let _her_ go alone. So if you’re going to stay here, then--fine. Whatever.”

She turned around and closed Lapis’s door behind her without another word.

Lapis curled her fingers around her sheets, heart still pounding with panic, mind still spinning with indecision.

_If you're just doing all you can to make them both happy, then you have nothing to worry about._

_I’m not gonna let her go alone._

Lapis opened her hands and ran after Peridot.


	8. J2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil trigger warning if anyone needs it for this and the next chapter for mild injury/blood and implied violence

Amethyst’s phone had fallen out of her pocket. With its spiderweb-cracked screen and scratched-up plastic case, it really looked quite at home lying on the asphalt.

Jasper bent and picked it up. She turned it on and started to tap in a few numbers.

“Picking fights outside the ring will get you disqualified from the tournament,” she said without looking up.

Amethyst pushed herself up onto her hands and knees. Her arms shook. She spat a little glob of blood onto the ground. One arm buckled under her, and her shoulder hit the pavement.

Jasper tossed the phone to its owner and turned to walk away. “Don’t think this is over. I’ll be back.”

_ “911, what is your emergency?”  _ buzzed the phone.

As her farewell, Jasper gave one last statement over her shoulder before disappearing. “Make sure Lapis gets the message.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my doctor says i can't read your reviews anymore. they're too sweet. im gonna get diabetes.  
> also don't worry, the next chapter gonna be less stressful haha


	9. Binge Watch

She saw them before she heard them. Blue lights, then red lights, then the wailing sirens.

Peridot hadn’t run too far before Lapis caught up. It had taken them a little bit to find out where Jasper and Amethyst had gone; when they saw the ambulance rushing down the street and slowing in front of a nearby alleyway, the answer was horribly certain. Peridot had grabbed tight to Lapis’s arm as they ran across the street.

A small crowd of paramedics spilled out of the back of the vehicle, blocking Amethyst from view. But they could hear her voice--that at least meant she was there, that meant she was at least mostly okay.

“Ugh, I’m fine, it’s not as big a deal as it looks.”

“Can you stand?” asked one of the paramedics as Lapis and Peridot reached them.

“Yeah, look, I’m standin’. I’m fine.”

Peridot pushed at someone. “Excuse me, can I get--let me through--”

“Ma’am, stay back, please.”

“We need to get through! We’re her friends!” Lapis tried.

“Girlfriend, actually! That ought to grant me some authorization to see her!”

“Peri?” said Amethyst, still unseen; then, to the paramedics, “Guys, watch it, them’s my homegirls.”

Somebody moved out of the way. Peridot scrambled to Amethyst’s side, but Lapis stayed back.

She did look really bad. Smattered across her eyes was a red mosaic of bruises, accented by a thin trail of blood from down the side of her forehead from a wound hidden somewhere in her hair. Blood was streaming from her nose and split lip as well. One hand was mottled purple all along the knuckles and wrist.

“Stay back, please,” somebody repeated, gently nudging Peridot away from Amethyst. Amethyst didn’t protest as the somebody put its hand on her back and started herding her toward the open doors of the ambulance.

“How bad is she?” Peridot worried. “Is she going to be okay?”

“We’re taking her in to check out the wound on her head. Other than that, it looks like just a few broken bones in her hand and wrist.”

Lapis rubbed her own wrist.

“Told ya it’s not that bad,” Amethyst drawled.

The paramedic helped Amethyst up into the vehicle, and the other two--it wasn’t until now that Lapis realized there were only three--climbed in as well.

“Wait!” Peridot said just before they closed the doors. “I’m coming too!”

“Sorry, ma’am, you’ll have to follow in your own vehicle. We promise to get her to the hospital safely.”

“But--”

The door shut and the ambulance started moving.

“--I should count as family! Hey!”

Peridot let out an “rrgh!” and whirled to face Lapis as the ambulance sped away. “‘We promise to get her to the hospital safely.’ Did that sound like a reassuring lie to you? Because it sounded like a reassuring lie to me!”

She was talking faster than normal, a clear sign of her anxiety. Lapis didn’t respond.

“Come on,” Peridot said, walking past Lapis. “Let’s go back to the truck and--”

As she passed, she grabbed Lapis’s wrist to tug her along.

Lapis yanked back.

Peridot turned. “What? What’s wrong?”

Drawing her hand up defensively in front of her chest, Lapis took a step back. She stared at Peridot for a second, then glanced into the alleyway.

“We don’t know where she went,” Lapis said.

“She went to the  _ hospital-- _ ”

“Not Amethyst,” Lapis clarified, shaking her head.

Peridot paused. She followed Lapis’s gaze into the darkness between the two buildings.

“M-maybe…” The nervous irritability in her tone faded, and her fingertips lightly brushed Lapis’s arm again. “I’m sure Amethyst has some idea. We can ask her when we get to the hospital.”

Lapis sniffed and straightened.

“Right. Sorry, I was just--” She nodded. “You’re right. Let’s go.”

She followed Peridot back down the street to the apartments’ parking lot and silently climbed into the passenger seat of the pickup. Peridot turned the key in the ignition and the engine grumbled loudly, startling Lapis a little. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

_ Stupid. You’re so jumpy that the sound of a friggen car is scaring you. Chill out. _

Neither of them spoke as they drove. At one point Lapis considered telling Peridot it was gonna be okay. At another she considered asking if they should call Amethyst’s family. But her mouth didn’t feel like moving. 

She rationalized that the hospital was probably calling them right now anyway.

When they arrived, Peridot tried to run across the parking lot to the hospital doors, but she quickly got winded and had to slow. Lapis gently helped her along until they reached the front desk and asked if Amethyst had arrived.

“I think we just barely checked her in,” the receptionist replied. “But I’m afraid that for now we can only let members of her family see her.”

“Does girlfriend count as family?” Peridot tried.

The receptionist clucked her tongue. “Sorry.”

“What about roommate?”

“Nope.”

Stuck, Peridot clenched her fists and growled--not at the receptionist, nor at anyone or anything in particular. Lapis glanced around the room.

“Let’s just sit down someplace,” she said, her voice a rasp. Peridot didn’t say anything in response, but stomped over toward the armchairs to the side of the lobby. She sat with her elbows on her knees and her fingers at her temples. Lapis lightly took a seat beside her, a few inches away.

_ Tell her it’ll be okay,  _ her mind encouraged.

Lapis cleared her throat.

“Do you--” She closed her mouth, the words jumbling and changing before she got a chance to say them. Apparently her plan had traded itself out for the other thing she’d wanted to say on the way over. “Do you think we should call Greg?”

“I left my phone back at the apartment,” Peridot said without moving.

“I’ve got mine.” Lapis took her phone out of her pocket. “I don’t have his number, though.”

Peridot only knew the landline home phone; she recited it in a monotone and Lapis dialed. There were several rings before it was picked up.

“Universe household,” sang a woman’s voice.

“Oh. Hey,” Lapis said, scanning through her memory to tell where she recognized that voice. “Is this Pearl?”

“Yes, who’s this?”

“Um, Lapis. Steven and Amethyst’s friend. Is, erm, Mr. Universe there?”

“I’m afraid he just left,” Pearl replied. “That’s why I’m here watching Steven for him.” At an indistinct shout from someone Lapis couldn’t hear, Pearl amended, “ _ We’re  _ here for Steven. I can take a message, if you’d like.” 

“Yeah, actually.” Lapis picked at the edge of her shirt as she talked. “I just wanted to make sure you guys got the news about--”

On the other side of the line, somebody said, “Give the phone to me.”

“What? Whoops--Garnet--”

Pearl's voice faded as the phone changed hands. This new voice was much lower and bore an accent. “If you're calling to tell us Amethyst got in a fight and is in the hospital right now, we already know.”

“She  _ what?!”  _ Pearl squawked.

“Greg is on his way over there.”

“Is she alright?! What happened?!”

“Oh. Okay,” Lapis said, ignoring Pearl’s worried shouts in the background. She was right, the hospital had called them right away. “That’s all, then. I guess I’ll just hang up now.”

“Wait, wait, wait--”

The phone moved again. Steven spoke.

“Is Amethyst okay?”

His tone was tired and serious. Her grip on her phone loosened.

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Lapis said with a little smile. “She just--got in a little bit of trouble. She’ll get better soon. How come you’re not coming over with your dad?”

“I have homework. He said I had to stay home and finish it,” Steven mumbled. “Who’d she get in a fight with?”

Lapis bit her tongue.

“Just some jerk that probably got their butt kicked,” she said casually. “Don't worry. Amethyst's tougher than that.”

“Okay,” said Steven, but uncertainty still rang in his voice. “Um, call me if anything happens, I guess.”

“I will.”

“‘Kay. Love you. Bye.”

A dash of truth edged into Lapis’s smile at Steven’s habitual “love you.” “Bye, Steven.”

_ Click--beep. _

Lapis turned her phone off and shoved it back into her pocket. Beside her, Peridot had sat up, and was now anxiously tapping her foot with her arms crossed over her chest. 

“And you lied to Steven about what happened because?” Peridot said without looking at her.

Lapis sighed and slumped.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have just hid in my room the whole time Jasper was there, I should’ve just...come out when she asked.”

Peridot didn’t answer.

Lapis curled her hands into fists. “Maybe I should just--

“Where’s my daughter?!”

Lapis and Peridot looked up at the loud shout to see a frantic man running into the lobby, nearly tripping over his own feet as he did so. After half a second she recognized him from the frequent father-son selfies Steven liked to post on all his social medias. 

“Who are you looking for, sir?” the receptionist asked calmly.

Greg leaned forward against the desk for support. “My stepdaughter, they said she was on her way here. Her name’s Amethyst, she’s about this tall, uh, long hair, she’s--aw, geez, how old is she?”

“The same person we were looking for,” Lapis chimed in. Fortunately, after a few moments of quiet and a conversation with Steven, her anxiety had faded--or at least been pushed to the back of her mind--enough to let her talk and function mostly normally.

Greg glanced over at them.

“She’s in room 217,” said the receptionist.

“Oh. Thank you.” His attention was still mostly on Peridot and Lapis; after thanking the receptionist, he stepped over to them, catching his breath. “Lapis, right? I don’t think we’ve ever formally been introduced.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lapis said automatically.

Greg started to hold out his hand for a handshake, but quickly thought better of it and put his hands in his pocket. “Do you guys know what’s going on?”

“Kind of,” Lapis answered evasively. “Amethyst will probably tell you.”

“Right.” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Y’know, I was anxious about letting her move out in the first place, but--I didn’t expect this. Not even Halloween yet and she’s landed herself in the hospital.” He chuckled a little, but then his expression became a little more serious. “You okay, Peridot?”

“I’m fine,” Peridot said coldly.

Greg shrugged, his smile sympathetic. “It's okay to be worried about people you care about.”

Peridot humphed and sat up straight, wrinkling her nose. “I think this hospital is being discriminatory by not allowing me to see her.”

“Eh, I don't think they'd let a boyfriend in either.”

“They need to widen their definitions of ‘family’.”

“Heh. Don't we all.” Greg sighed. “Look, why don’t you two...head on home. It’s getting kinda late, and I don't think a sit-in’s going to change this receptionist's mind right away. I can take care of Amethyst for now. You guys should get some rest so you can come see her in the morning.”

Lapis nodded. “Tell her we hope she gets better soon.” 

“Don’t worry, I will.” He gave a wave goodbye, then walked off down the hall.

Lapis exhaled and turned to Peridot. “Come on. He’s right.”

“Fine.” Peridot stood, still not looking at Lapis. She was still scowling as they walked out.

***

When they got home, Lapis immediately turned on “Theme from an Endless Romance” and got back to working on her sculpture. As long as she stayed distracted, she'd be fine.

Peridot seemed to have a similar idea, but her distraction of choice was her  _ Camp Pining Hearts  _ DVDs. She popped in season four and skipped straight to the mid-season finale, the spot where they’d left off the night they met. Struck by how recent the episode felt, Lapis mentally counted how much time had passed--it seemed like she’d known Peridot for years, but in reality, it had barely been two weeks.

Lapis wiggled the volume dial on the record player--she didn’t want to be so loud that Peridot couldn’t hear the show. Against her will, though, her hand started shaking again, abruptly yanking the volume way too high. Lapis rapidly turned it back down and bit her hand to try to keep it still.

Dangit. Why was she still so scared? Amethyst was fine. Jasper was gone.

But she was probably going to come back. Sooner or later. Absorbing herself in her music and her art could distract her from that fact, but it couldn’t change it.

“Could you turn that off?” Peridot snipped. 

Lapis looked up and took the needle off the record.

“I’m trying to watch here.” Peridot slouched a little lower on the couch.

Under any other circumstances, Lapis probably would have started playing the music louder out of joking spite. But neither of them were in a joking mood right now. For several minutes the TV was the only sound in the apartment.

_ “Paulette, you don’t understand--” _

_ “No, you don’t understand, Percy! I thought I loved you! How could you betray me like that?!” _

Lapis sat back in her chair. Usually she had enough willpower to ignore the TV if it played while she was working, but she already couldn’t focus very well anyway.

_ “That’s your problem, Paulette. You let yourself  _ become  _ the kayak race.” _

“He’s so cold to her in this episode,” Lapis commented, not really expecting Peridot to reply.

But reply she did--coolly and casually. “I think it’s justified. After all, he’s already on edge because Pierre’s about to leave the camp, and her behavior here isn’t exactly helping that.”

Lapis smiled.

“You know what I think?” Lapis tapped her finger on the edge of the table. “I think it should’ve been in this episode where Paulette gives up on Percy and notices Penelope instead.”

“Hmm, a relationship between Paulette and Penelope could have the potential to make season five more bearable,” Peridot agreed. “Ooh, just imagine them being together during the beach episodes--”

It didn’t take long for Lapis to abandon the table to come sit on the floor in front of the couch again. They talked all the way through the rest of the season. Complete, perfect escapism from everything about reality.

At the season finale, Peridot started crying. Lapis wasn’t too surprised--it was probably the sappiest episode until the grand series finale. She’d cried herself the first time she watched it. In the absence of kleenex, Lapis graciously offered her sweatshirt for Peridot to wipe her face. Tomorrow was laundry day anyway.

When Lapis went to put in the season five DVD, Peridot was still sniffling, her face completely hidden in Lapis’s sweatshirt. 

Lapis paused.

“Actually…” She put the disc back in the case. “Let’s just skip this one. I’ll put in season six.”

“Okay,” Peridot squeaked.

Lapis hesitated over the DVD player.

“Peridot...are you okay?”

Peridot jerked a little and made a noise somewhere between a gasp and a sob and a whimper. Lapis raised her hands in front of her chest, surprised.

Peridot pushed the sweatshirt a little harder against her face. “I’m fine! I-it’s nothing, it’s just the show.”

Sheesh, she was a bad liar. Lapis slumped her shoulders a little. “You’re really worried about Amethyst, huh?”

“No I’m not!” Peridot denied, throwing the sweatshirt down into her lap and curling her fits around the fabric. Her face was wet, scrunched up and flushed red. “That would be completely illogical. You heard the doctors, she probably only has a few broken bones. And we’ll see her tomorrow. So there’s absolutely no reason for me to get worked up!”

“Yeah, but it’s still scary,” Lapis admitted quietly.

Peridot shoved tears away from her eyes. “I’m not  _ scared.  _ I just--” She sighed. “I should’ve tried harder to stop her.”

Lapis opened her mouth to argue, but then closed it. She was being a total hypocrite. She couldn’t tell Peridot to stop pushing away her fear and blaming herself when that’s exactly what she had been doing this whole time.

So she wordlessly turned away and started up season six.

Peridot relaxed a little and leaned back against the back of the couch as the theme song started. Instead of sitting back on the floor, Lapis settled herself on the cushion next to Peridot. There was enough space between them to avoid anything uncomfortable, but Lapis hoped it wasn’t so much that Peridot would be hesitant in coming closer if she wanted to.

About halfway through the episode, Peridot still hadn’t talked. Lapis glanced over--she hadn’t fallen asleep or anything, she was just watching in silence.  _ Might she actually get through a whole episode without making any comments? _

Then Peridot clucked her tongue. “You know--”

_ Nope. I jinxed it. _

“--I’ve been doing a bit of research.”

Lapis raised an eyebrow at her. “And?”

“And…” Peridot folded her hands in her lap. “I think that it might be beneficial for me to...check out some of your artwork. O-or some other people’s, too, and...perhaps…” She looked to Lapis with a timid expression, as if seeking her approval on her next words. “Make some myself?”

Lapis blinked. This was very much not a comment about the episode.

“With your guidance, of course,” Peridot finished, adjusting her glasses. “You’re still the expert.”

“Um. Yeah,” Lapis replied. “Yeah, of course. That sounds…” She brushed her bangs out of her face and then let her hand linger at the side of her forehead, trying to gather her thoughts into a coherent response. “Well, my art show’s opening next Monday. I can get you in for free.”

Peridot brightened a little. “Okay.”

Without another word, she turned back to the television.

Lapis tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. She supposed it made sense that Peridot would bring this up now--art was a way of dealing with emotions, after all, and everyone’s emotions were pretty high right now.

For now, though, all they needed to do to deal was just keep watching and talking.

Peridot fell asleep with her head on Lapis’s shoulder. Lapis couldn’t bring herself to disturb her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's so much dang sleeping in this fic. everyone keeps falling asleep. why am i so tired  
> the next chap is preeetty much done, it'll be up before the end of the week. eternal apologies for my lack of an updating schedule lol, i technically have reasons (in general, life is mean) but i don't really like excuses so pls forgive me. and thanks so much for stickin with me, im madly in love with all of you who are reading and i am so glad that you're doing so. you the real mvp [throws ten billion heart emojis at every single one of you]


	10. Hospital Visit

In the morning, the only thing either of them wanted to do was race straight to the hospital. But first they had classes, and then Lapis had work, and Peridot had a job interview, and then Lapis had her overtime at the studio with Vidalia, and Peridot wanted to stop by all of Amethyst’s classes to see if there were any notes or assignments she could pick up for her. It was a long, long day before they were able to leave.

Finally they were free, and Peridot drove them over. There was a different receptionist today, one who didn’t even ask any questions before sending them up to Amethyst’s room.

“Oh, hey, it’s these guys,” Amethyst said when they walked in.

“We have not seen each other for a cumulative period of a full night and day and all you can say is ‘hey, it’s these guys’?!” Peridot replied, shoving the notes she’d collected at Lapis and scampering to Amethyst’s bedside. 

“Aw, what, you care about me or something?” Amethyst laughed a little. “I’m just teasing. And woozy. Watch the hand.”

Peridot pressed a few hurried but careful kisses to Amethyst’s face. “Your bruises don’t look much better. Is your head okay? How did you sleep last night?”

“Chillax, Mom, I’m fine.” Amethyst waved Peridot off with her left hand, still smiling. Her right hand was bound in a cast. “Just a little concussion and a busted hand. Her head's really hard. Gotta keep the cast on for a couple weeks and the rest’s just stuff that'll be gone on its own.”

Peridot stepped back a little, and Lapis stepped forward. Amethyst looked a little bit better now that she was cleaned up, but her bruises had gone from red to purple and her bottom lip was swollen. Sure, they'd heal, but for now they looked awful. Lapis tried to ignore the phantom pain that tingled in her wrist and back when she saw the injuries.

“What, no kisses from Lapis?” Amethyst joked.

“How ‘woozy’ exactly are you?” Lapis asked.

“Eh, concussion plus a ton of pain meds from the docs equals I’m smashed.”

“We brought you some things to keep you caught up in your classes,” Peridot said, taking the papers from Lapis and holding them toward Amethyst. “Although, I suppose they won’t be much use to you right now, while you’re...spaced out, and you won’t really be able to write anything while your dominant hand is out of commission…”

“K, full disclosure, I stopped listening after ‘classes.’”

“I'll just hold onto these for now and help you with them later.”

“We also brought you chips,” Lapis chimed in, holding up one of the bags she’d brought in. “Fritos and Doritos.”

“Aw, yiss,” Amethyst cheered tiredly, slurring a little. “That’s my jam. Lapis knows what’s up.” She took the Fritos and popped the bag open with one hand while Peridot scooched onto the bed beside her with the other bag. Lapis crossed to the other side of the bed and lowered herself into the little leather chair there.

“So how long are they gonna keep you in here?” Lapis asked.

“I get to leave today,” Amethyst said with her mouth already full of chips. “But I gotta stay inside for a while so I don’t get messed up any more.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have to worry about getting ‘messed up’ by that particular attacker,” said Peridot confidently. “Considering your injuries, any charges against her would--”

“Yeahh, uh,” Amethyst interrupted, “can’t really do that.”

“Do what?”

Amethyst swallowed and rubbed her arm self-consciously. “Press charges. I told them I just got jumped by some random stranger.”

“What?” Lapis exclaimed. “Why?”

Amethyst glanced away from them, her hair falling over one eye, her expression bitter. “I’m the one who started fighting, and she’s my opponent for the main mega tournament. If one of us gets in trouble for this, we both do, and we’re both kicked outta the game.”

Lapis fell silent.

Peridot huffed. “Then if you already knew that, why did you start the fight in the first place?”

“She was being a dink,” Amethyst replied disinterestedly, leaning back against the pillow and tossing a few more Fritos into her mouth. “I was defending our honor.”

“You should’ve just left it be after shoving her out,” Lapis said.

Amethyst looked up at her.

“Yknow, while we’re on the subject,” she said seriously, “...there’s more to your tragic backstory than you let on, Laz.”

“That’s changing the subject,” Lapis argued, hunching her shoulders.

Amethyst wasn’t dissuaded. “You said you were bad together an’ I just thought you meant, like, generic crazy ex-girlfriend, but if she’s gonna stalk you and beat up your roommate--”

“You didn’t have to fight her for me.”

“I didn’t. That was for all three of us. But  _ she  _ was fighting for you.” Amethyst jerked her head a little, tossing her hair out of her face. “And she scares you. A lot.”

Lapis opened her mouth, then caught Peridot's eye and closed it. 

“She was  _ really  _ bad to you, wasn't she?” Amethyst finished.

_ I was worse to her. _

“That doesn't matter,” Lapis deflected. “I just care about you two being okay.”

Silence pushed itself between them, everyone wanting to argue but nobody knowing exactly why or what to say. The dim hum of the hospital machines quickly became deafening.

Finally Peridot broke the quiet with, “Well, I care about you being okay, too. Which means no more getting into fights.” She playfully poked Amethyst’s chest with the last phrase.

“Aw, alright, alright,” Amethyst laughed. “But I’m gettin’ back to wrestling soon as the cast’s off, and you can’t keep me from that.”

“Just  _ stay safe,”  _ Peridot said firmly. “You stay safe, too, Lapis.”

Lapis gave a half-chuckle. “Okay, I’ll try.”

But her smile quickly disappeared, and her fingers twitched in her lap as she looked back at Amethyst. “Jasper didn’t, by chance...did she say anything? Do you know where she went?”

Amethyst scratched just under the edge of her cast with one fingernail. “Nah. Not much room for talking while she was bustin’ my face. But I got ‘er back enough that she’s probs gonna leave us all alone now.”

Hm. Amethyst didn’t seem like the type to lie, but...Jasper didn’t seem like the type to leave them alone now.

But Peridot was optimistic. “That settles it, then. All’s well that ends well!” She opened the Doritos bag. “Let’s hope we’re actually allowed to bring food in here, because I don’t intend on hiding these when a nurse comes in and I also don’t intend on leaving until you’re coming with me.”

“Of course we’re allowed. We didn’t exactly sneak the chips past security or anything.”

“Can you imagine what a dark world we’d be living in if my peeps weren’t allowed to bring me junk food in the hospital?”

Despite Peridot’s declaration that the matter was settled, Lapis still felt it hanging tautly between them, and she could tell that Amethyst felt it too--but they kept the conversation light and goofy until somebody came to officially release Amethyst. 

As they walked back out to Peridot’s truck, Amethyst gave Lapis a light, affectionate punch on the arm. In it was communicated a silent agreement: they were both going to keep quizzing each other on what happened with Jasper. Not immediately, not explicitly, but they wouldn’t give up until they got their answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real quick 3 things, 1. who knows how long it'll take to get em up but ive got the next 2 chapters planned out and they're gonna be pretty good if i may say so myself trust me, 2. holy smokes, broke 100 kudos with the last chapter, that officially makes this the most popular fanfic ive ever done. thanks so much you guys! it may be small compared to other writers, but dang, i never imagined that widdle ol me would get this far. yalls are the best!!! and 3. it's come to my attention that i should probably have some more tags on this, im still technically relatively new to this site so im not a million percent sure on what exactly im supposed to do with tags lol. if you guys have any suggestions of tags i should add let me know!! thanks again and i love you!! wowie zowie i love you all so much wow thank you so much


	11. Hot Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays folks

Compared to the last two weeks, the next two were blissfully quiet. Maybe Jasper really was going to leave them alone.

Amethyst’s bruises healed after a few days, just as expected, and she’d be getting the cast off a little into November. She kept Lapis entertained with her methods of dealing with everyday life minus the use of her right hand--Lapis never knew how many mundane things one could do with their mouth or feet.

Even more entertaining--and impressive--and adorable--was the lengths Peridot was going to in order to make her girlfriend comfortable. Lapis was quietly becoming more enamored every day.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to build some sort of extended prosthetic?” Peridot asked one Saturday evening. “It wouldn’t be too far outside my engineering expertise, and it’d just make things easier until your hand heals.”

“Chances are it’d just make me get lazier,” Amethyst replied. “I’d never take it off. Even after I'm healed. Be using it to turn the alarm clock off or to grab the shampoo in the shower.”

“Well, depending on how complex the mechanisms would be, it might not be advisable to get it wet--”

“Speaking of shower, has anyone noticed how much Lapis stinks lately?”

Lapis looked up from her notebook and gave a gasping laugh, mocking offense. “I do not!”

“It’s like she’s been rolling in garbage.”

“I think that’s more your style.”

“She should go get in the shower right now.”

“Are you just trying to get rid of me?”

“Trying to spare you the sickening schmaltzy couple stuff I’m about to dump on Peridot.”

“You win. I'm going.” Lapis closed her notebook and left the living room. On her way to her bedroom, she discreetly turned her nose toward her armpit. She didn't _stink_ , per se, but a shower wouldn't hurt.

Lapis grabbed some clean clothes. As she crossed the hall to the bathroom, she heard Amethyst pause in her sickening schmaltzy couple stuff to ask, “What time is it?”

“Eep! I’ve got an interview. I’m gonna be late!”

The bathroom door closed, not loud enough to mask the sound of Peridot falling off the couch in her haste to leave.

Lapis undressed and turned on the water. It first spat out cold, and she skipped backwards away from the stream; it took a little while to warm up. As she waited, she grabbed the soap--no absent-minded standing around for her, just in and out of the water as quick as possible.

Cold became lukewarm became hot, and she let it darken her hair and drop down her body. Steam began to rise and brought with it passive reflection of recent events.

The art show had opened just as planned, and Vidalia was quick to tell Lapis that her works were probably the highlight of the gallery. Lapis was ecstatic to hear this, but two little catches kept her from being totally happy. Primarily, Peridot was too busy to visit it yet. Between her normal classes, her study schedule, helping Amethyst, and all the job applications and interviews Amethyst had helped her line up, Peridot seemed to always be in ten different places doing twelve different things at once.

Lapis grabbed the shampoo.

Sure, she was happy that her art was out there being appreciated and her career was getting a head start, but bringing Peridot to the show had been her other big hope. Now she really barely got to see Peridot at all. She missed her.

And the other catch…

Lapis’s fingers wove through her wet hair and then stopped on the back of her neck.

If the art show’s flier was what brought Jasper in the first place, it was probably inevitable that she’d show up there.

Lapis shook her head and scrubbed out the last bits of shampoo. As far as she knew, Jasper was still living back in Empire City. She couldn't afford to travel all the way out to Beach City twice in such a short period of time. And even if she did turn up again, then Lapis wouldn't wait around and let Amethyst get in trouble. She'd face Jasper herself.

With a quick flick of her hand, Lapis shut off the water and pulled her towel off the curtain rod. Her hair was short enough now that she didn’t need to have an extra towel to wrap around it after every shower; just a few fluffs was all it took for it to stop dripping. It used to be a lot longer, but she’d gotten it cut just before moving out.

She slid the towel down her arms and legs and then stepped out to get dressed. Her clean clothes were folded in a neat pile on the counter next to the sink, her dirty ones somewhere on the floor among small piles of Amethyst’s laundry--she’d pick it all up together later. Lapis dropped the towel and pulled on her underwear and sweatpants, then pulled the straps of her bra over her shoulders and started to hook up the back.

And then the door opened.

“Hey, is there--”

Lapis shrieked and yanked her arms in front of her chest, the back of her bra flapping open as she turned away from the door. “Amethyst! Get out!”

“Chill, I’m not looking, I just needa grab something. You could’ve locked the door.”

Against her will, a stifled snort rose in the back of her throat--half of her still wanted to be mad, but half of her was just tiredly amused. “That door doesn’t lock. You’ve lived here for two months.”

“Oh yeah. Sorry.”

“I forgive you, but be quick.” Lapis rolled her eyes, smiling a little. She kept her back turned and her arms folded over her breasts as Amethyst dug through the stuff on the floor for whatever she’d come in to grab. After a second of silence, Lapis called, “You out yet?”

“Ehh, what I said about not looking? I lied.”

“Amethyst!”

“You’ve got a wicked scar on your back, bro. Where’d you get that?”

Lapis’s smile dropped. Thoughts of scolding Amethyst for her wandering eyes--“I thought you said Peridot was the only one for you”--faded from her mind.

Amethyst had been asking a lot of questions since getting back from the hospital. Little things, not too deep or personal--things that Lapis could get away with giving one-word answers. She knew Amethyst wanted more, but didn't want to pry.

And this scar--an old gash right between her shoulder blades, wider at the bottom than the top, almost shaped like a teardrop the size of her hand--was a prime example of the things Lapis was trying to keep hidden.

_I suppose this is as good a question as any to let the whole story spill out._

“I, um…” She dipped her head, fingers digging into her arms. “It was...it was about a month before we broke up. Jasper and I got in a fight, I don’t remember over what. I broke a mirror and she got me in the back with one of the shards.”

Amethyst didn’t respond. Lapis looked over her shoulder at her; her eyebrows her arched and her mouth was slightly open in an expression somewhere between sympathy and shock.

“I-it’s okay, it’s not as bad as it sounds,” Lapis said quickly. “Or looks. It was mostly my fault, anyway. And I got her back for it a little later by messing up her nose.”

“Man,” Amethyst replied, quiet. “It sounds like you guys hated each other.”

Lapis shrugged. “We kinda did.” Her gaze dropped to the floor. “But being together seemed better than being alone, so we just kind of...stayed that way. Held hands and made out and…” She sighed. “Slow danced in the parking lot when her favorite song came on on the radio. And then she’d look at another girl or be late for a date or something, and I’d freak out and yell at her, and she’d yell at me, and then all the crap that was going on in our lives we’d take out on each other. Just fighting and arguing for hours on end. We were both such control freaks that it was just always a battle to see who’d get her way. And most of the time the fighting wouldn’t get physical, but sometimes it did and it was bad.”

She clucked her tongue and squeezed her eyes shut. “It was bad.”

“Sounds like it.” The counter squeaked as Amethyst hefted herself up to sit on it. “So how'd you get out?”

“I just left,” Lapis admitted. “I gave up. We lived together freshman year, and then I got my acceptance letter to transfer here, so out of the blue I decided to go. Everything I’d ever done to her was bad, and then I didn’t even have the decency to properly dump her. One day I packed a bag while she was out, got on a bus, left a note saying I was leaving and I hoped I’d never see her again. Changed my phone number and erased all my social media and ended up here with you.”

After a pause, Amethyst finished with, “And the rest is history.”

Lapis chuckled a little. “Heh. Yeah.”

With the smile, Lapis considered something kind of funny. Ever since talking to Steven about how liking someone meant making them happy, it seemed more like Amethyst was the one who made Lapis happy. Not in a deep or powerful way, but in the little things--reaching out, having fun, doing the dishes, making jokes when the mood was otherwise bleak.

Lapis glanced over her shoulder again to see Amethyst sitting silent, expression pensive.

“I’m sorry,” Lapis said. “I didn’t want to tell you guys. But I guess with her showing up, I can’t _not_ tell you.”

“Have you told Peridot?” Amethyst asked.

“No. But she’s probably figured it out herself by now.”

Amethyst nodded, understanding. They were both silent for a few seconds.

“So, there,” Lapis finally said. Her tone was light and casual again, a burden lifted. She hadn't realized how heavily the confession had been weighing on her until she got it out. “You got the story. You can let me get dressed now.”

“Oh--whoops,” Amethyst laughed, hopping down from the counter. “Totally forgot you were still half naked. I'll scat.”

“Thanks.”

Lapis pulled the straps of her bra back up over her shoulders and tried again to do up the back. But this time, instead of being interrupted by an intruder, she was thwarted by the hooks just refusing to hook together. Lapis bit her tongue and fumbled a little--it was tricky when you couldn’t see what you were doing, but she didn’t know why she was having so much trouble right now as opposed to any other time--

“Here, lemme get that for ya.”

Amethyst was still there. Lapis felt the other girl’s hands gently touch hers, and she conceded to accept the help. Amethyst quickly attached the hooks, just barely brushing Lapis’s back with her fingers.

“And here’s your shirt.”

Lapis took the t-shirt and pulled it over her head. “Thanks.”

“And...Jasper did say she’d come back.”

A long, quiet exhale.

“Yeah. I figured.”

“You said your thing, I figured I oughta say mine.”

Lapis blew out another breath and turned around, fluffing her hair a little more. “That’s that. Settled.”

“Settled down,” Amethyst agreed. She grinned and turned on her heel to open the door. “After you, milady.”

Lapis laughed. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“I dunno. Must’ve been something good.” Amethyst stepped out of the bathroom after Lapis and closed the door.

“Isn’t there a song like that?”

“Heck if I know. Per’s the music nut, ask her. Oh, but not tonight.” Amethyst stepped up onto the couch to reach over and grab her phone from the table. “I’m about to go get ‘er from her thing and then I’m taking her out for ice cream as a reward for acing the interview.”

“And what if she didn’t ace the interview?”

“Then I’ll get her ice cream to cheer her up. Later!”

With that, Lapis was alone.

She had a test in calculus on Tuesday, so she might as well try studying. She grabbed her materials from her room and moved them back onto the couch--she’d want to be out by the door so she could see Peridot as soon as she got back.

There. Now all she had to do was turn on some music on the record player and--

Her hand, moving on mostly instinct, stopped on empty air where the record player had been sitting for the past month.

_Oh yeah. It’s at the museum. And it’s been there for the last three days, you dummy--_

No problem, she would just have to look up the songs on her phone.

_“And completely ignore the necessity of the original atmosphere and sound quality?”_

Lapis sighed with a smile and rolled her eyes. Welp. There went her plan to study. Now she had no choice but to open up Interflix and start bingeing _Li’l Butler_ like Amethyst had been bugging her to do forever.

_Hahaha. Procrastination._

The intro to the first episode opened with a neatly-gloved hand knocking on a fancy door. As the theme music started, the door was opened by a family of the classic rich white airheads trope. Lapis snickered. This was going to be cheesy. Then again, that _Pretty Hairstylist_ manga Amethyst recommended had been pretty good, so she supposed this couldn’t be too bad.

Halfway through the third episode, a perfectly-timed awkward silence made way for Lapis to hear a phone ringing. She’d been so absorbed that she hadn’t noticed it ringing for several seconds. In a panic, she paused the show and dug her phone out of her pocket.

Wait--it wasn’t her phone that was ringing.

Lapis peered over the back of the couch and saw a green Android in a case styled like an alien, buzzing and chirping like crazy. Whoops. She pulled her own phone back out and texted Amethyst.

_Peri left her phone here and it’s ringing. What should I do?_

Fortunately, Amethyst’s answer was quick:

_haha whoops, silly girl needs t quit losin her technology_

_she says u can answer n take a massage_

Correcting the typo would take more effort than Lapis was currently willing to expend. But...no asking who was calling? Hm. Tentatively Lapis put down her phone and picked up Peridot’s.

“This is the phone of Peridot Rabara,” Lapis greeted, mimicking the tone of a perky telemarketer.

“Wha--excuse me? To whom am I currently speaking? And where is Peridot?”

The woman’s voice was  authoritative and professional, but shrill and annoying. Lapis held in a laugh at thoughts of what Peridot might have done to get this lady on her case.

“Um, this is her roommate, Lapis Lazuli Paz. Peridot’s not here right now, but I can take a message.”

“Egh--well, when you see her again, inform her that Mother expects her home for Thanksgiving. She wants--”

“Wait, what?” Lapis sat up. “Who is this?”

A condescending scoff. “This is her sister, Pearl. When you--”

“Really?”

“Yes, really! Stop interrupting me!”

Steven’s babysitter was Peridot’s sister? No, that was ridiculous--she must just be a different Pearl. It wasn’t too uncommon a name. But why had Peridot never mentioned having a sister?

“When you see Peridot again,” Pearl said suddenly, startling Lapis a little, “tell her that when she comes home for Thanksgiving, Mother wants to be shown that she didn’t make a mistake in allowing her to move out on her own. She needs to have adequate housing and employment, and she needs to be doing well in her classes.”

_Allowed to move out on her own?_

“Is she...seeing anyone at the moment?”

“Erm--yeah.”

“Is it you?”

“What? No! We’re just--”

“Then tell her Mother wants to meet her significant other as well, and that she’d better hope she approves. Is that clear?”

“Yeah. I mean, uh, yes, ma’am.”

“Good. That will be all.”

_Click-beep._

Lapis bit her tongue. Well, that was over quickly.

She traded Peridot’s phone for her own and shot another text at Amethyst.

_It was her sister. She says their mom wants her home for Thanksgiving._

It was several moments before the three dots popped up to show Amethyst working on a reply. The amount of time she spent typing was far too long compared to the short message she sent.

_peridot says poop._

Followed almost immediately by:

_oh she want it in all caps. peridot says POOP_

_on the way back. talk when we get there._

***

The door opened, and Lapis looked up. “How’d your interview go?”

Peridot grumbled something unintelligible and slumped onto the couch beside her, burying her face in the armrest.

“I’m guessing not good.”

Peridot lifted her head just enough to say, “We got there late, which wouldn’t have been much of an issue except for the fact that it sent my anxiety through the roof. And then that combined with my already-lacking social skills to make the entire occasion a total bust.”

“Bummer.” Lapis frowned sympathetically.

Amethyst locked the door for the night and meandered toward the kitchen.

“It’s fine. Amethyst was mostly able to take my mind off this failure and I have another interview next week,” Peridot said. “Let’s just hope it’s enough to satisfy the Yellow Diamond.”

A loud noise briefly drew Lapis’s attention to the kitchen--Amethyst was mixing up eggs and mayonnaise in the blender.

“The Yellow Diamond?” Lapis asked.

Peridot sat up but kept her eyes down, speaking with detached emotionlessness. “A nickname for my mother in the business world. The toughest, richest, most perfect of them all. The ‘yellow’ part’s just for her notorious aesthetic preferences--everything’s yellow. It’s frankly obnoxious.” She wrinkled her nose and her voice rose a little. “After all she’s done to throw me away, she still thinks she can push me around--”

“You don’t have to go,” Lapis said. “Just flip ‘er the bird and forget about her. You’re an adult. She can’t control you.”

“She’d find some way to punish me,” Peridot murmured. “Can’t have me out here slandering her name.”

 _Splurt._ Amethyst was now adding half a bottle of mustard to her weird concoction.

Peridot sighed.

“Growing up, you always view your mom as a hero,” she said softly, mostly to herself. “I thought she really was the best of the best. Everything I ever did was just to try to make her happy. Then out of the blue, she decides it’s not enough...and now she’s giving me a chance to try again…”

Amethyst ran the blender again. Lapis held in and pushed way the urge to snap at her.

“Do you still...want to try?” Lapis asked. “To fix things?”

“Well, of course not, I want to ‘flip the bird’ and forget about the clod who ruined my life and never cared about me,” Peridot replied. “And of course I want to restore my good standing and relationship with my lifelong favorite person, not to mention my only real family.”

Lapis pursed her lips and folded her hands. She could understand that dilemma.

Amethyst unplugged the blender and dumped its contents into the sink. “Hey, Lapis, can I talk to you?”

Lapis looked up, surprised by the suddenness of the question. “What about?”

“In your room. Peridot needs to snooze off all that stress.” Amethyst pushed away from the kitchen counter and came over to the couch, affectionately ruffling Peridot’s hair. “Plus you got stuff goin’ on in the morning.”

Peridot hummed and leaned back. “Maybe I should just let you be my new mom.”

“Nah, your mom can’t do this.” Amethyst gently pulled Peridot’s glasses off and kissed her forehead, eliciting a scoff.

“Moms kiss foreheads all the time--”

“Ah-ah, I’m not done.” She placed another kiss on the tip of Peridot’s nose, and then her lips.

Lapis stood up and moved toward her bedroom.

After she closed the door and sat on her bed, it wasn’t long before Amethyst opened it again and quickly slid through. Her gaze was on the floor as she edged over to Lapis’s desk and sat in her swivel chair.

“Don’t tell Peridot,” she said in a hushed, harried voice. “I made it so she’d be late for the thing on purpose.”

“You _what?”_

“Shsh!”

Lapis closed her mouth, shocked. She opened it again to try to argue, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

“It’s just…” Amethyst huffed. “If she gets a job I won’t be able to see her as much anymore. She barely has any free time for me anyway.”

“That’s really selfish,” Lapis said bluntly. But she immediately regretted her words--what right had she to judge when she’d been thinking the exact same things earlier?

“I _know_ ,” Amethyst said. “But--she doesn’t really _need_ a job right now, I can pay for whatever she needs just fine--and it would just stress her out even more, and--”

“More stressed than she is about screwing up every interview?” Lapis asked. “You heard what she said before. She thinks she can’t get a job because she’s not good enough.”

“But she should _know_ she’s good enough. _I_ know she’s good enough, _you_ know she is--” Amethyst gave a short growl and buried her hands in her hair. Her voice lowered. “I just wanna spend time with her.”

_Fair enough. But..._

“But now she has a chance to start fixing things with her mom, and her sister.” Lapis leaned forward to look Amethyst in the eye. “She needs her family.

“Amethyst, if you really love her, you need to do what’s best for her.”

“But what if she goes back to her mom and stays there?” Amethyst worried. “Stops living with us? Or what if her mom doesn’t like us and I never get to see her at all again?”

“That wouldn’t happen. But even if it did...if that’s what Peridot wants, we shouldn’t try to stop her.”

Amethyst closed her mouth.

She slouched and leaned on Lapis’s desk.

“You're right,” she said. “Man. We both really suck.”

Lapis snorted. “Yeah. We’re trash.”

“Lucky thing real-life redemption arcs are a thing.” Amethyst lifted herself out of the chair and started out. “Might as well get started on mine.”

At the door, she paused.

“If you love something, let it go,” she said, quiet with finality. “What she wants is more important than what I want.”

“Sounds like a pretty solid start,” Lapis approved.

Amethyst grinned. "Thanks. Oh--and by the way, Pers told me to tell you that she's booked Monday night for you. To go to your art show thing."

Lapis perked up. "Really?"

"Yep. Til then I'm stealin' all her free time though. Anyway...thanks for the talk."

"Same to you."

The door closed. Lapis was still smiling.

_Amethyst really loves Peridot._

_If anything’s going to break them up, it’s gonna have to be stronger than Yellow Diamond._

The smile faded into stern certainty.

_And it sure as heck isn’t going to be me._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everybody go throw confetti on coreyww for the idea of yellow pearl being peridot's sister. u da man c-dubs


	12. Art Gallery

Monday night.

Lapis exhaled. Her hair was neatly smoothed where it needed to be and playfully floofed everywhere else. Her outfit was comfortable and cute and expertly coordinated. Her shoes were light and loose enough to slip off whenever she felt like it. She’d driven carefully on the way. Conversation had been easy and cheerful. So far, everything was perfect, and they hadn’t even entered the museum yet.

Which meant there was still plenty of time for things to go wrong.

“So, your work must be rather prestigious to be featured in a show of this scale,” Peridot commented, tugging Lapis’s mind away from her anxiety.

“It’s not all mine,” Lapis explained as they entered the gallery after checking into the museum. It was just as empty as one would expect on a chilly Monday evening; while there were plenty of visitors on the weekends, for now the two of them were alone. “There’s really only three pieces by me--the rest is mostly Professor V’s other artist people and a couple other students.”

“Well, I’m sure your work is the best of the collection,” Peridot remarked nonchalantly.

“Thanks,” Lapis chuckled. “I don’t wanna brag, but...the grand finale is mine, so, you’re probably right.”

She paused at the first sculpture of hers and stood like a game show model to display it to Peridot. It was an old piece that she’d dug out and spruced up at the studio--a humble stick-and-string mobile from which hung some well-loved baseball equipment. Balanced, straightforward, and aesthetically perfect in its simplicity.

“This one’s a baseball bat,” she said. “It reminds me of the time I was on a baseball team in fourth grade.”

“Hmm.” Peridot rubbed her chin, deep in thought, then grinned. “Yes! A testament to the innocence of youth before life becomes cluttered with worry, as well as a challenge against traditional gender roles!”

“Yeah, I guess.” Lapis smiled, flattered by Peridot’s enthusiasm.

Next up was the piece she’d worked on after the rock concert Amethyst had taken them to: a towel standing like a flag atop a large tire, surrounded by mismatched branches of other car parts. “This is a beach towel and pieces of a truck. It reminds me of the time we laid on beach towels in your truck.”

“Of course!” Peridot said excitedly. “A symbol of our newfound comfort and friendship rising victoriously above the sharp, broken vestiges of our past unhappy experiences!”

Lapis laughed again. “You are thinking way more deeply about these than I am.”

“Well, I--” Peridot blushed and shrugged a little. “I read up a little bit on different methods of artistic interpretation. In preparation for this visit.”

“Aw,” Lapis replied. “That’s actually pretty thoughtful of you.”

Peridot shrugged again and glanced away, scratching her cheek. “It’s the least I could do. You’re the one who showed me the value of art in the first place.”

Lapis beamed. “And you’re the one who made all of this possible.”

After a brief pause, Peridot stood up straighter, determination in her eyes. “Alright, you told me there were three. Show me the third!”

“You’ve already seen it,” Lapis replied.

“Not the complete finished product!”

Lapis turned her head to look down the aisle of sculptures. “Down there at the end. Right in the middle.”

Her personal favorite, in appearance and meaning. Her pride and joy. The beautiful decorated record player, playing that lovely Endless Romance, and its ever-reflecting mirrors on all four sides. Peridot stepped up to look at it closely, silent in marvel.

“The record player you gave me,” Lapis said. “It reminds me of...you.”

Peridot turned to her, awestruck.

“From when you gave me the record player,” Lapis hastily added. “Because that was a--significant thing. That happened. When you gave me that.”

“Right, right.”

Shoot. Now it was awkward. Lapis shoved her hands in her pockets.

“You got it to play the music on its own,” Peridot observed.

“Oh yeah,” Lapis replied. “I finally figured it out.”

“Very clever.” Peridot rocked on her heels, swaying to the music a little. “The sound accents the structure really nicely.”

“That’s just cus it’s nice music.”

For a moment they stood in silence, watching the vinyl spin and listening to the tune. Unconsciously, Lapis began to slightly swing her hips from side to side. Where was the deep analysis for this one? Why wasn’t Peridot talking? What was different here? What had changed? 

But then Peridot did speak:

“Do you...want to dance?”

Lapis raised an eyebrow. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting Peridot to say, but it wasn’t that.

Peridot was standing with one hand behind her back and the other extended toward Lapis. She looked adorable all the way from the tip of her spiky hair to her big nerdy glasses to her nervous little smile to her silly red bowtie, down to her kiddish green socks to her never-not-impressive platform heels.  _ Yeesh, they’re huge--it’s almost like she’s standing on paint cans or something-- _

Friends could dance together, right? Just as friends, dorking around in a museum because there happened to be music playing and they couldn’t think of anything else to do or say. No risk.

Lapis stepped out of her shoes and lowered her hand into Peridot’s, and Peridot intertwined their fingers. Her hand was soft and gentle and the perfect size to fit right into Lapis’s grasp.

Peridot put her other hand on Lapis’s shoulder and pulled her forward a little, closing the distance between their bodies. 

Lapis swallowed her catching breath and pounding heart, and reciprocated the gesture.

On an unspoken cue, Peridot stepped forward and Lapis stepped back. Then to the side, then Lapis forward and Peridot back. A simple waltz. The beat was off a little bit--the song wasn’t meant to be a waltz--but somehow they made it work.

“Where did you learn to dance?” Lapis asked, gently teasing.

“Shh.” Peridot pulled one arm away and lifted the other, still holding Lapis’s hand. “I’m trying to create a moment.”

She twirled her. Lapis laughed, having to duck to get her head under Peridot’s arm.

“Am I not allowed to talk during this ‘moment’?”

“Correct. Let the music talk for you.” Peridot pulled Lapis back in, but somehow instead of returning to normal dance position, Lapis ended up facing away from Peridot, with her arms crossed and Peridot’s hands at her hips.

Lapis spun out again. “I’m worried the music doesn’t know what I want to say.”

“W-what...do you want to say?”

“I dunno.”

Now it was Peridot’s turn to be twirled. Lapis was enjoying this, effortlessly trading off who was leading and who was following. It was a nice change from...

“Maybe I want to ask--”

Her words turned into a “whoa!” as Peridot suddenly lost her balance and tipped backwards with a yelp. 

Lapis flailed to catch her. “I gotcha! Don’t--whoa.”

She froze, Peridot held in an accidental but flawless dip.

Peridot’s face was inches from her own. Her little body was a strangely comforting weight in her arms--light but solid. Their legs were braced close against each other; their eyes were locked together.

She’d never really noticed Peridot’s freckles before--or at least, never fully appreciated them. Tiny spots of copper, barely discernible from her skin’s natural tan; some splashed across her cheekbones, more dappling her forehead. Right in the center they were clustered more densely, almost in the shape of an inverted triangle. They seemed to get sparser as they went down her face, nearly disappearing altogether by the time they reached her lips.

Lips that, despite everything, Lapis was focusing on.

“What kind of moment were you trying to create?” Lapis asked in a whisper.

Peridot’s answer was simple and sure. “This kind.”

She grabbed Lapis by the collar and kissed her.

The music swelled.

Lapis didn’t even try to pull away. If anything, she held to Peridot tighter, closing her eyes and succumbing to the moment without putting up a fight. 

She could deny it all she wanted, but she’d been wanting this. And she'd been imagining this, in those little spots late at night when her thoughts lost control and started to turn into dreams. But oh, man, nothing she’d fantasized could have been as magnetic as this. Peridot was an amazing kisser. Amethyst was definitely a lucky--

_ Amethyst. _

Lapis opened her eyes. 

And shoved Peridot away.

Peridot stumbled backwards, wobbling on her high heels but quickly regaining her balance. She looked up at Lapis, brow arched and mouth open and eyes filled with confusion and hurt.

“What was that?!” Lapis demanded.

Peridot blinked twice. “I-I thought--”

“Do you even care about Amethyst at all?!”

“No--wh--of course, but I--”

“You think you can just go behind her back and--”

“That’s not what’s--”

“No, no,  _ no--” _

How dare she. How dare she! Peridot had no right to be kissing her when they both knew what it would do to Amethyst. Especially after Lapis had been working so hard all this time to keep from kissing her first.

Lapis’s eyes stung with angry tears. “After all this time that I’ve been--”

Peridot took a step forward and reached toward Lapis. “You don’t understand, I--”

“No.” Lapis pushed her hand away, her voice lowering to a hard bite. “I’m done with this. Leave me alone.” 

Lapis turned her back and strode off, fists clenched against wanting to hit something, teeth clenched against wanting to sob. When she reached the door she opened and closed it a little more forcefully than she needed it to.

The music kept playing, unaffected, even as Peridot kicked the stand it sat on and then slid to the ground beside it.

***

Lapis walked all the way back to the apartment. Her steps were hard and fast, the pavement slapping and scraping at her bare soles. She probably stepped on plenty of thorns and rocks and broken glass. Good. She deserved all the hurt she could get.

She must’ve accidentally made it obvious to Peridot how much she liked her. She shouldn’t have stuck around and let it grow this big. She brought this on herself.

Miraculously, every crosswalk she came to was immediately clear--she never had a moment to stop and stew. If her blood ever got a chance to slow, her anger would surely melt into sadness, and she’d break down crying.

Lapis sniffed sharply and straightened her shoulders, shoving away a burning tear with the back of her hand. She’d have to start packing as soon as she got home. She wasn’t going to keep living there anymore. First she’d treated Amethyst like garbage the whole first few months they’d lived together, then she’d messed up Peridot’s careful schedule by stupidly needing that tutoring, then she’d gotten Amethyst beat up by bringing Jasper, and now she was getting in between their relationship--the best thing she could do for both of them now was to leave. 

Amethyst was right. If you love something, let it go. And it won’t come back to you, because it was never yours.

When she arrived, Amethyst was sitting on the couch and quickly looked up from her phone.

“Lapis, let’s--”

“I don’t wanna talk,” Lapis forced out.

“Hey, Peridot told me what happened--”

Lapis squeezed her eyes shut, but didn’t stop.

“Fine! Whatever!” she said, swinging her bedroom door open and slamming it shut. “I’m already packing my bags anyway!”

“What?!” Amethyst exclaimed. “Why?!”

“I’m leaving!” She swept everything off her desk and into her backpack. 

Amethyst jiggled the doorknob. “Dude, that’s--”

“Don’t come in!” Lapis flung the backpack onto her back. “You guys don’t need me screwing up your lives anymore!”

“Ugh! You’re so emo!” Amethyst yelled from the other side of the door.

“Leave me alone!”

Something wet hit her hand. Apparently she was really crying now.

“Lapis, you don’t understand--”

“ _ What? What don’t I understand?”  _ Lapis shouted, whirling to face the door. “Why are you trying to make me stay? Why are you still defending her after what she just did to you?!”

_ “Cus I’m the one who told her to kiss you, dunderhead!” _

Lapis froze.

“Wh--” she started, but the question lodged itself in her throat. With some effort, she pushed it out. “Why would you do that?”

Amethyst scoffed. “Duh, cus she likes you. And you like her.”

“How did you--”

“You, I picked up on forever ago,” Amethyst said casually. “All that blushing was real subtle.”

Lapis was glad that the door between them hid that her cheeks were flaming right now.

“Peridot told me she likes you back just the other day. After that interview,” Amethyst continued. “But she didn’t know what to do about it, so I thought it’d be good advice to tell her to cut to the action.”

“But--” Lapis wrapped her arms around herself. “But what about you?”

Amethyst clucked her tongue. “Well…”

The door creaked as Amethyst sat on the floor and leaned against it.

“I like you, too.”

Lapis blinked, stunned.

After a second of silence, she hesitantly reached for the doorknob.

“I’m opening the door,” she said.

There was some more creaking. Lapis opened the door as Amethyst stood up and turned to face her. Her gaze was downcast, and her hair fell over her eyes. Amethyst put her hand on her hip and blew her bangs away, faking aloofness.

“So, yeah,” Amethyst said, not making eye contact. “Peridot does care about me, but I care about her more, and I care about you.”

“Why?”

“I dunno, why not?” Amethyst shrugged. “Cus you deserve it. And I know you don’t like me the same way, so if you and her are gonna be happy together, then--”

She blew out a short breath, then smiled up at Lapis.

“That’s cool with me.”

Lapis’s heart thudded once, twice.

And then, somehow, for some reason, things clicked into place.

“What if maybe I do like you back?” she said quietly.

Amethyst’s smile dropped in surprise. “Wha?”

“Would that be okay?” Lapis asked, voice pitching a bit higher than normal. “I mean, I don’t know if--but...if I think you’re an amazing friend and an amazing person, and you’re strong and funny and beautiful and I don’t know why I didn’t see it until just now but--”

“Holy--” The shocked O of Amethyst’s mouth grew into an open-mouthed grin. “Holy no friggen duh! That’s why Steven’s been posting all that poly stuff!”

Lapis tentatively laughed. “Is that a yes?”

“Yeah it is, you dork! C’mere!”

Lapis’s little laugh turned into a real one as Amethyst threw her arms around her waist. She hugged her back, burying her hands in her thick hair and holding her face to her neck, and before long they were kissing too, and after a few tries they actually managed to keep their lips together for more than half a second without bursting out laughing again.

The front door opened. “Ameth--agck! What are you two doing?!”

Amethyst pulled away, keeping one arm around Lapis’s waist. “Hey, Per-bear, how’d you like to have two girlfriends for the price of one?”

Lapis could almost see the stars in Peridot’s eyes.

“Amethyst explained everything,” Lapis said. “I’m so sorry I overreacted. I didn’t understand. But--now I do.”

Peridot threw down her keys and Lapis's shoes, pushed the door shut behind her, and ran across the room.  _ “You--utter--clods!” _

She launched herself at Lapis and Amethyst and hit them with surprising force, sending all three of them to the floor in a clumsy group hug. No sooner had they landed than they were both attacked with a storm of little smooches.

“You have  _ completely  _ exhausted the range of my emotions today, Lapis Lazuli Paz,” Peridot declared.

Lapis giggled. “I guess we’re even then.”

Peridot responded to that with a long kiss. This one felt much better than the first--absolutely pure, absolutely happy, absolutely right.

“Get a room!” Amethyst teased.

Lapis couldn’t help but laugh at that, giving Peridot a chance to break away and redirect her fire. “You’re not exempt from this, either!”

And so, for a good long moment, Lapis felt good. 

She felt safe. She felt calm. She felt at home. She felt at peace. She felt loved.

And above all, the most important feeling--it wouldn’t last, to be sure, but in this moment she could enjoy the thought untainted--she felt like she deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HOLIDAYS FOLKS


	13. J3

_ This isn't working. _

_ Please stop calling me. I don't want to talk to you. _

To stop herself from wanting crush her phone in her hand, Jasper slammed the device to the countertop and slid it away. 

Her fingers were twitching for a cigarette. Dammit. It was her third time trying to quit since Lapis left, and she’d been doing really well this time, but now after having come so close to seeing her again…and now with Ocean gone…

She bit her tongue. Her coach would be livid if she got caught smoking again, so she had to resist. It’d mess up her game.

At least there was that girl who'd asked her out at the coffee shop--Ruby, her name was. Maybe she would want to stay.

She told herself she didn’t care. Ocean was just a one-time fling. She meant nothing.

Jasper stood and walked out the door, leaving her phone on the counter. Maybe a walk outside would clear her head. The cold air would cool her down.

Outside, the night was as brisk as her pace. Her boots thudded heavily on the concrete as she wandered down the street, head down, hands in pockets. A giggling couple coming in the opposite direction fell silent as they passed her. She hunched her shoulders away from them.

It wasn’t fair. Lapis shouldn’t have been able to just leave and forget and move on while Jasper was still stuck here, pathetic and alone. And now Lapis was out living with people who cared about her enough to cover for her and fight for her. To top it off, they were people Jasper knew--her opponent for the regional wrestling tournament and her old friend from growing up. Meanwhile, Jasper had…

Nobody.

Nothing.

Her hands became fists in her pockets; she bit down harder on her tongue.

She wasn’t pretending everything with Lapis had been great and wonderful. But the good of it outweighed the bad, right? Anything would be better than feeling like this weak broken empty lonely failure. Right?

She didn't just want Lapis back. She  _ needed  _ her.

But she couldn’t afford to make another random trip to Beach City on her own--she’d have to wait for the tournament. And while she was there, she would go with Ruby to the gallery. Lapis’s gallery.

_ Perfect. _

So there was her plan. She’d go to the art show one way or another. She’d give things a try with Ruby, and if it didn’t work out-- _ who am I kidding, I know it’s not going to work out-- _ she’d go back after Lapis. She’d drag her away from Peridot and Amethyst, and then she’d fall to her knees and grovel or threaten or do whatever it took to get her back. And she wouldn’t give up until she got what she wanted.

Oh, and she’d completely destroy Amethyst in the tournament. Just for good measure.

Jasper stopped at the corner and turned around to go back home.


	14. Auto Shop

“The moment was perfect. I did everything you told me and it worked out fine.”

“Until she pulled the ol’ break-and-slap?”

“What? I did not slap her.”

“No, all the hurt you inflicted was purely emotional.”

“Have I apologized for that enough yet?”

“You could probably stand to say it again.”

Amethyst’s bed was just as small and crowded as it had been the last time three people had tried to fit on it at once. But, just like last time, they were making it work--Peridot in the middle, Lapis and Amethyst close and cozy on either side of her. They’d been lying there for a while now, not really doing anything. Just talking. Enjoying each other’s company.

“I’m sorry,” Lapis said, lightly kissing Peridot’s temple. “I didn’t mean to inflict any emotional hurt.”

“Yknow, we probs could’ve avoided the whole mess by just talking about it in the first place,” Amethyst pointed out.

“That was my plan all along,” Peridot proclaimed proudly.

Lapis chuckled. “Moral of the story is, always listen to Peridot and never listen to Amethyst.”

“That’s fair.”

“It worked out anyway, though,” Lapis said.

“Yes,” Peridot affirmed. “Yes, it did.”

Lapis reached over Peridot and wiggled her fingers a little, inviting Amethyst to hold her hand. Amethyst smiled and complied; Peridot then took both their hands in her own. They stayed like that for a while, quiet.

“You know you have a different problem now,” Lapis said.

“What?”

“Which one of us are you gonna bring to your mom’s for Thanksgiving?”

Peridot blinked.

Then she slapped her hands over her eyes and groaned.

***

“Maybe I should just bring both of you,” Peridot declared that afternoon. They’d been stretching the discussion over most of the day, trading shouted suggestions whenever they passed each other between classes and sending text messages that Lapis had forced herself to ignore while at work. Nothing had gotten them anywhere close to a concrete decision. Now, on Amethyst’s prompting, the three of them were squished into the front seat of Peridot’s pickup truck as she drove them into town.

“If she’s open enough to have me under her roof again, maybe she’s also willing to accept that I have two girlfriends now,” Peridot continued. “It’s not  _ that  _ much of a stretch, is it?”

“Maybe, but she probably wouldn’t have enough food for an extra person,” Lapis replied. “You should just bring Amethyst. I won’t mind.”

Amethyst laughed. “She won’t have enough food for me. Bring Lapis, I’m cool with it.”

“You’ve been dating Amethyst longer.”

“Your mom probably wouldn’t like me.”

“I already told your sister I wouldn’t be coming.”

“I’m getting the feeling neither of you really want to join me for Thanksgiving,” Peridot hummed. The truck rumbled to a stop at a red light. “In any other circumstances, clearly both of you would be jumping at the chance to spend more time with my wonderful self.”

“True.”

“Your mom scares us.”

“Well then, date aside,” Peridot said, pressing on the gas again as the light turned green, “what else did Pearl say Mother needs to approve?”

“‘She needs to have adequate housing and employment, and she needs to be doing well in her classes,’” Lapis recited, pinching her nose in a proud impression of Peridot’s sister.

“Housing is adequate, classes are doing well,” Peridot listed. “But as for employment, I’m--”

“Turn here, turn here, this is it,” Amethyst said suddenly, excitedly pointing.

Peridot furrowed her brow, but complied. “Where are we going again?”

“It’s a surprise. Look, on your right, pull in there.”

Lapis peered out the window.

“Earl’s Auto Repair?”

Peridot pulled in and parked in front of the garage. The place was small and humble-looking; not shabby, but not spectacular. The sign was timeworn but clean, and the little waiting area looked cozy enough.

“You’ve brought me to a mechanic,” Peridot said. “Are you going to explain yet?”

“You gotta get outta the car.” Amethyst unbuckled and nudged Peridot toward the door.

“Be careful with your hand!”

“You too, Lappy, c’mon.”

Lapis followed Amethyst and Peridot out of the truck and into the garage, where a pair of lanky legs clad in a teal jumpsuit stuck out from under a heavily injured Hummer. An intimidatingly tall woman with even taller hair and even more intimidating mirrored sunglasses leaned against the nearest wall--probably the vehicle’s owner.

“You have visitors,” the woman announced.

“I’ll be with you in a moment!’ the mechanic hollered from underneath the Hummer, her voice muffled.

Amethyst wrapped her right arm around Lapis’s waist and slung her left over Peridot’s shoulders, evoking short squeals from them both. “Hey, Pearl, guess who your visitors  _ are.” _

Pearl slid out from under the vehicle. “Oh. Hello, Amethyst. How’s your hand doing?”

“Can we check this out?” Amethyst asked, pointing to the car Pearl was working on.

“Feel free,” Pearl granted, standing and stepping back. 

They moved over to the car and peered down under the hood. Lapis didn’t know much about cars, but she could easily guess that the mess of parts here was more of a mess than it was supposed to be. “What happened here?”

“Apparently, Garnet  _ accidentally  _ lost control at the supermarket the other day when someone stole her parking space.”

“That’s not why I hit him,” said the sunglasses woman.

“Right, right--he also had a political window decal she disagreed with.”

“He had it coming.”

So this was Garnet, Amethyst’s really cool friend they totally had to meet. As far as first impressions went, she didn’t disappoint. Lapis smiled.

“So, Peridot,” said Pearl, “Amethyst has told me you’re rather well-versed in engineering.”

“Well, I won’t pretend I’m an expert,” Peridot replied disinterestedly, “but I know enough to see that if you’re really going to just recalibrate this timing belt instead of replacing it altogether, the cylinders will fire completely out of sync and could lead the entire engine to explode.”

“Oohh,” Lapis said, cupping a hand around her mouth. Amethyst snickered.

“That would be interesting,” Garnet said dryly.

Pearl cleared her throat. “Hm. Not bad.”

“Told ya,” Amethyst grinned. “So whaddya say? She ‘not bad’ enough to hire?”

Peridot’s head snapped up. “What?”

“Well, she has more expertise than anyone else I’ve interviewed.” Pearl straightened and rested her fists on her hips. “Alright, Peridot. I’ve been looking for an assistant around the garage--if you can prove yourself, you’ve got the job.”

“What? No!” Peridot denied hurriedly, waving her hands back and forth. “I’m not taking a job from you just because you’re friends with my girlfriend! If you want to hire me, it’ll have to be based on my own merits.”

Pearl smirked. “That’s why I said you have to prove yourself.”

Garnet pushed herself off the wall and adjusted her shades. “This better be good.”

“C’mon, Pers,” Amethyst encouraged, taking Peridot’s hand.

Peridot hesitated.

But Lapis grinned. This was perfect. There were few things Peridot enjoyed more than building and fixing things, and getting her this job was the perfect way for Amethyst to make up for costing her any others--not to mention it would probably pay more than enough for the Yellow Diamond not to turn up her nose. So when Peridot glanced over for her approval, she gave a wholehearted thumbs-up.

Peridot took a deep breath in.

“Alright, Pearl.” Peridot put her hands on her hips and smiled. “Challenge accepted!”

***

“Peri-dot’s gotta-job, Peri-dot’s gotta-job--”

The victorious trio marched up the stairs, probably annoying everyone else in the building with Amethyst’s chanting and Lapis’s percussive fart noises. They didn’t care, of course. All Lapis cared about was how cute Peridot and Amethyst looked as the latter triumphantly carried the former on her back.

“Your first paycheck, you’re takin’ us to Funland,” Amethyst said. “And winning us all the prizes!”

Peridot laughed. “Ha! Why stop there? I’ll buy the whole park!”

“Pearl’s not  _ that  _ rich, is she?” Lapis said.

“I bet Peri could hack the banks so they think she’s that rich.”

“Or rather, that  _ I’m  _ that rich.”

Lapis opened the apartment door and bowed to let her girlfriends in. “Hail to the heroic Peridot and her beautiful escort!”

“Hail to Lapis Lazuli!” Peridot and Amethyst replied, almost in unison.

Still laughing, Peridot slid off of Amethyst’s back and onto the couch, and Lapis closed the door.

“So what are we gonna do to celebrate?” Lapis asked, joining them on the couch. “Movie marathon?”

“Only if you guys promise to snuggle me the whole time,” said Amethyst.

“Deal. Where’s the remote?”

“Ooh, I think they’re showing all three Dogcopters on QTV.”

Peridot turned on the TV and curled up against Amethyst’s side. Lapis situated herself sideways, back against the armrest, and allowed Amethyst to lean on her chest. A perfect little pile, warm and cozy and secure. Lapis smiled and buried her face in Amethyst’s hair as Peridot flipped through channels until she found the Dogcopter marathon.

Somehow, as they watched, their pile gradually became more like a stack, Peridot on top of Amethyst on top of Lapis. It was a little hard to breathe, but other than that the situation was far too comfortable for anyone to complain.

As had become the norm, Peridot talked through the whole first movie, and Amethyst was asleep before the credits rolled, and Lapis was not bothered by it in the slightest. By the time the second movie ended, Peridot was asleep too, and Lapis’s eyelids were starting to get heavy. She turned off the TV and closed her eyes.

A few hours later, Lapis woke up and pondered on the subject of her own mortality.

She didn’t really think her death would be so soon. It was a good way to die, she supposed. She hoped Steven would have a hand in writing her obituary. She could see it now--“Lapis Lazuli Paz has passed away at the tragic young age of twenty, on the morning of November fifth. She died as she lived, doing what she loved: being really gay and pathetic.”

She  _ could  _ just push Amethyst and Peridot off, of course, but darnit, they looked so friggen  _ cute. _ And it would be awfully poetic to die this way, wouldn’t it? Suffocated by love. Suffocated by lesbians. Neither of them could beat “drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra”, of course, but they were still pretty good. She couldn’t decide which would look better on her tombstone.

Lapis sucked in a shallow breath, struggling to expand her lungs as much as she could under Amethyst and Peridot’s weight, and flailed her arm around to find her phone. She knew she left it right over here on this table--there. She scrolled through her contacts and sent a quick message to Steven.

_ What do you think will look better on my tombstone, suffocated by love or suffocated by lesbians? _

_ :O omg are you okay?  _ Steven replied almost immediately.  _ What’s going on??? _

_ I’m dying. Also, what are you doing awake? It’s like 4 in the morning. _

_ I’m coming to rescue you!!!! _

_ No, stay in bed. I was just joking _

_ so you’re not dying? :o _

_ Go to sleep, Steven _

No sooner had she hit ‘send’ than Amethyst shifted, digging her elbow straight into Lapis’s stomach. She suddenly wished Steven really was coming to rescue her.

Amethyst’s eyes slitted open. “Well, hello--whoa, bro, what the snot? You're blue!”

Lapis squeaked something incoherent in response, and Amethyst hurriedly sat up, allowing Lapis to gasp. Peridot mumbled a little, still sound asleep against Amethyst’s back.

“Didn't want to wake you,” Lapis wheezed.

“You gotta chill it with the self-sacrificing biz, Lappy,” Amethyst yawned, rubbing her eye and pushing hair out of her face.

Lapis shrugged. “I’m okay now. All’s well that ends well.”

“Alright. If you say so.” Amethyst moved carefully, trying to stand up without disturbing Peridot too much. Peridot sleepily murmured something about corn as Amethyst gently lowered her head onto Lapis’s lap. “I needs me a late-night snack.”

Lapis settled back down and lightly combed her fingers through Peridot’s hair. Behind her she heard the fridge open; soda cans and Tupperware containers rattled as Amethyst shuffled through them; the fridge closed. Amethyst sat down at the table with a slice of leftover pizza.

Lapis considered trying to go back to sleep, but suddenly found that she didn’t want to close her eyes. Whatever dreams she might come up with couldn’t possibly be as interesting as counting exactly how many freckles there were in the little triangle on Peridot’s forehead.

“Oh, hey, I figured out how to decide who’s goin’ with Peri to Thanksgiving,” Amethyst said with her mouth full.

Lapis looked up from her sleeping girlfriend. “Talk it over openly and honestly and let her decide?”

“Well, yeah. Okay. And/or.” Amethyst swallowed the food in her mouth and leaned forward. She put her left elbow on the table, arm up and extended toward Lapis, hand open and waiting. “Arm wrestle me. Loser meets Yella D.”

_ Yella D?--oh. The Yellow Diamond. Duh. _

Lapis quirked up a corner of her mouth. “I think that bet’s pretty stacked in your favor.”

“Nah, c’mon. You’re stronger than you look.”

A sigh--jokingly overdramatic.

Lapis got up.  _ Sorry, Peridot-- _ good thing she seemed to be a sound sleeper. She settled into the chair across from Amethyst, placed her elbow on the table, and clasped her hand.

Amethyst raised an eyebrow as Lapis smirked, tapping her fingers against the other girl’s knuckles.

“Ready whenever you are.”

Amethyst smirked back, fingers tightening around Lapis’s, both their joints creaking from the strain. Lapis bit her lip, shifting in her seat.

“Go!”

Amethyst flicked her hand forward. Lapis felt her elbow bend at an awkward angle as her hand was forced towards the table’s surface.

With a grunt, she steeled her feet against the ground and tensed.

Amethyst’s hand started to fall backward. 

Then Lapis’s hand. Then Amethyst, then Lapis, back and forth by millimeters, by centimeters--

Lapis pushed her hand harder against Amethyst’s, tension winding its way up her whole body. Her shoulders tightened, her neck strained, her teeth clamped against each other. She needed to win. She  _ wanted  _ to win. She  _ wanted  _ to come out on top, to be the victor, to defeat her, to beat her--she wanted to win _ \-- _ she wanted to control--she wanted to hurt--

Lapis caught her thoughts and faltered.

Her knuckles smacked against the tabletop.

_ Things have changed, but you haven’t,  _ her conscience whispered.

_ It’s a different relationship, but you’re still the same person. _

Amethyst stood, indignant. “That doesn’t count, you just wimped out!”

“No,” Lapis denied, scooting back in her chair. “No, you won fair and square.”

“Rematch, c’mon, don’t just go easy on me.”

“I  _ wasn’t  _ going easy on you. You’re just really strong.”

“Yeah, so gimme a real win. Rematch.”

_ “Ahem.  _ Hey.”

They both turned. Peridot was leaning over the back of the couch, eyes half-lidded in an expression that might have been snarky but was probably just tired.

“As attractive as it was to watch my girlfriends show off their muscular prowess, it is not yet morning and I still want snuggles,” Peridot said.

“One prime order of snuggles, comin’ right up,” Amethyst affirmed, launching herself onto the couch with a playful yell. Peridot laughed, triumphant.

But before Lapis could follow, her phone buzzed. One last text from Steven.

_ I think suffocated by love sounds better :) _

Lapis pursed her lips and turned her phone off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a few lines of this chapter were stolen (with permission) from some writing by my bestest bestie in the galaxy MozzyMoo, she’s not into su but she’s a fantastic writer and artist of a bunch of other dope stuff so if u want you should totally check her out at https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6283095/MoztheThief ~^^~


	15. Hotel Pool

Lapis Lazuli Paz was the coolest person this side of the cosmos.

Or, at least, that’s what was going through her head as she bounced along to the music in her earbuds on the bus home from work. She had just gotten a promotion that seriously boosted her salary. It felt like a miracle. Her manager, Holly, was a real tightwad most of the time--but the owner liked Lapis, so when she scheduled an inspection of the employees, Holly decided to play suckup. It was a pretty cheap and hollow victory, but hey, it got her more money and that was what counted.

And speaking of money: on the very same day as this promotion, she’d received word from Professor V that not one, but  _ all three  _ of her sculptures at the gallery had people wanting to buy them when the exhibition was over, and they were willing to pay big.

Score.

So now that Lapis was rolling in dough, and Peridot was pinching pretty paychecks from Pearl, and Amethyst still had her steady gig of helping the janitor at the gym after wrestling, the three of them had plenty of extra cash. Cash that Lapis was fully intending to totally waste on her girlfriends.

The bus stopped by the apartment building and Lapis stepped off, making a mental list of things to buy. Lots of food and maybe some new cooking equipment for Amethyst. New clothes for Peridot so she didn’t have to keep cycling through the same few shirts she’d taken from home. Some miscellaneous stuff for Amethyst to replace what Lapis had used in her art. And some new shoes for Peridot--the tallest shoes she could find.

Lapis pushed open the door.

“Heyy, blutiful,” Amethyst greeted. “Get it? Cus your hair’s blue and you're beautiful?”

“Hey.” Lapis raised an eyebrow and pointed between the mess of paper towels on the ground and the spots of stuff on the ceiling. “What happened this time?”

“Milk jugs make great dumbbells til you drop ‘em and they explode,” Amethyst replied, setting up a stepladder under the ceiling stain.

Lapis bent to pick up some of the soaked-through paper towels, mopping up a little more of the spilled milk as she did so. “How about I buy you some real dumbbells?”

“Heh, with what?” Amethyst asked, turning around.

Lapis put the paper towels in the trash and pulled from her pocket a stack of bills--the product of a paycheck she'd already cashed. “I got a promotion today.”

“Bro-ho-hoh!” Amethyst jumped down from the stepladder. “How much is that?”

“Not even all of it. And I'm gonna get more later when my art gets sold,” Lapis bragged. “Now  _ I  _ can be the one to win us all the prizes at Funland.” 

“Forget Funland, let’s go to like...some nice hotel or something.”

“Do you want to?” Lapis grinned. “For real? Let’s do it!”

“Yeah, baby!” Amethyst cheered. “Wait, here wait--take my keys and go grab Peri from work.”

“Doesn’t she work until seven?”

“Tell Pearl I said pretty please. Go get her and I’ll pack up all our stuff and we can get goin’ asap.”

Lapis caught Amethyst’s keys in one hand and saluted with the other. “You got it, chief.”

With that, she was practically skipping down the halls and the stairs and out to Amethyst’s car, not caring who saw her or what they thought. She was in too good of a mood for anything to bring her down right now.

Maybe this was karma, Lapis mused as she got in the bug and started driving. Or self-fulfilling prophecy, or whatever the term was--just that things seemed to be all dark and cloudy when she felt grouchy, but now that she had a bit of a more optimistic outlook everything went well. Or maybe it was just coincidence that all these good things were happening at once.

Lapis pulled into the driveway of Earl’s Auto Repair. A red convertible was in the garage, with one person working on it and the other standing a few feet off watching. Lapis turned off the car and stepped out, drawing the attention of the watcher.

“Ah, hello, Lapis,” Pearl said.

And suddenly Lapis deflated. For some reason she’d been expecting Pearl to be the one working and Peridot waiting--but Peridot was apparently too busy fixing this red convertible to even notice Lapis had arrived.

_ Might as well get right to the point.  _ “Um, can she get off a little early? We’re going out tonight,” Lapis said; then, as a bonus, “Amethyst says pretty please.”

“Uh-huh,” Pearl said skeptically. “Well, Peridot’s certainly earned herself a night out, but I wouldn’t want to disturb her at the moment. She’s ‘in the zone’, as she says.”

“I’m in the zone!” Peridot confirmed, lifting one foot up onto the convertible’s front bumper so she could reach further into the engine. “Distracting me could prove fatal!”

“You’ll have to wait a few minutes,” Pearl finished. “There’s chairs inside, or if you’d rather we could bring them out here. Would you care for some tea?”

“Hm?” Realizing Pearl had asked a question, Lapis yanked her eyes away from Peridot’s butt-- _ dang,  _ that jumpsuit looked good--and processed what she’d said. “Uh, no tea, thanks. But I guess I’ll take a chair out.”

Pearl nodded and disappeared into the shop’s office. Lapis rocked on her heels and let her gaze wander around the garage, listening with half an ear to Peridot muttering to herself as she worked. A lot of this stuff probably made sense to Peridot and Pearl, but it just looked like cryptic alien metal stuff to Lapis. A fitting metaphor for the complexity of life, she supposed, if she ever wanted to make a project based on it. 

When Pearl came back out with the chairs, Lapis took one and slumped into it, while Pearl sat primly in the other. Her tea smelled strong--apple and a bit of cinnamon, with a sharp pinprick of mint.

“So,” Pearl said conversationally, “all three of you are dating now.”

Lapis looked up. “What? Oh. Yeah.”

“Steven won’t stop talking about it. He’s very proud of himself,” Pearl explained.

“Well, he should be,” Lapis replied. “He’s most of the reason we got together.”

Pearl chuckled. “He seems to be quite good at that sort of thing. I don’t personally have the best track record with...polyamory, in serious relationships. Lifelong monogamy for me.” She held up her left hand for a second to shyly show off a silver ring on her third finger. “But if it works for you three, I’m glad it does.”

Lapis stared at Pearl, trying to reconcile all the images she’d been getting into one person. A week ago Pearl had been a greasy and grimy mechanic in an old jumpsuit, and before that she’d been an uptight babysitter with questionable eating habits, and now here she was sipping apple tea and casually discussing romance.

“Hm,” Peridot said in the background to nobody in particular. “Let’s see what happens if I turn the coil connector this way--”

“You’re married?” Lapis asked.

“Engaged, just since September.” Pearl’s gaze strayed to her ring. “It’s funny. I’m still trying to get used to it. After all my years of pining and loneliness and relationships that never went anywhere, suddenly this beautiful pink-haired stranger rides into my life on a motorcycle and sweeps me off my feet...”

Lapis glanced back to Peridot. Peridot caught her looking and proudly stuck out her tongue.

Pearl cut herself off. “Well. You don’t want to listen to the lovesick ramblings of an old woman.”

“You can’t be that old.”

“I’ll be thirty-five in June.” Pearl smirked a little. “It’s old by Steven’s standards.”

“Heh. Good ol’ Steven.”

“Alright, I’m gonna start it up!” Peridot declared.

“He’s a good kid,” Lapis said.

The convertible made a weird noise, and Peridot scrambled to shut it off. “Nope, nope, that was wrong!”

“He loves his family more than anything. Especially his sister,” Pearl replied, absent-mindedly running a fingertip along the rim of her teacup. “He’s been missing her, you know. They were so close growing up, and now she’s moved out and moving on…he’s such a cheerful young man, but sometimes I feel like he’s hurting more than he lets on.”

Discomforted by the serious turn in conversation, Lapis looked down and folded her hands in her lap.

“Maybe if I give  _ this  _ a tweak--”

“Greg and Garnet and I do the best we can, but he ends up alone more often than we’d like,” Pearl admitted. 

Lapis pursed her lips, trying not to dwell on the memories suddenly surfacing. They weren’t as strong or sharp or recent as memories with Jasper, so she didn’t push against them  _ that _ harshly, but--

She knew how it felt to spend your childhood alone. It wasn’t a feeling she would want anyone else to experience. It  _ certainly  _ wasn’t a feeling someone like Steven deserved.

_ CLUNK.  _ “Success!”

They both looked up to see Peridot slamming down the hood of the convertible. Peridot grinned and flexed her knuckles. “When those ‘cool kids’ take this baby for a ride, they’ll know the true excellence of Earl’s Auto Repair!”

“Good work, Peridot,” Pearl called. She stood, prompting Lapis to do the same. “I won’t keep any of you waiting any longer, then.”

“Yes!” Peridot bounded over to Lapis’s side and latched onto her arm. “Thanks and goodbye, Pearl!”

“Uh, see ya!” Lapis said over her shoulder as Peridot steered her to the car. 

Lapis held Peridot’s arm a little tighter and told herself to forget about Steven for a while. She’d find some way to help him soon--but this night was about her and her girlfriends.

***

Of course, they weren’t  _ actually  _ rich, so they couldn’t really go anywhere  _ actually  _ fancy. But they could afford to spend the night someplace with big fluffy beds, and a swimming pool, and continental breakfast.

The receptionist didn’t even raise an eyebrow when all three of them, holding hands, requested a room with one giant bed. Sure, it might have just been that they were highly trained in the art of taking all guests’ actions in stride, but Lapis preferred to think that they were actually cool.

At the room, first item of business was to bounce around and “ooh” and “ahh” at everything--the soft blankets, the cool TV, the swanky desk and bright white lamp in the corner, the weird paintings on the walls. After that, time to head straight to the pool. 

Amethyst and Peridot quickly donned their swimsuits--black bikini and jean shorts for the former, dark green one-piece for the latter--and started blowing up a little inflatable float Amethyst had inexplicably found in her room. Lapis neither owned a swimsuit (anymore--the one she used to have was left behind with most other non-essentials when she left her old place, but of course she wasn’t thinking about that right now) nor really wanted to go swimming anyway, so she just changed right into the t-shirt and sweatpants she would sleep in. 

She wasn’t going to miss out on the fun, though. Plenty of fun could be had sitting on the edge of the pool, maybe dipping in a toe or two.

Amethyst lifted the fully-inflated float triumphantly over her head and jumped off the bed. “Last one to the pool does everyone’s laundry when we get home!”

It was an empty challenge--Peridot always did all the laundry anyway; she found it relaxing. That didn’t stop them from sprinting down the halls giggling like giant children.

They reached the pool to find it empty of other patrons. Amethyst pumped her fists in the air. “Yuss! Got the pool to ourselves!”

“Here, Lapis, keep our phones dry,” said Peridot, plucking Amethyst’s phone out of her back pocket and placing it alongside her own in Lapis’s hand. Apparently oblivious, Amethyst cannonballed into the water, sending water droplets flying over a laughing Lapis and Peridot. Peridot handed Lapis her glasses as well, then jumped in after Amethyst with the inflated float held over her head.

Lapis turned on Peridot’s phone--huh, it wasn’t password-protected--and sat cross-legged on a nearby lounge chair. “Maybe you shouldn’t’ve given me these. I’m gonna send embarrassing texts to all of your contacts.”

“Psh,” Peridot scoffed, putting the pool float on top of the water. “My only contacts are you two and a few professors. And Pearl.”

“Pearl your boss, or Pearl your sister?”

Peridot paused in an attempt to clamber onto the float, which kept turning upside-down whenever she tried to get on. “Oh. That’s going to be confusing.”

Lapis opened Peridot’s contact list. Sure enough, the name ‘Pearl’--or rather, ‘PEARL’-- was listed twice.

“Maybe you should come up with a nickname for one of them,” she proposed.

“Yeah, call your sister ‘Pearl’ and your boss ‘the repressed nerd who gets a crush on every tall woman she sees,’” Amethyst suggested.

Peridot awkwardly lifted a leg onto the float, but it flipped over again. She sighed. “Humorous, but probably too long.”

“Maybe if your mom’s the Yellow Diamond, your sister can be the Yellow Pearl,” Lapis tried. “Yellow pearls are a thing, right?”

“I know champagne pearls are a thing,” said Amethyst as Peridot gave a valiant final effort to get on top of the float. “They’re kinda yellow.”

“Champagne,” Peridot considered. She was finally floating successfully atop the water, and thoughtfully stroked her chin. “Yes, because she’s also a sham and a pain!”

Amethyst snickered. “Your puns are gettin’ better.”

“Champagne it is,” Lapis affirmed, tapping one of the PEARLs to change the contact name--oh, but wait, which was which?

Before she could ask, Lapis was startled by a sudden explosion of electric guitar and drums--Amethyst’s phone was ringing, and loudly. Lapis checked the screen.

“Hey, Steven’s calling,” she announced. “Want me to answer it?”

“Long as you don’t say anything weird,” Amethyst granted.

Lapis smiled, hit the green button, and held the phone to her ear. She plugged her other ear with her finger so she wouldn’t get distracted by Amethyst and Peridot’s antics while she talked. “You’ve reached the phone of the hottest wrestler in Beach City, this is your beach summer fun buddy speaking.” 

“Lapis?” Steven replied. “How come you’ve got Amethyst’s phone?”

“I’m guarding it for her while she’s in the pool. What’s up?”

“Well...nothing, I guess,” Steven said, his voice sounding heavier than normal. “I kinda just wanted--wait, did you say pool?”

“Yeah, the three of us are just having a little night out.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I interrupted--I can hang up if you--”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Lapis said. “Are you okay? You sound like you’ve got a sad voice on or something.”

Amethyst looked up from trying to dunk Peridot off the float.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Steven. “Just a little…”

He trailed off. Lapis sat up, tightening her grip on the phone a little.

“Are you home alone?”

Steven sighed. “Yeah. But that’s not why I have the sad voice on. Is it okay if I talk to Amethyst?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” She almost considered asking the real reason for the sad voice, but no--that wasn’t her business, nor was it her job to fix it. It was Amethyst’s.

Lapis took the phone away from her ear and stood to hold it out toward its owner. Amethyst was already out of the pool and ready to take it.

“Yo, Ste-man. What’s happenin’?”

Peridot kicked her feet a little, paddling the float over to the edge of the pool.

“No, yeah, it’s cool. Hang on, lemme step out real quick.” Amethyst held up a finger to say she’d just be a minute, then went out the glass door into the hallway. Lapis rolled up the ends of her sweatpants and sat on the edge of the pool, letting her feet dangle in the water. They watched Amethyst for a moment in silence.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Peridot asked.

Lapis shrugged. “Emotional sibling stuff.”

“Do you think it was serious when Pearl mentioned how missing her was negatively affecting him?”

“You were listening to that conversation?”

“I’m a talented multitasker.”

“Heh.” Lapis chuckled a little, then sobered. “I think so. I don’t have any siblings, I wouldn’t know. But they’re really close, so I can see him missing her a lot.” She waved her feet back and forth in the water. “What’s your relationship with your sister like?”

Peridot scoffed. “Let’s just say I don’t think either of us are too negatively affected by the other’s absence.”

“Ouch.”

“But then that makes me feel bad,” Peridot admitted. “Because I know that if she wasn’t so scared of Mother, it wouldn’t be like that. Instead we’d probably be more like Amethyst and Steven.”

Lapis glanced back through the glass door. Amethyst wore a sad smile, obviously struggling to be optimistic for Steven’s sake.

“When you grow up together, you get mostly all the same experiences,” Peridot said. “Same troubles, same hardships. They used it to bring them closer together, but Pearl and I...we just let it drive us apart.”

There was a solemn beat. Lapis scanned through her mind, searching for something to say to boost the mood.

When she finally found it, she clucked her tongue and smiled.

“Well,” she said, “nothing like some good old-fashioned Thanksgiving dinner to fix a broken relationship, right?”

“Are you saying that sarcastically or sincerely?” Peridot asked.

Lapis laughed. “We’ll have to wait and see, I guess.”

Peridot smiled.

As if on cue, signaled by the end of the conversation, the glass door opened and Amethyst came back in.

“Is Steven okay?” Peridot asked.

“Yeah, mostly.” Amethyst tossed her phone onto the chair. “He’s just goin’ through some stuff, I dunno. Thinking about Mom a lot. There’s gonna be a big family shindig thing for Thanksgiving and he was wondering if I would come, and I wanna be there for him, but--if you need me to help you out with your mom and stuff, then I’m there, no questions asked.”

Lapis and Peridot shared a look. Neither had to speak to know they were both thinking the same thing. 

If sister and brother needed each other, then they weren’t going to stand in the way.

Peridot nodded. 

“Go to your family for Thanksgiving,” she told Amethyst.

Lapis was right beside her, right in sync. “I’ll meet the Yellow Diamond.” 

Amethyst’s eyebrows arched.

“Ugh, you guys are such--great--girlfriends!”

She launched herself at Lapis in an enthusiastic hug, and knocked them both right into the water.

Amethyst immediately splashed back up to the surface. “Oh, geez, sorry--”

But Lapis was laughing--laughing all the way from the moment she came up from underwater to the moment she had her arms wrapped around Amethyst’s shoulders and was kissing her. 

The chlorine of the water didn’t taste too bad coming off of Amethyst’s soft lips. And the weight of her clothes wasn’t too uncomfortable when balanced out by the solidity of Amethyst’s arm around her waist.

Amethyst broke away to give Peridot a kiss, too. Lapis leaned on her shoulder and let her body float, like she didn’t have a care in the world. 

***

Back at the room, Lapis peeled off her wet pajamas, quickly rinsed off in the shower, and slipped into a soft white tank top borrowed from Amethyst. The top was almost big enough to be a nightgown on her; in contrast, the shorts Peridot had lent her were knee-length on their owner but only fell to Lapis’s mid-thigh.

Lapis came out of the bathroom and bounced onto the bed. Amethyst was leaning on the many pillows, still her now-mostly-dry swimsuit, and looking for something to watch on TV.

“Whatcha doing, Peri?” Lapis asked.

Peridot had already changed, into a set of adorable green fleece footie pajamas, and was now sitting at the desk under the bright white lamp with her tablet. “Homework. It’s due soon.”

“I thought the whole point of coming here was to take a break from worrying about homework and stuff,” Lapis pouted.

“Don’t worry,” Amethyst yawned, turning off the TV and pulling up the bedcovers. “I already made her promise to not work all night.”

“I give you both my word,” Peridot pledged without turning around.

It wasn’t quite a satisfying argument, but Lapis was tired, and the pillows and blankets and Amethyst seemed too soft and warm to resist. So she turned off the light, bid her girlfriends goodnight, snuggled down with her face buried in Amethyst’s hair, and closed her eyes.

Not too long after falling asleep, she started dreaming.

 

She dreamed she was on a boat. A motorboat, she guessed, though no engine was running. The boat was drifting in the ocean, no land in sight. The sky was cloudy.

Jasper was beside her. Leaning over the railing, blowing smoke over the sea. Lapis had her hand tucked neatly in the crook of Jasper’s elbow.

Her subconscious seemed to forget that they weren’t together anymore, sometimes. But she rarely remembered these dreams in the morning, so it didn’t bother her too much.

“Those things will kill you, yknow,” Lapis said.

Jasper scoffed, pinching her cigarette between two fingers. “Do you want one?”

“I mean, kinda.” Lapis reached up and took the little stick from Jasper’s offering hand.

Before she could put it in her mouth, though, the boat lurched, and it fell from her fingers. She bent to pick it up, but the boat rocked again, sending her and Jasper both crashing against the railing.

One more wave hit. The boat tipped, and they tumbled into the water.

Lapis tried to swim. Water rolled over her arms as she squirmed up toward the surface. Gray sunlight was almost in reach--

Something suddenly yanked her down, forcing bubbles from her lungs. Lapis twisted her neck over her shoulder. There was a chain hooked around her spine, and Jasper was trying to use it to pull herself up to the surface.

A pair of splashes. Lapis looked up. There were chains on her wrists, too, and Peridot and Amethyst were holding onto them. Were they trying to trap her down here, too? Lapis bared her teeth and pulled away--

\--no, wait, hold on. They were trying to pull her  _ up.  _ They were trying to save her--they must have jumped in to rescue her--

\--but for every time they tugged up, Jasper tugged down, and Jasper was bigger and heavier and stronger than all of them--

Lapis wasn’t going to let them get dragged down with her. 

“Let go!”

Peridot let go, but it was like the chain had shocked her--like Lapis had startled her into doing what she said. Amethyst watched her go, but hesitated to follow.

“Let me go!” Lapis insisted. “Get away! Don’t let me--”

But it was too late--Jasper was still drawing her down, and that was all she had left in her lungs--her mouth filled up with water--then her throat--then her nose, then her ears, then her eyes--

 

Lapis woke up and sucked in a deep breath of air.

As quickly as they had opened, her eyes squinted back shut. The harsh white lamp over the desk was still on, shining around Peridot’s hunched silhouette. 

Lapis sat up and rubbed her eyes until they adjusted. Her dream was fading already, leaving behind only one or two vague details. She’d probably remember a few more details later, or just forget the whole thing altogether. It didn’t really matter either way.

“Hey,” she said quietly. 

Peridot turned around. “Oh. Are you okay? You sounded like you were having a nightmare or something.”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” She pushed the covers off herself and onto Amethyst, slid out of bed, and meandered over to stand behind Peridot. “Are you still working?”

“Gotta stay on top,” Peridot replied, turning back to her tablet. 

Lapis leaned on the back of Peridot’s chair. The alarm clock on the desk read 3:37 AM. “Have you slept yet?”

“Nope,” Peridot said, popping the ‘p.’ “Thanksgiving is imminent. I can’t afford to fall behind on anything.”

Lapis didn’t respond to that. Instead, she pulled over another chair so she could sit beside Peridot and watch her work for a little bit.

On the tablet screen was some computer programming mumbo jumbo--HTML and binary code and numbers and letters and stuff that were way beyond Lapis’s understanding. Maybe she could add some of this to the sculpture she made from the mysteries of the auto shop. “It reminds me of the time my girlfriend stayed up all night doing homework,” she’d tell people.

She shifted her gaze to Peridot’s face. The light of the tablet reflected off her glasses, almost hiding her eyes from view. Her expression was firm and determined--complete focus.

Lapis frowned and looked away. Peridot’s focused face was just an eyebrow-scrunch away from her angry face, or her hurt face. Like in her dream.

“Are you still upset at me for blowing up like I did when you first kissed me? At the art gallery?” she asked.

“Are you still upset at me for kissing you without asking?” Peridot countered.

“No.”

“No.”

Peridot kept tapping and typing, her fingers almost too fast to follow.

Lapis pulled her feet up onto her chair and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Are you still upset at Amethyst for messing up that one interview?”

“Another no there,” Peridot said simply. “She came clean about it, apologized, and I’m happier working for Pearl than I would have been in whatever  _ that  _ job was.”

“Hm.” Lapis smiled a little. “You’re a really forgiving person. That’s...that’s admirable.”

Still concentrating on her work, Peridot shrugged. “I’m not really admirable. I was an ignorant bigoted moron when I first met Amethyst, but--she and her family gave me a chance anyway. And now I’m not like that anymore. So I’ve got to believe that sometimes people hurt you without knowing it or meaning it, and that they can change if you just give them another chance.”

Lapis’s smile grew a little. If anybody else had said it, she would have scoffed at them for being naive and idealistic. But coming out of Peridot’s mouth in this dark hotel room in the middle of the night...the words felt genuine.

“Is that how you feel about your mom?” Lapis asked softly.

Peridot paused.

She scooted backward and put her hands in her lap.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “That’s what I’m hoping.”

She sat still for a second.

Lapis exhaled and put her hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “Hey.”

Peridot looked up.

“You  _ are  _ admirable. You are the closest person to perfect I’ve ever met,” Lapis said. “You’re smart and funny and sweet and hardworking and really great, and your mom’s going to see that when we visit her. And if she doesn’t, then she’s just an idiot. And you don’t need her.”

Peridot blinked. Then she laughed a little and took off her glasses. “Heh. Wow. Thanks.”

Lapis moved her hand from Peridot’s shoulder to her cheek. “C’mere.”

The short distance between them closed with a soft kiss. When they broke apart, Lapis kept her eyes closed and her forehead against Peridot’s.

“Hey,” she said again. “I’m gonna promise something, and you have to hold me to it, okay?”

“Mm-hm.”

Lapis found Peridot’s hand with her own and squeezed it. “I promise that I will never, ever knowingly do something that could possibly hurt you or Amethyst. Ever. And if I ever hurt you accidentally, I promise I won’t rest until I’ve made up for it.”

“Mm-hm.”

Lapis opened her eyes to see that Peridot’s were still closed, and that her mouth was tiredly open. She smiled and kissed the tip of her freckled nose. “You should go to sleep.”

“Mm-hm.”

Peridot leaned forward, her face landing on Lapis’s shoulder. Lapis caught her, reached back to turn off the tablet and the lamp, then shuffled her over to the bed. Amethyst stirred a little, but didn’t wake--just put her arm around Peridot’s waist as she lay down beside her.

“Did you know that you snore?” Peridot murmured as Lapis climbed into bed on the other side of Amethyst.

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah. I never noticed because you’re always the last one asleep, but you snore really loud.”

Lapis yawned. “Whatever you say, Peri.”

Peridot didn’t respond to that; gradually her breathing slowed and steadied to sleep.

As Lapis closed her eyes, she made herself another promise: that she wouldn’t have anymore nightmares. At least, until after Thanksgiving.


	16. Thanksgiving Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note cus i forgot to mention it last chap: the nickname ‘champagne’ for yellow pearl was invented by the illustrious radioactivesupersonic on tumblr! if you don’t already know them, they’re an incredible artist, theorist, and meta writer for both steven universe and voltron and they’ve got a lot of rly cool original stuff too (not to mention they’re my official celebrity squish, though technically they’re not really a celebrity but the feeling’s the same) SO i highly recommend you check them out. they’re amazing and i love them

Thanksgiving morning dawned chilly and bright gray; by afternoon, the sky had barely changed. Almost all the leaves had fallen by now, leaving the trees nearly-bare. The forecast had said that with luck--whether good luck or bad luck was debatable--they’d be getting the first snowfall of the season before the week was over. Lapis just hoped the snow would wait until they got home safely--driving this big old truck through any precipitation wouldn't be much fun.

“How far away does your mom live?” Lapis asked, leaning back and messing with her seat belt a little.

“It's just another thirty-two minutes,” Peridot replied. Her grip was tight on the steering wheel.

Lapis quirked up a corner of her mouth in sympathy. “How nervous are you?”

“Very,” Peridot squeaked.

“Scale of one to ten?”

“Sixteen.”

“Dang.” Lapis chuckled, then sobered. “Your mom’s not like, evil or something, is she?”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Peridot replied hurriedly, her voice returning almost to its normal pitch. “She just has very high expectations.”

Lapis pursed her lips, not quite convinced. Compliant, though, she held her hand out for Peridot to take. “Don’t worry. We’ll do it together.”

“Yeah,” Peridot said with a determined grin. She clapped her hand into Lapis’s.

“You know what? Let’s turn on some music to get rid of the nervous.” Lapis hit the power button for the radio. “Got a station preference?”

“Uh, something with loud cheesy pop?” Peridot said sheepishly.

Smiling a little wider, Lapis scanned through the stations until she found what they were looking for. Fortuitously, a new song had just barely begun.

_“I can’t help it if I make a scene--”_

Peridot immediately jumped on the lyrics; her voice was unconventional for singing, but darned if it wasn’t fun to listen to. “Steppin’ out of my hot pink limousine--”

The music was almost loud enough, their smiles almost wide enough to drown out their nerves the whole rest of the drive.

At four fifty-four they arrived at the Yellow Diamond’s mansion-- _holy smokes,_ it was a _mansion_. Long driveway, trimmed shrubbery, high roofs, pristine walls, white columns lining the tall porch. Lapis got out of the truck, gaping at just the sheer size of it all. When Peridot had referred to her mother as the toughest, richest, most perfect of them all, somehow Lapis’s imagination hadn't quite computed what all that meant.

“Home sweet home,” Peridot said dryly.

“Can we just all move in here?” Lapis asked.

Peridot pocketed her keys and adjusted her outfit--jacket smooth, slacks creased, bow tie straight. “Okay. How do I look?” she asked.

Lapis smiled and straightened a wayward lock of Peridot’s hair as they started up the porch steps. “You are the literal embodiment of the word ‘adorkable.’”

“But I also look super competent and professional, right?”

“Yes. Totally.”

They were at the door. Peridot nodded once and knocked.

Almost immediately the door opened. Behind it stood a frowning woman wearing a yellow blouse with ruffled sleeves and a stiff black pencil skirt. Her spindly arms were tightly crossed.

“Hey, sis,” Peridot forced out.

“You’re early,” Champagne replied.

 _Huh_ , Lapis mused to herself. _I don’t know why I expected anything different from this person._

“You’re supposed to be here at exactly five. I’ve just barely got the table set,” Champagne continued. “But I suppose since you’re already here, you might as well come sit down.”

Peridot cleared her throat. “Um, Pearl, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend Lapis--”

Champagne narrowed her eyes. “You said you were just her roommate.”

“Oh, um--” Lapis fought back a blush. “Uh, things have kinda changed a lot since that phone call.”

Champagne sighed. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter what I think, just what Mother does.” She turned around, waving a hand over her shoulder. “Follow me.”

She started off down the hallway, heels clipping loudly on the floor. Lapis glanced at Peridot.

“I wish Amethyst was here,” Peridot said without moving.

Lapis took Peridot’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Me, too.”

Together they took a deep breath, and stepped inside after Champagne.

The interior of the mansion was just as impressive as the outside. Glancing around at the gilded walls and marble floor, Lapis whispered, “I feel like I’m on the set of _Li’l Butler_.”

“It gets worse,” Peridot muttered.

“Do you actually have a butler?”

“We used to.” Peridot shrugged. “Nowadays I guess Champagne does all that work. Mother’s company wasn’t doing too well before I got kicked out, so we had to fire pretty much all our house staff.”

As they kept walking, Lapis began to realize that the place really did feel like a TV set--like it wasn’t something people really lived in. It was luxurious and fancy, sure, but at the same time it felt...empty. The walls felt uncomfortably bare, the floor unusually sterile as Peridot’s heels echoed against it.

Finally the long entry hall opened up into a spacious dining room lit by a bright yellow crystal chandelier. The mahogany table in the center was large and square, meticulously set with four places--two on one side, two more on the opposite. Wineglasses, fancy napkins, too many forks--the whole shebang.

Champagne emerged from a door that presumably led to the kitchen, toting a platter of appetizers and chattering as she walked. “Mother’s still in her office working. She’ll be at the table at exactly five o’clock.” She put the platter on the table. “She won’t be happy that you’re early. Stand behind your place and don’t sit down until she does.”

“Which places are ours?” Lapis asked.

Champagne snapped her fingers and pointed to the right side of the table without turning around. She straightened, tapping her toes as she inspected the platter. The food was every bit as fancy as the rest of the scene--bite-sized pieces of toasted french bread arranged in a neat spiral, each slice topped with some sort of expensive-looking cheese spreading and vegetable sprinkling.

“Something’s not right here. Something’s missing,” Champagne said quietly.

Peridot tilted her head a little to peer around Champagne at the appetizers. “Bit of garnish, maybe?”

“Garnish. I’ll be right back.” She trotted back to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “Get in your place! It’s four fifty-nine!”

Lapis and Peridot hurriedly obeyed, the latter’s anxiety spilling over onto the former to make them both equally uncomfortable.

“You really weren’t kidding,” Lapis murmured. “You grew up like this?”

Before Peridot could respond, Champagne was back with a tiny sprig of parsley that she daintily placed in the center of the platter. “There. Perfect. Now it’s just--”

A door in the main hallway opened, and Champagne skittered over to her place across from Lapis.

“Pearl,” said a powerful voice accompanied by the piercing sound of high heels, “when Peridot arrives, make sure she knows I don’t want this affair to take long. I plan to have us all back to work by six-fifteen at the latest.”

The speaker came into view.

The first thing Lapis noticed about the Yellow Diamond--there were many things to notice, but the first thing that struck her--was that she was friggin’ _tall._

Like, Lapis was pretty average in height; Peridot was a definite small fry, and Champagne’s heels and hair made her barely taller than Lapis. But their mother was _tall,_ easily over six feet on her own, and she too had monstrous heels and stiff yellow hair masterfully coiffed to a point. Her slender slacks made her legs look even longer; the sharp shoulders of her yellow blazer made her look like a giant. Or an evil principal. Or a lady dictator. Or a corporate goddess.

“I hope you told her to be here exactly at five,” the Yellow Diamond said, not taking her keenly-painted eyes off the tablet in her hand.

Champagne primly cleared her throat. “She’s already here, Mother.”

The Yellow Diamond looked up. Her eyes narrowed. Lapis suddenly felt very much like she didn’t belong here.

“Hello, Mother,” Peridot said, smiling as wide as she could. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Welcome home.” She spoke passively, almost in a monotone. “And your guest is?”

Lapis squared her shoulders under the Yellow Diamond’s gaze as Peridot gestured to her.

“My girlfriend, Lapis Lazuli Paz.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lapis lifted her hand and then put it back down in an almost-wave, resisting the urge to salute or bow.

The Yellow Diamond slid her tablet into an inside pocket of her jacket. “Good. We can begin.”

She stepped over to the seat beside Champagne, pulled the chair out, and sat. Her daughters and Lapis silently followed suit. Napkins were unfolded and placed on laps; chairs were scooted in a little with the quietest of scrapings on the floor.

The interrogation--sorry, _conversation--_ started right away.

“Peridot,” the Yellow Diamond said pointedly, “how are you?”

Peridot snapped into a more upright posture. “I’ve been doing well, thank you.”

“How are your classes going?”

“My classes are going very well,” Peridot recited. “My grades are consistently at the top and I’m learning a lot of valuable, marketable skills.”

“Good.” The Yellow Diamond took a piece of toast from the platter. Champagne made eye contact with Lapis and nodded, indicating that she was allowed to take some food now, too.

“And what about you, Lapis Lazuli?”

Lapis jumped and almost dropped the food she’d just grabbed

“Um,” she said, straightening, “you can just call me Lapis.”

“Very well, Lapis,” the Yellow Diamond replied. “How are _your_ classes going?”

“Oh. Um.” Lapis cleared her throat. “I mean, they weren’t going so well for the first little while, but then I met Peridot and she’s been helping tutor me and stuff. So now it’s all good.”

Peridot grabbed Lapis’s hand under the table and beamed. “That’s right!”

But the Yellow Diamond didn’t seem impressed.

“I was just talking to Lapis about her studies before you arrived, Mother,” Champagne piped up. “Her major’s very interesting. Remind me what its exact title was?”

Lapis blinked. _What? I wasn’t talking to her about this at all--_

Peridot nudged her foot.

“Uh, art,” Lapis said quickly. “Visual arts. I-I do sculpture and stuff.”

“She’s really good,” said Peridot. “Several of her pieces are currently being featured at the local museum. And even if it ends up not completely working out, I’ve got a great job in engineering, so together we’re pretty well-off financially.”

“Hm.”

There was a brief, awkward silence. Lapis took a sip of water from the glass in front of her.

“Are we done here?” Champagne said suddenly, standing. “I’ll just take these away and bring out the salad. The turkey should be done soon.” She picked up the platter and backed toward the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

The Yellow Diamond didn’t seem to notice Champagne leaving, instead keeping her focus on Peridot. “Well, it seems your situation is adequate for now. Though I repeat that I still think you’d do better in Empire City. There's better jobs, higher-quality universities. Not to mention it's where Jasper Brooks is now, and--”

Lapis choked on her water and coughed into her glass. The Yellow Diamond stopped talking, startled.

“Sorry, sorry!” Lapis said rapidly, lifting the napkin off her lap to mop up the water that had splashed onto the table.

“Is something the matter?” the Yellow Diamond asked coldly.

“No, no, I’m sorry.” Lapis shook her head and pulled her shoulders back. “I just--had something in my throat. Sorry.”

Under the table Peridot’s hand caught hers again and squeezed it tight.

The Yellow Diamond’s frown deepened for the briefest moment, but then she relented to return to what she had been saying. “Or, better yet, you could come back and work for me.” She leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table and folding her hands. “If you’re willing to do as well as you apparently have been doing, there’s a place for you here.”

“W-what?”

“You heard me.”

Again Champagne returned, this time laying plates of salad at each place. Again her mother ignored her.

“I’m inviting you back home,” the Yellow Diamond said. “Just like you wanted.”

Peridot blinked her wide eyes. “Oh.”

Lapis looked at Peridot, her heart suddenly wobbling. Words flashed in her head from a conversation not too long ago-- _what if she goes back to her mom and stays there? Stops living with us? Or what if her mom doesn’t like us and I never get to see her at all again?_

She forced herself to stay still as she remembered her own response to Amethyst’s worry.

_If that’s what Peridot wants, we shouldn’t try to stop her._

“Well, I, um--I’m actually really happy where I am now,” Peridot said hesitantly. “I like my apartment, I like my job--”

“What _is_ your job, exactly?”

“It’s...in engineering. It’s high-paying.”

“Don’t try to be evasive.”

_Uh-oh, back to nervous--_

“I-I’m a mechanic,” Peridot said. “I work in auto repair.”

Champagne grimaced.

“And you’re happy with that,” the Yellow Diamond said skeptically.

“Yes, I am!” Peridot replied quickly.

“ _Don’t_ use that tone with me.”

She shrank. “I’m sorry. But--it’s true. I like my life.”

“And is that more important than being near your family?”

Double uh-oh. Lapis racked her brain for some way to help while Peridot stammered. “W-well--I, um, it’s--”

Just before things could get even more unbearably tense, the Yellow Diamond’s phone rang.

The table froze.

Lapis and Peridot watched in silence as the Yellow Diamond fished her phone out of her pocket to look at the caller ID and clucked her tongue in distaste. “Old friend. Excuse me, I need to take this.”

She stood and pushed her chair in, answering her phone as she moved.

“I’m in the middle of dinner. What do you want?”

The kitchen door closed, cutting off her voice.

As soon as her mother was out of earshot, Champagne squawked, “How and why on Earth did you just say ‘no’ to her?”

“I just said why,” Peridot replied defensively. “I don’t want to move back. I’m happy where I am.”

“You don’t have a clue what’s going on, do you?” Champagne hissed, grip tight on her fork.

“What’s going on is that your mom cares more about her friend than her daughters,” Lapis deadpanned.

Champagne jabbed a finger at Lapis. “Stay out of this!” She turned back to Peridot. “She’s only reduced to asking for your help because it’s her last option. The company has only sunk deeper since you left. International assets have collapsed, employees have had to be laid off. We’ve all been working to the bone. Mother hasn’t slept in days.”

Lapis glanced at the kitchen door as the Yellow Diamond’s voice rose a little behind it.

“We _need_ your help,” Champagne continued. “You don’t have to be some--blue-collar assistant struggling to pay bills. Just tell Mother you’ll come back home and work for her and none of us will have to worry anymore.”

“I’m not worried. My life is going great! If Mother’s company is failing, that’s _her_ problem.”

“It’s your problem because it’s your family! Not to mention it’s literally the only reason you’re even here!”

Peridot pulled her shoulders back--away from her sister. “Wait. That’s the whole reason I was invited here?”

Before Champagne could respond, the kitchen door opened and the Yellow Diamond stepped out, gaze distracted and phone still in hand.

“You didn’t have any intention of approving of my life now, did you?” Peridot accused her mother. “And you didn’t just want to see me, either. You just wanted to rope me back into your business.”

The Yellow Diamond rolled her eyes and pocketed her phone. “Spare me your melodrama, Peridot. We haven’t even brought out the turkey yet.”

“Don’t pretend you care about turkey!” Peridot suddenly yelled, standing. “All you care about is your money!”

“Don’t take it personally,” the Yellow Diamond said, words short and sharp. “It’s just business.”

“W-well, why is business more important than family?”

“Sit down and we’ll discuss this after dinner.”

“No!”

Champagne covered her mouth with both hands.

Lapis bit her tongue.

The Yellow Diamond lowered her head a little to look directly at Peridot, the movement somehow making her seem to loom even taller.

“You are out of line,” she intoned.

“I-I just--” Peridot stammered, before regaining her courage. “I thought you really wanted me to be your daughter again, but you never wanted daughters in the first place! You just wanted exploitable employees!”

“This business and this family are one and the same,” the Yellow Diamond shot back. “You want to be part of one, then you’d better be doing your part in the other. And _you_ have been consistently failing at both. Now I am offering you a chance to redeem yourself and, given the occasion, you ought to be thankful!”

“This isn’t--

“And if you’re not going to accept my invitation with gratitude, then you would do well to--”

“I--”

“ _Shut your mouth!”_

Peridot shut her mouth.

The Yellow Diamond finished her command in a voice much lower but no less powerful: “And get out. Or you can come back to where you belong.”

Lapis dug her fingers into the underside of her chair to stop herself from jumping violently to Peridot’s defense.

This was Peridot’s home. Peridot’s family. Peridot’s confrontation. Peridot’s stand to make.

And make it she did.

“This isn’t where I belong,” Peridot said. “This isn’t where _she_ belongs,” she added, gesturing to Champagne, “and this isn’t how a family is supposed to be!”

The Yellow Diamond almost snarled. “What do you know about family?”

“Apparently, more than _you!”_

Peridot slammed her hands onto the table, making plates and cups rattle. Champagne squeaked, and Lapis’s fingers clenched painfully tighter. The Yellow Diamond was silent.

“Come on, Lapis,” Peridot said, turning around to leave.

Lapis stood, more on reflex than anything else, and glanced at Peridot already striding down the hall. She bit her lip, feeling like she should give some sort of ultimatum of her own before leaving.

“Um--” Lapis lifted her chin. “You suck, ma’am.”

She ran after Peridot without waiting for the Yellow Diamond’s reaction.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” Lapis said in awe when she caught up to Peridot at the door.

“I can’t believe I just did that,” Peridot echoed in a croak.

Lapis let out a breathless laugh as they skipped together down the porch stairs and toward the truck. “I can’t believe we jus--”

“Peridot!”

They both turned to see Champagne running toward them. Peridot balled her fists and stood her ground. “Pearl, I’m not--”

Champagne leapt forward and flung her arms around her sister in a mighty hug.

“Stay safe, you clod!” she cried.

Peridot stumbled back a step with the force of the embrace. Then, after a shocked second, she hugged back.

“You too, double clod.”

Champagne let out a choked sob. “Mother sent me out to tell you you’re not invited back. Ever.” She sniffed. “This is goodbye.”

“You can leave her too,” Peridot squeaked.

“I’m not as brave as you are.” Champagne shook her head. She was visibly trembling, and not just with tears, as she pulled away and held Peridot at arm’s length. “Drive carefully. Wear your seatbelt. Don’t forget to eat. Get eight hours of sleep every night--”

“Stay in school, drink your milk, don’t do drugs,” Peridot recited. “Quit nagging me.”

Champagne sobbed again, but this time it was mixed with a laugh. Then she turned and poked Lapis in the chest. “You’d better take care of her or _I will find you._ ”

Lapis saluted. “Roger.”

 _“Pearl, the door!”_ the Yellow Diamond called from inside.

“Yes, ma’am!” Champagne hollered over her shoulder. She took Peridot's hand and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. “I love you.”

“Love you too, sis,” Peridot whispered.

Champagne stepped back, letting go of Peridot's hand. She straightened, wiped her eyes, and adjusted her clothes; when she spoke again, there was no trace of feeling in her whole demeanor save for her still-shaking hands.

“How do I look?”

“Cold-hearted and emotionless as ever,” Peridot replied. “How do you do it?”

Champagne smirked. “Years of practice.”

With that, she turned around and ran back into the house, closing the door behind her.

Peridot turned around too, and got into the passenger seat of her truck without a word. Lapis crossed around to the driver’s side, conceding that Peridot probably shouldn’t be driving after such an emotionally heavy incident. They buckled up and started down the road in silence.

Finally, Lapis decided to try to lighten the mood with, “So...is being able to run in heels a hereditary thing or what?”

Peridot snorted. Then she started to laugh.

And then she started to cry.

***

Lapis drove until they were far enough away from the mansion to have reached a gas station. She pulled into a parking space, took the key out of the ignition, and came over to sit with Peridot on the passenger side. Peridot curled up in her lap and cried into the bodice of her dress.

“I can’t believe I did that,” Peridot whimpered between gasps and hiccups. “I can’t--I can’t believe I did that, I can’t...I can’t go back…”

Lapis didn’t say anything. Just held her close.

“I can’t go back, I can’t ever go back.” Peridot sniffed and took off her glasses to wipe away tears underneath. “I can never go back home.”

“I know,” Lapis said softly, rubbing Peridot’s shoulder. “I know. It’s gonna be okay.”

They stayed like that for a while, until Peridot’s sobs seemed to dry up. She put her glasses back on and sat up, a few leftover streaks still on her cheeks.

“No. I can’t go back to that place. But it’s not my home anymore.” Peridot inhaled, then exhaled, blowing out the rest of her sadness with the breath. “I have something different now.” She nodded. “You guys.”

Lapis’s forehead creased. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Peridot smiled. She leaned forward to wrap her arms around Lapis, and Lapis fondly returned the hug.

“I’ve been thinking,” Lapis said after a warm, quiet moment. “And, the guy who wants to buy the sculpture with your record player...I can tell him no. You said I could give it back to you after the show.”

“No. Sell it.” There was nothing but certainty in Peridot’s voice. “I don't want to see anything I got from that place again.”

Lapis grinned against Peridot’s neck. “Then can I buy you a new record player?”

“Maybe.”

“Done.” She squeezed Peridot's shoulders a little tighter. “I'm really proud of you, babe. For standing up for yourself.”

“Really?”

“Mm-hm. But--” She pulled away. “I kinda wish you'd waited until after dinner. I'm a little starving.”

Peridot stared for a second. Then she sputtered into a guffaw.

“I'm sorry!” Peridot laughed. “Erm, maybe we can just get some food from this gas station.”

Lapis was laughing too. “Wouldn't that be a great Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Lapis! Care for a slushie and some beef jerky?”

“No, turkey jerky. We gotta have turkey jerky.”

“Turkey jerky and a cranberry slushie and potato chips and maybe a pumpkin protein bar--”

“Aw, man, that sounds like the worst Thanksgiving ever.”

“I bet Amethyst wouldn't complain.”

“Actually, how about that? I have a better idea than a gas station feast.” Lapis grabbed the keys and slid back into the driver's seat. “Think the Universe house has room for two more?”


	17. Thanksgiving Dinner II

The difference between the dinner they’d just left and the one they were now arriving at was, quite frankly, hilarious.

The house was comparatively tiny. There were cars filling the driveway and lining the curb. Lapis recognized Amethyst’s bug and Garnet’s Hummer right away; there was even a motorcycle she guessed must belong to Pearl’s fiancee. And the noise--they could hear the bustle inside almost from a few houses down.

Lapis found a place to park the truck, and Peridot excitedly pulled her to the house. They knocked on the door together until it was opened by Steven, who greeted them with a big gasp, a big smile, and a big hug. At his shout of announcement, Amethyst came running, and jumped on both her girlfriends with kisses.

“What are you doing here? Is your thing over already?” Amethyst asked. “Did everything go okay with your mom?”

“It went awful!” Peridot replied with a grin. “She kicked me out for good this time!”

Lapis nodded enthusiastically. “Peridot totally yelled at her. Before we even got to eat, like, anything.”

“What?”

“But it’s okay,” Peridot smiled. “Or at least, it will be.”

Amethyst laughed. “Well, then, c’mon in, come in,” she beckoned.

“You’re just in time for pie!” said Steven.

Amethyst laughed and ruffled her brother’s hair. “And there’s leftover dinner stuff if you want.”

Lapis raised her hand. “I vote pie first.”

The house was small, but spacious, without many walls dividing the rooms; only couches and carpet separated the dining room from the living room, and just a waist-high countertop from the kitchen. Two plastic folding tables had been pushed together in the center of the space to accommodate the many people sitting there. Lapis recognized a few of them, and saw family resemblance in a few more. Introductions and greetings flew by from Steven and Amethyst, barely giving Lapis time to assign each name to a face.

“Y’all already know Greg and Pearl and Garnet--”

“Heya!”

“Oh, hello!”

“My best friend Connie and her mom and dad, Uncle Andy, Cousin Stevonnie--”

“--Smoky, Sheena, Aunt Deb and Aunt Trish--”

“--Ruby and Sapphire, they’re Garnet’s moms--”

“Hey!” “Hi!” “Good to meetcha!” “Hiya!”

“Alright, we don’t wanna overwhelm them,” Greg said, waving his hand for quiet. He was standing to serve up the pumpkin pie, each plate being passed down the table to whoever wanted it. “We can introduce ourselves individually later.”

Amethyst tugged Lapis and Peridot to a little bench at the end of the table, and Greg put a plate of pie in front of each of them. Steven sat close by, eagerly kicking his legs as he ate.

“Ok, I want full deets on what just happened,” Amethyst said.

Peridot excitedly launched into the tale, adding a fair amount of embellishment to make it more interesting. Their audience--which gradually grew to include everyone at the table--listened perfectly, gasping and laughing and cheering at the end.

Lapis held Amethyst’s hand and smiled at Steven, content just to be there.

***

After every stomach was full, the family migrated into the living room to chat and maybe watch a movie. Lapis lingered behind with Greg and Uncle Andy--who was apparently not even an uncle at all, but a cousin--to help clean up.

“We’ve got this taken care of, Lapis, you can go join the others,” Greg tried.

“No, no, it's okay.” Lapis stacked a few plates on her arm. “I'm--I like helping.”

“See, there's someone who knows the value of cleaning up,” Andy said, shifting the tower of cups he was holding to a more stable position. “Your kid’s got good taste, Greg. She seems like a keeper. Not sure if I can say the same for the other one…”

Lapis raised an eyebrow. “The other kid or the other keeper?”

“Oh, no, Steven’s all good.” He pointed a thumb at the living room. “Blondie doesn’t like me all too much, though.”

Peridot’s head popped up over the back of the couch. “Are you talking about me?”

“Yeah, we're talking about the full-on war we had over my guest room few months back!” Andy replied heatedly.

“It is not  _ your  _ guest room!” Peridot insisted over a soft chorus of snickers around her. “I had full permission from Amethyst, Steven, and Greg to be sleeping there!”

“Yeah, well I’m the one who usually sleeps there, and you didn’t have permission from me!”

“Alright, you two, we don’t want to start that war up again,” Greg joked, diffusing the tension. He turned back to Lapis. “D’you want me to take those? We’re just gonna take them into the kitchen and wash ‘em up--”

“Oh, I can help wash,” Lapis offered.

Greg smiled a little wider, eyebrows arching. “Really, Lapis, you don’t have to do that.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just--sorry.” Her voice dropped sheepishly. “Too many people.”

“Ahh, right.” Greg stepped back. “Hey, don’t worry about it. Take all the space you need.”

Lapis nodded thankfully and turned to follow Andy into the kitchen. Putting a little more distance between herself and the noise made it a little easier to focus.

The dishes were dropped onto one side of the sink, and a pair of towels was laid out on the other side. Andy turned on the faucet and ran a plate under the stream of water.

“I can understand gettin’ a little stressed out by this big family,” Andy said, grabbing the dish soap. “Loud family. Crazy family. Love ‘em to death, but can’t stand them half the time.”

He handed the plate to Lapis to dry. She silently took it and picked up a towel.

“Guess it all just comes down to getting used to everything, you know? I mean, I’ve only been back in contact with Greg for a couple years now.” He passed her another clean plate. “Before that there was decades where we didn’t even hear from each other. Then all of a sudden I see him again and ‘Hey, Andy, you’ve got a niece and nephew now! Surprise!’”

Lapis chuckled.

“And that wasn’t even the only big surprise they had for me,” he continued. “‘Hey, your niece isn’t even blood related to you at all!’ I say, you know what? Long as the adoption’s legal, she’s your family, she’s my family.” 

Another plate to Lapis, and then he started washing a glass. 

“Then I hear stuff like ‘hey, your nephew’s not actually in school, they just teach him at home. Hey, your niece is dating girls now. Hey, your niece’s dating two girls now.’ I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with any of that, I guess. If the family’s happy, I’m happy.” He shrugged, tossing her a sideways glance that was probably meant to be apologetic. “Like I said, it just takes some getting used to. I wasn’t really alright with it at first--actually, I was pretty darn stubborn about it at first. But I had to learn that times change. People change. So eventually I decided I’d better change, too.”

Lapis felt like she should have something to say to that, but couldn’t think of anything. So she just nodded and continued drying dishes in silence.

It was kind of funny. Andy and Peridot didn’t really strike her as similar in any way, but what he was saying now was almost the same as what she had said at the hotel a couple weeks ago. People can change if they need to, if the situation needs them to, if they’re given a chance to. Sometimes the change is intentional, sometimes it takes work, sometimes it just happens. Sometimes people  _ won’t  _ change--but that doesn’t mean they can’t.

The Yellow Diamond didn’t change, and maybe she never would. But Peridot did. Andy did.

_ If people can change...why not me? _

Maybe she really could. Maybe she could make herself be a better person. Maybe she could be a better girlfriend to Amethyst and Peridot than she was to Jasper--she  _ really  _ be good, not just pretending for a few weeks and then falling back into that old cycle.

But then, against her will, her mind reminded her why that old cycle kept on cycling. She remembered the rush of energy she got from having control over someone else, the surge of catharsis from taking out all her frustrations on that someone. The power, the pride, the relief, the release, the need to keep that someone under her thumb--

As much as it scared her, part of her didn’t want to give that up. Maybe that was the scariest part of it all.

“Hey, you still on Earth?”

Lapis blinked and realized she’d been spacing out. Andy was holding a pair of dripping forks in front of her face.

“Sorry.” She took the forks. “Just thinking about what you were saying.”

“I didn’t realize it was that deep.”

Another dish clean, another dish dry. Lapis bit the inside of her lip and said, “It’s just--change is hard.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to tell me,” Andy responded softly. 

She squeezed the towel in her hand. “Too hard, maybe.”

“Well, sure, anything’s too hard when you have that kind of attitude about it.” He smirked a little. “But look at me, huh? I think I’ve grown up more since meeting Ams and Steven than in my whole life before then. I’ve fixed my entire worldview for this family. You do what you gotta do for the people you love.”

Her grip loosened. A little more slowly, her thoughts started to loosen, too.

“Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

A few minutes passed without either of them saying anything more. Lapis listened a little bit to the din of the living room; it was too much of a mess of sound for her to pick out any specific words, but she could identify plenty of laughter. Peridot, Amethyst, Steven. Other people were laughing, sure, but--well. She didn’t really care about them as much.

Maybe eventually she’d get to know the rest of the people here enough to care about them. After all, Peridot and Amethyst and Steven were the closest thing she had to family now--their family was hers.

That was  _ definitely  _ something that would take some getting used to.

But she could do it. For the people she loved.

Andy handed her a final glass. “Last one.”

She took it, dried it, stacked it. Stepped back to admire their teamwork and smiled--the dishes were positively sparkling.

“Yknow, you don’t really talk much,” Andy observed.

“Don’t really have much to say,” Lapis replied.

“Well, you’re good at drying dishes, I’ll give you that.” He raised his voice to be heard from the living room. “Hey, Amethyst.”

Amethyst glanced over the back of the couch.

“You make sure to hold onto this one,” Andy said, nudging a suddenly blushing Lapis with his elbow.

“Wouldn’t dream of lettin’ her go,” Amethyst replied with a wide grin.

“Oh my gosh--” Lapis covered her face with her hands. “You are so cheesy.”

“Ooooh, Amethyst lo-oves Lap-is!” Steven sang.

Peridot’s hand shot into the air. “Peridot loves Lapis as well!”

“Ooh, Ruby loves Sapphire!”

“Sapphire loves Ruby, too.”

“Oh, are we just shouting these out now? Sheena loves Pearl--”

“Honey!”

“Connie loves Steven!”

“Dad! I do not! I mean--I do, but not--”

“It’s okay because Steven loves Connie back!”

“And Smoky loves food!”

At that, the whole house laughed. Lapis just snorted, her face still buried in her hands. She wouldn’t admit it afterward, but she ended up laughing and smiling much longer than anyone else did.

***

When people started going home, the night itself seemed late, but nobody felt like they had been there long enough. The only signal they had that it was time to go was when Connie fell asleep on Steven’s shoulder, and her father had to carry her out to the car. After that, it wasn’t long before the rest of the friends and family had trickled out as well.

Not everyone went home, though. Andy was staying the whole weekend before flying back to his home in Georgia, and Steven wasn’t quite done hanging out with his sister. So while the grown-up took the guest room, the kids set up blankets and pillows in the living room like a slumber party.

“Though technically Steven’s the only one who should be counted as a kid,” Lapis pointed out, stretching a bedsheet between two stepstools to be the roof of their fort. So far the structure was mainly walls--blankets hanging there, more sheets hanging here--with a floor of cushions underneath, where the girls would be sleeping while Steven took the couch. They'd found blankets of almost every color, and now arranged them neatly according to everyone’s favorites--pink up top; purple, green, blue lined up below. “I mean, we’re really adults.”

Amethyst stacked a few couch cushions--a sturdy pillar for their majestic castle. “I’m not gonna count myself as an adult until I’m actually competent at adulting. That’s not gonna be til I’m, like...ever.”

“I guess if you’re still a kid, then, you still have to listen to your dad when he says it’s bedtime,” said Greg as he entered, arms full with a quilt that he wrapped around Steven. “Put this groovy fort to good use and get some rest, alright?”

“Alllll riiiiight,” Amethyst sighed, mimicking the tone of a reluctant teen. She dropped another pillow beside Peridot, who was already tucked in tight in a cocoon of lime green blankets and ready to snooze, and flopped down onto it. “Nighty-night.”

Greg ruffled his kids’ hair, evoking soft chuckles. “G’night, everyone.”

He clicked off the light on his way out. His door closed, and silence fell. 

Tranquil moonlight fell through the window, perfectly accenting the quiet. Lapis settled down on the other side of Peridot and pulled a blanket around her shoulders like a cape.

“How do you even measure being competent at adulting?” Steven asked out of the blue.

Amethyst clicked her tongue. “It’s like--having a job and paying bills on time and doing your own chores and making medical decisions and stuff.”

“Then I guess Peridot’s the only actual adult here,” said Lapis.

“I got kicked out and lived in a pickup truck for three months,” Peridot deadpanned. “That doesn’t exactly show competent adulting.”

“Man. I sometimes forget you were homeless for a while,” Lapis said. “It just feels like you’ve always lived with us.”

“I wish.”

Amethyst turned her head, her hair swishing over the pillow. “Hey.”

Peridot looked up.

“Are you really okay?” Amethyst asked. “About your mom?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Okay, you’re either being sarcastic or straight-up lying,” Amethyst smiled. She shifted and propped herself up on her elbows. “It’s hard to tell with you sometimes.”

“She doesn’t care about me, so I don’t care about her.”

“What about your sister?”

This answer came slower.

“I’m fine there, too.”

Lapis bit the inside of her cheek, vividly remembering Champagne’s farewell and Peridot’s sobs afterward. Part of her wanted to bring it up, make Peridot face her emotions, but the rest of her knew that now was the time to leave it be.

Evidently, Steven knew that, too. “Well, I care about you.”

“Yeah,” Amethyst affirmed. “We all do.”

“I care about you, too.” Peridot sighed. “Can I make a confession?”

She didn't wait for a response--really, she didn't have to--before she said, “I think I knew the whole time how dinner with Mother was going to turn out. I thought I was just being scared, but I really should've known she didn't actually just want to see me.”

“I was scared you guys wouldn’t want to see me,” said Steven.

Amethyst sat up quickly to face her brother. “What? That’s crazy.”

“We love seeing you, Steven,” said Lapis.

“I know. It is crazy.” He chuckled a little, and Lapis couldn’t see him but she could picture his expression--mostly smiling, but with eyebrows arched and eyes sad. “I just felt like...maybe I was bothering you when I was around? Or maybe you didn’t need me anymore, now that you’re all grown up and together and everything. Even though I know in my brain it’s not true, I was still scared.”

“That’s what anxiety does to you,” Peridot said, shrugging.

“Yeah. I guess I’m just really glad that you are here.”

“Man, you get sappy when you’re tired,” Amethyst chuckled as she lay back down. “Actually, you’re just sappy all the time.”

Steven laughed, sincerely this time.

“You know what I’m scared about?” Amethyst admitted after a moment. “I’m scared about the tournament next month. I got all behind on a bunch of my training because of my broken hand and everything. And even if I, like, crack the whip from now ‘til then and get totally back on track, I’m still gonna have to go up against--”

She cut herself off.

“Jasper,” Lapis finished.

Her stomach didn’t jump as much this time as when the Yellow Diamond had said it, but the name still tasted sour in her mouth.

“Yeah.”

Peridot extricated her arms from her cocoon to grab Lapis and Amethyst’s hands, her little fingers intertwining through theirs in silent protection.

“She beat me once, she’ll beat me again,” Amethyst said. “And I’ve gotten so behind Coach says if I can’t pick it up and do well in the tournament I could be bumped off the team, and my wrestling scholarship’s, like, the only reason I can even go to this school, so if I lose, I lose big.”

“You’re not gonna lose,” Steven said.

“I might. I probably will.”

“You won't if you play dirty,” Lapis blurted.

All eyes were suddenly on her.

Lapis glanced around and cleared her throat. “I mean, I don't know all the rules in wrestling. But if you want some secrets to help you beat her I know that she's left-handed, and really ticklish around the neck, and a quick thinker but she gets really thrown off her guard when she's surprised or mad so if you get an advantage early on you'll probably keep it the whole time--”

“Whoa, hold on, I feel like I should be taking notes,” Amethyst smiled. 

“I could grab a pen and paper from the kitchen,” Steven offered.

“Maybe we should save the tips and tricks for the morning,” said Peridot, the last word stretched by a yawn. “I mean, this is high-quality information--”

“You  _ bet  _ it’s quality information--”

“You’re right. We should probably be getting to sleep.” Lapis rolled onto her side, toward Peridot, and drew their still-locked hands up to her chin. 

“Alrighty, sleep sounds like a good enough idea to me.”

“I’m full of good ideas.”

Peridot’s hand was a good anchor--real and warm and solid and tight enough to keep the surfacing memories from taking over. And when she stretched her other arm over Peridot’s waist to hold Amethyst’s hand as well, it was double the comfort.

_ Haha. Take that, past. I’m not gonna let you get me anymore. _

“Do you have a scared confession, Lapis?” Steven asked.

Lapis smirked.

“Nope.”

“Aw, c’mon, party pooper,” Amethyst teased. “At least tell us you’re scared of spiders or something.”

“Nah, spiders are cool.”

“Well, you gotta have  _ some  _ sort of confession.”

Lapis exhaled. She could say she was scared of something. She could say she was scared of herself, scared that she was gonna turn out to be a bad person after all. Scared that she could end up treating Amethyst and Peridot just as bad as she treated Jasper.

But right here, right now? Lying on the floor of a cozy little house, under the roof of a lazy blanket fort, wrapped in borrowed blankets, surrounded by the three people she cared about most in this world?

She wasn’t scared of anything.

“I guess I can confess one thing, since I didn’t get a chance to say it while everyone was doing it,” Lapis said. “And that’s...I love you guys.”

Steven and Peridot both gasped.

“You said the L word,” Steven whispered.

“What is this, a romcom?” Amethyst chuckled. “We love you too, Lappy. We all already knew this.”

“I mean it. I really love you.” Lapis moved her head a little to look up at Steven. “I love this guy. He’s the sweetest coolest guy I know.”

“Aww, Lapis…”

She rolled a bit to tuck her nose under Peridot’s ear. “But I really, really love you two.”

“Amethyst, did you hear that,” Peridot breathed.

“You guys are  _ all  _ saps. Get over here so I can kiss you into shutting up.”

They didn’t really have to say anything more, for the few minutes that passed before they fell asleep. Steven complained that they shouldn’t kiss so much while he was still right there, and Peridot lamented Andy’s claim on the guest room, and Steven declared that he was actually legitimately going to sleep for reals this time so no more noise until morning--beyond that, no words needed.

Of all the holidays of the calendar, Lapis was usually quick to say that Thanksgiving was her least favorite. But today was easily the best holiday she’d had in a very long time.   
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 things!  
> 1\. this chapter is dedicated to the exceptional yeenaaldlooshii, who made these [incredible](http://yeenaaldlooshii.tumblr.com/post/162678975786/i-wanted-to-do-quick-shitty-doodles-and-i-also) [fanarts](http://yeenaaldlooshii.tumblr.com/post/159575668236/so-thelilliellama-is-writing-this-glorious) that are a source of much joy for me check em out they're amazing  
> 2\. this chapter took forever becaaauuse im starting college next month!! and for various reasons, despite my best efforts, ive so far been unable to get finances together to take care of all the jazz and that has me royally stressed out which is not good for writing lol so! If u wanna help the next chapter come out faster all my links are on my [tumblr](https://thelilliellama.tumblr.com), pls check that out it would mean so much to me!!  
> 3\. u may have noticed there is now a set number of chapters left in this, ive completed pretty much all the planning i need to finish this story up and it’s gonna be great yall im really excited. thank you so much for taking this journey with me so far, if you haven’t already make sure to check out the other things in this collection/au which were written by some of my dear friends, aaand once this is over stay tuned because i have a prequel and a sequel to this story in the planning right now! and im really excited about those! so thank you for coming, thank you for staying, and keep on stickin around because there’s cool jazz upcoming. love you!!! <3


	18. Snow Day

On Black Friday they went shopping together--more for the experience than for the actual deals or anything. They made it through with minimal injuries (though not without a few fights) and actually did manage to score a few deals--Amethyst got a new blender (too much egg salad had gunked up the old one), Peridot got some new shirts and shoes (at least two of which contributing to fights with blonde-bobbed soccer moms who looked too old to be wearing those kinds of shoes anyway), and Lapis got several very nice multicolored fidget spinners (two for Steven, three for Peridot, and the rest for herself for a new project she’d just gotten inspired for).

Lapis had read somewhere on the internet that you shouldn’t commit to someone until you’ve seen them in slow traffic or building something from Ikea or playing a hard video game or stuff like that. Shopping right in the thick of Black Friday seemed to fit in that category. But, she realized, it didn’t really matter that much in her case--she already knew pretty darn well the people she’d fallen in love with.

Later, they did most of their actual holiday shopping online, on their own. Lapis took special care to pick out the perfect record player for Peridot, to be the perfect surprise gift.

After that, the next few weeks passed in what felt like one long Eye of the Tiger montage. The tournament would be at the end of December, so Amethyst was training hard all the way up to it. Almost every evening was spent at the gym now, and Lapis and Peridot joined her there as much as they could.

When finals week rolled around, the focus of the montage briefly shifted from physical to mental working out. Peridot, of course, aced her tests with flying colors; with her help, Lapis and Amethyst managed to pass all of theirs as well.

With the holiday rush, though, soon it became necessary for Lapis to be working extra shifts at McDonald's. And though it still didn’t snow--the meteorologist had been wrong, unsurprisingly--cold and ice meant Earl’s Auto Repair was in more demand as well, so Peridot was often at work too. Sure, they could sneak all the texts they wanted when they got the chance, but it wasn’t long until the only time all three of them could be together was when they were too tired to do anything but fall asleep.

Finally, three days before the match, Lapis managed to convince a coworker to trade shifts with her so she was free for the evening. Immediately she made a beeline for the nearest bus stop, managing to shove out a text to their little group chat--unanimously titled “the best babes”, followed by several blue, green, and purple heart emojis--as she ran.

_ I'm off work for a few hours and want to see you guys! Where do u wanna meet? _

_ im chillin athe gym on west ave if yall wanna crash th place n gimme affecsion,  _ Amethyst replied quickly.

_ I ALWAYS WANT TO GIVE YOU AFFECTION _

Lapis grinned at Peridot's text as the bus arrived at the stop.

_ IM STILL AT THE SHOP AND I THINK PEARL WOULD GET ANNOYED IF I ASKED TO LEAVE EARLY TO HANG OUT WITH YOU AGAIN,  _ came another text from Peridot.  _ BUT WHO CARES WHAT SHE THINKS HAHAHA!! _

_ lolll i think i wuld care tho if u got in trouble. plus shed probs hound me bout it later,  _ Amethyst countered.

The bus started forward, and Lapis sat down in the closest empty seat, still focused on her phone.  _ I'm heading towards west ave right now, I think Earl's is on the way. Want me to stop by there or should we just all meet at the gym? _

_ WHICH ONE WILL HAVE US ALL TOGETHER QUICKEST _

_ prolly the 1 w less stoppin _

_ I TOLD PEARL SHE COULDNT STOP ME FROM LEAVING AND ALSO THAT ID DO EXTRA HOURS AFTER THE TOURNAMENT’S OVER TO MAKE UP FOR IT _

_ haha alright cool _

_ Sounds good to me lol,  _ Lapis smirked.

_ oh also,  _ Amethyst said _ ,  _ the words in two different texts, _ garnets here w steven n sum of her fam so u can say hi 2 them too _

_ Alright! See you all at the gym, then! _

_ AWESOME SEE YOU SOON I LOVE YOU _

Lapis’s grin widened. She sent a row of various heart emojis, to which Peridot replied with even more of the same, to which Amethyst sent even more.

The bus stopped just before the gym. Lapis shoved her phone in her back pocket and did her best to resist running the rest of the way.

Garnet was the easiest to spot inside the gym--tall and bold and still wearing her shades indoors, for some reason. Steven was on the floor next to her doing some warmup stretches, and on her other side were two people Lapis didn’t recognize. But, of course, she was most interested in the sight of Amethyst and Peridot, sitting on the weightlifting benches right by them.

“Hi, Lapis!” Steven called, waving at her as she drew near.

Lapis smiled. “Hey, guys. Am I the last one here?”

“Eh, don’t worry.” Amethyst lowered her weights and leaned up to give Lapis a quick kiss; Peridot seemed much more focused on keeping her weights up, and puckered her lips and jerked her head to instruct Lapis to come kiss her. “Per’s only been here, like, ten seconds.”

“Still, we were waiting for you to show up,” Garnet said. She pointed her thumb at the girls at her side--one was a few years older than Lapis and looked mostly like Garnet with a longer nose, no sunglasses, and much less obvious confidence; the other was a kid probably twelve or thirteen, with bangs mostly covering her eyes and a contentedly curious expression. “Don’t think you two’ve met my little sisters, Rhodie and Pad.”

“Stop calling me little, I’m still taller than you,” Rhodie scolded, though she seemed to only be taller on her tiptoes. Pad was little, though, the sticky-uppy bits of her messy hair putting her at about the same height as Steven.

Peridot laboriously dropped her dumbbell. “Why weren’t you at Thanksgiving with the rest of the family?”

“Psh, you think I just follow my parents around wherever?” Rhodie leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms. “I have my own things going on.”

Garnet draped an arm over Rhodie’s shoulders. “Pad’s not good with parties, so Rhodie offered to babysit.”

“We had a little party of our own at home,” Rhodie defended. “Gran was there and I invited a couple friends over, and we had a lot of food and it was great. It was fun.”

“It’s okay, Rhodie. You don’t have to pretend to be cool for us,” Steven assured, standing. “Hey, Pad, wanna go on the treadmills with me?”

“Thanks, Steven,” Rhodie murmured. Garnet snickered, and Rhodie lightly shoved her arm before turning to her other sister. “What do you say, Padparadscha? Should we go over there?”

Pad gasped a little. “Ooh, treadmills sound fun!”

“We’ll leave you three alone, then,” Garnet said, pointing a finger gun at Amethyst. 

Amethyst saluted in response. “See ya.”

“See you, Amethyst! Love you!” Steven called.

Amethyst laughed and shook her head as Steven and Pad ran to the other side of the gym. Garnet and Rhodie followed them a little more slowly, the former with her arm still around the latter.

Peridot pouted. “Does  _ everyone  _ have a good relationship with their siblings except me?”

“Aw, lighten up, P,” Amethyst said, glancing over at Peridot. “Garnet and Steven are just overly perfect.”

“What’s the matter?” Lapis asked.

Peridot huffed. “I’ve been trying to call Pe--Champagne a few times since our little ‘incident.’ The first time she just ignored me, the second time she sent me a text saying I was gonna get us both in trouble. Then she said maybe we could talk later, but then didn’t respond to anything for two weeks.”

Amethyst frowned. “C’mon. She’s gotta call you back sometime.”

“You know she still loves you,” Lapis affirmed.

“Of course she does! I’m very lovable! I just--” Peridot sighed. “I just wish she’d be brave enough to show it a little more. To show it at all, besides giving me a hug and a kiss and a list of advice before saying goodbye forever.”

Lapis bit the inside of her cheek, struggling to think of a response to boost Peridot’s mood. Before she could, though, she spied Rhodie coming over to them, a question visible on her lips. Lapis tapped Amethyst’s leg to get her attention; Amethyst put down her weights and sat up a little.

“Can I ask you guys something?” Rhodie asked, leaning against the weight rack.

“Ask away.”

“So, say, hypothetically, if someone who’s definitely not me who has a crush on two different people, but those two people are joined at the hip,” Rhodie proposed, “how would that work?”

“Like how this gal got a crush on both of us two?” Amethyst asked, pointing first at Lapis and then at herself and Peridot.

Rhodie quirked down one side of her lips. “Kind of, except they’re twin sisters and I meant literally joined at the hip. Conjoined twins.”

“Hold on a minute,” Garnet said, suddenly approaching. “Don’t tell me you were going to these three for advice before letting me know you’ve got a crush on the Rutile girls.”

“I wasn’t! I don’t! That’s not what I said!” Rhodie squeaked. Then she sighed, defeated. “It was just Ash, at first, but then I started to realize I actually liked both of them. But now I just don’t know how to bring it up to them, and, y’know, Mum and Mama are always like ‘three’s a crowd’ and everything--”

“You honestly think our parents would disapprove.”

Rhodie waved her hands. “The point is, if I’m going to do something--which I might not--I want to know what I’m doing. And Garnet’s told me about you guys, so I thought maybe you’d have some polyam knowledge to share.”

“Eh, hah,” Amethyst laughed a little. “Honestly, ninety percent of the time we don’t have any idea what we’re doing.”

“And I don’t think you’d really want to follow the example of how we got together,” said Lapis.

“It wouldn’t be applicable in this situation anyway,” Peridot considered. “And if they’re conjoined twins, does it even really count as polyamory? Because--”

“Of course it is, dude.”

“Well, I'm just saying--”

“They’re still two people,” said Garnet. 

“I know, I know!” Peridot hastily defended. “I’m just saying that technically, at least part of them is for all intents and purposes one person--”

Rhodie shrugged. “That’s the excuse I’ll give Mama if she says anything.”

“The only thing either of our mothers is going to say when you get with those girls is ‘congratulations’,” Garnet insisted.

“Yeah, alright, Miss Psychic,” Rhodie dismissed. “Can’t use your fortunetelling powers to find out how I get with those girls?”

“That would be cheating.”

Lapis smiled. “Well, I have one piece of advice that’s worked for me so far. And that’s that if you love someone, all you need is to do all you can to make them happy, and things’ll work out.”

“That simple, huh?” Rhodie smiled. “Well, sounds like a good plan to me for now.”

For a calm moment, there was agreeable silence--well, except for the quiet sound of Peridot struggling to lift the dumbbell in her hands. Then:

“Garnet, where’s Padparadscha?”

“Still over with Steven.”

Rhodie let out a short screech and whirled to go find her little sister. “You can’t leave her alone with all those machines! She needs an adult!”

“You worry too much,” Garnet said, but Rhodie was already gone.

Peridot dropped her dumbbell again, panting. “All right. I can’t do it. I guess my strength is just always going to be intellectual instead of physical.”

“I think you’re just a little dehydrated, P,” Amethyst said, putting down her weights and picking up the green metal water bottle on the floor beside Peridot’s bench. She shook it, finding it empty, and held it out toward Lapis. “You’re not doing anything, right?”

“I’ll fill yours, too,” Lapis said, pointing to the crinkled plastic Dasani under Amethyst’s bench.

“Sure, if you want.” Amethyst gave both bottles to Lapis and chuckled a little. “Be our official water girl.”

“Lapis Lazuli, water girl. Has a nice ring to it.” Lapis smiled and headed toward the drinking fountain.

***

About an hour and two refills later, Garnet decided to accompany Lapis to the drinking fountain with an empty water bottle of her own, declining Lapis’s offer to fill it up for her.

“Well, you can go first then. Since I’ve got two and you’ve only got one,” Lapis insisted.

But Garnet just held up a hand. “I can wait.”

“O-okay, then.” Lapis carefully positioned the mouth of Amethyst’s water bottle under the stream and waited. Garnet stood beside the fountain, arms crossed.

Awkward, Lapis tapped her foot and glanced around. Being around people she didn’t know was one thing when people she did know were there too, but it was another when she was alone. Part of her wanted to say something, but Garnet seemed perfectly comfortable with the silence.

Saving her, Steven approached with a limp jump rope in his hand and a sheen of sweat across his forehead. “Garnet, can we go home soon?” he said between heavy breaths. “I’m all workout-ed out.”

“We’ll leave in a few minutes. Go ask--”

Suddenly Garnet stood up straighter, squaring her shoulders. “Lapis, don’t turn around.”

Lapis pulled Peridot’s water bottle away from the fountain and furrowed her brow. “Wh--”

“ _ Don’t  _ turn around.”

Lapis stood still, lips tightly locked, and looked to Steven. Steven leaned a little to look around her at the large windows spanning the front wall.

“There’s a cool red car that just pulled into the parking lot,” Steven said. “And there’s people getting out of it. They’re not coming in yet, though, they’re just talking.” He turned to Garnet. “Do you know them?”

“Nope.” Garnet stepped toward Lapis, then stepped past her. Still Lapis didn’t move.

“Well, the driver’s wearing a red shirt and has really big curly hair,” Steven described. “One of the girls in the backseat looks a lot like her, except she’s dressed a little nicer and has glasses. Maybe they’re sisters?”

“Tell Lapis what the person from the passenger seat looks like,” Garnet ordered.

“Oh, um--”

Lapis dared a glance over her shoulder, but to no avail--Garnet had moved right behind her, blocking all sight between her and this mysterious car.

“--she’s super tall and beefy, and her hair’s really long. Her skin’s sort of a medium brown, but her hair’s really light. I think it’s dyed?”

Lapis’s stomach filled with thorns.

No, no, it couldn’t be her. It was a vague description, it could be anyone, it  _ wasn’t  _ her--

“She actually looks kind of familiar. Ooh, they’re coming up now--”

“Can you see her nose?” Lapis asked in a panic. It  _ couldn’t  _ be her, it  _ couldn’t  _ be her, but she just had to think of something quick to make sure-- “Is her nose kind of crooked with a scar across it?”

“I don’t know. I can’t see that far.”

“Better not risk it,” Garnet warned, putting her hand on Lapis’s shoulder.

Lapis yanked away from the touch and whirled around, fists clenched.

“There’s another door out back,” Garnet said, calm against Lapis’s tension but still urgent. “Get Amethyst and Peridot and leave. We’ll cover for you.”

Lapis nodded and took off.

“We need to leave,” she said hushedly as she reached Amethyst and Peridot, handing them each their water bottles. “Garnet thinks something bad’s going on.”

“Did she have any specifics?” Amethyst asked.

“It’s just–”

The bell over the front door dinged. 

Lapis was out the back exit, running, her heart thrumming. 

She was halfway to the next store behind the gym before her girlfriends caught up.

“What the heck was  _ she _ doing here?” Amethyst hissed.

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” Lapis buried her fingers in her hair, barely slowing down. It was her, she had almost seen her– “How could she find me again? How could she know I would be there?!”

“Hold on, think about it,” Peridot reasoned, jogging to keep up with Lapis’s frantic pace. “The tournament’s in three days, and this team is coming from miles away–they probably just got here early and are staying for a while. And they don’t want to lose their workout schedule, so they’re going for the closest local gym they can find. And that’s the one that’s closest to the school, so…”

“I guess that makes sense,” said Amethyst. “Rotten timing, though.”

They’d reached the next building; Lapis turned around and leaned heavily against the wall, hands still to head. “She was so close to finding us again. If Garnet and Steven hadn’t warned me to get out–if we’d stayed there any longer–”

“How does Garnet do that, anyway?” Peridot asked.

“I told you, she’s psychic. She’s just got a feel for omens and the future and stuff.”

Lapis shook her head, their words having fallen numbly on her ears. “If she had found us and hurt either of you, I would’ve never forgiven myself.”

“What? Dude, what she does isn’t your fault, okay?” Amethyst placed her hand on Lapis’s, a gentler gesture than her tone would have foreshadowed. “If she wants to dink around and pick fights or something, that’s her problem. You don’t have to feel like you’re still tied up to her.”

Lapis gritted her teeth. Then she inhaled, then she loosened, then she exhaled. She moved her hand to hold Amethyst’s and gripped it tight. Peridot took her other hand, comforting just with her presence.

Inhale. Exhale.

“Okay,” Lapis murmured. “Okay, I think–I think I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” Peridot asked softly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lapis opened her hands and dropped them, empty, to her sides. “It’s probably getting late. I should head back to work.”

“Oh,” Peridot said, pulling her hand back to hold to her chest. “Yes, I guess–I guess I should too.”

Amethyst stepped back. “Yeah. Okay. See you guys back at home, then?”

Lapis nodded and headed toward the bus stop without another word.

***

The late shift was slow that night. After half an hour passed with no customers, Lapis slouched forward to lean on the counter and could feel herself disengaging from reality. Her only coworker present, Jenny, was over dozing by the drive-thru window. The windows across from her were totally dark–all she could see was blackness and vague, blurry reflections. Occasionally the headlights of a car would go by, and if she squinted she could maybe make out the street outside, but beyond that for all she knew this McDonald’s could have sunk into the void.

That would be nice. Jasper couldn’t find her in the void.

Lapis wrapped her arms around herself.

The day had started out so fine. Things had been going so perfectly normally. But then her stupid ex just happened to be in the same building as her for like thirty seconds and suddenly she couldn’t think of anything else. She should be over it by now, right? They’d gotten out safe, she was far away again, she should be able to just continue with her day. 

If this was how she reacted now, what would she do at the tournament?

The door opened. Lapis shot to her feet.

“Surprise!” Amethyst and Peridot greeted, not quite in unison.

“Hey!” Lapis said, managing to make her voice cheerful but not quite achieving a smile. “What are you two doing here?”

“Ordering…” Amethyst squinted at the menu boards behind Lapis’s head. “Two of the just regular hamburgers, and some fries, aaand do you guys still do that one chicken sandwich that’s just, like, the chicken and two pickles and no sauce or anything? Cus I never see it on the menus anymore.”

“The Southern Style thing? Probably.”

“Okay, I don’t want that. Three hamburgers.”

“I don’t think eating that much this late at night is healthy,” Lapis said, but she was already typing the order into the register.

“Eh, I’ll share with Per.”

Lapis glanced back at  still-snoozing Jenny and held in a sigh. Making all that food herself wouldn’t be  _ hard, _ per se, but…

“You were lying about being okay before.”

Lapis looked up at Peridot. “What? No, I wasn’t.”

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Told you she’d say that. You can’t just drop it like that. You gotta be subtle.”

“I’m fine, you guys,” Lapis argued. “Honest.”

“You are not,” Peridot insisted. “You’re closing off and spacing out like every time something about Jasper happens.”

“And that’s totally valid for you to do that, but–” Amethyst clicked her tongue. “You don’t have to pretend everything’s peachy to us. We know what’s up.”

After a moment, Lapis sighed heavily and folded her arms on the counter.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “I just–I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just that every single time she comes up, I--”

Peridot took her hand and looked her in the eye. Lapis bit her tongue.

She could think about it. She could talk about it.

“I bet it’s mostly guilt,” she conceded.  “I don’t want to see her and own up to my mistakes.”

“Or maybe you don’t wanna see her cus she’s a creepy abusive stalker and you’re rightfully kinda scared?” Amethyst replied.

“Well, the stalker part’s objectively true,” Lapis murmured. “Maybe part of it’s because I never actually officially ended things with her, technically. There was no actual breakup confrontation or anything.”

Peridot frowned and glanced at Amethyst. “Is that gonna be a problem for us?”

“Nah, I love you two more than I ever cared about her,” Lapis said.

Amethyst scoffed. “That’s gay.”

“Yeah.” Lapis smirked briefly. “But most of me wants to avoid ever having that confrontation. And then there’s another little part of me that I keep suppressing that does want to do something about it, something to…I don’t know. Get closure or something. Make sure everyone knows once and for all that I don’t want her in my life anymore.”

“Well, what about us?” Peridot asked, squeezing her hand a little. “If you have us, that must mean you don’t want her, right?”

Finally managing a hint of a smile, Lapis drew Peridot’s hand up to her lips and pressed a gentle kiss to her fingers. “I do love you.” She ran her thumb along Peridot’s knuckles. “That should be enough, but…”

She trailed off. Behind her, she could hear somebody coming up to the drive-thru and waking Jenny up. She held Peridot’s hand a little tighter.

“What if I beat her at this thing?” Amethyst said suddenly. “Will that help you get closure?”

Lapis looked up at her and blinked. “What?”

“If I beat Jasper at the wrestling tournament, will it help you get closure?” Amethyst repeated. “Because if I can make it matter to you, I know I can win it.”

“No, I don’t deserve that,” Lapis denied, shaking her head. “You can do it for yourself. You  _ should  _ do it for yourself.”

“But that’s it! It’s just like what you told Garnet’s sister earlier!” Peridot grinned. “We want you to be happy. So doing something for you is really just doing something for ourselves.”

“And it’ll be partially just for myself.” Amethyst cracked her knuckles. “Getting revenge on the jerk who broke my hand and giving my girlfriend some peace of mind.”

“Well, when you put it that way, I guess I’ll take it.” Lapis held out her other hand for Amethyst to take and fully smiled.

Maybe it would help. Silly as it may be, maybe something about the symbolism would click the switch in her subconscious that she needed. 

“Hey, are y’all done with your little moment over there?”

Lapis turned, and Peridot and Amethyst followed her gaze. Jenny was on her tiptoes with her hand out the window and a half-grin on her face, looking at something outside. She pulled her hand back in and waved it at them, flicking off tiny glittery drops of water.

“It’s snowing,” Jenny announced. “Looks like it’s been for a while now.”

Amethyst and Peridot bolted out the door, and Lapis almost fell off the counter in trying to climb over it.

The trees and the bushes were blanketed. The rooftops and the sidewalks, too.  The whole parking lot only had one sole set of tire tracks interrupting the expanse. The whole night was silver and blue and white, the moon and the headlights and the streetlights sparkling on the snow--a shimmer on every inch that had already fallen, a twinkle on every flake that continued to fall. It was a thin blanket, for sure, barely an even half-inch, but a blanket nonetheless.

Lapis stared up at the sky, open-mouthed. Her work hat fell off and landed on the ground.

“Wooo!” Amethyst hollered, running into the empty parking lot. Peridot gave a half-laugh, half-yell and followed her out, quickly bending down to scoop up some snow in her bare hands and throw it into the air.

“I’m a snowman!” Peridot declared. Amethyst laughed and kicked some more snow at her.

Lapis giggled at her girlfriends; then, her amusement turning a little more sinister, she reached for the snow topping the shrubbery beside her and shaped a handful into a ball.

“Hey, Amethyst!”

Amethyst turned. “What?”

_ Thwap! _

The snowball exploded flawlessly against the side of her head.

Amethyst gasped. Peridot cackled.

“Oh, it is  _ on!”  _

Soon they were locked in an amazingly classic snowball fight--no tactics, no strategy, every woman for herself. Peridot’s throws were surprisingly powerful and unsurprisingly precise; Amethyst’s, vice versa, though with a little less precision and more power based on the sheer size of her snowballs. Lapis decided to forgo both precision and power in favor of just quantity, shoveling up snow and pelting as much as she could. Their laughs and shrieks rose into the air as a pleasant complement to the flakes that fell.

Lapis would head back in to close up later. And later, they’d all go home to warm up. And later-- _ much _ later--they might even finish laughing and fall asleep.

Not yet, though. Not yet.


	19. Final Match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. disclaimer i know like nothing about actual college wrestling i just made pretty much all of this up so if u are knowledgable about it irl props to you and also forgive me  
> 2\. yesterday was apparently the official one year and one month anniversary of when i first posted the first chapter of this fic.....it's been a wild ride. i know ive said this before a lot but gosh seriously thanks for stickin around

She was underwater. She could breathe fine and she could see fine, but she was still underwater, and she didn’t like it.

So she tried to swim up to the surface, but her arms wouldn’t answer her. She tried to look down and see what was wrong, but her head wouldn’t respond either. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t feel anything holding her down, though--where were her arms? Where was her body? Did she even have a body to begin with?

She saw something floating up around her, pale and swirling. It was hair, long bleached hair, drifting by her vision from somewhere behind her. It wasn’t her hair, was it? If not hers, then whose?

 

“Lapis. Lapis, wake up.”

Peridot was whispering her name. Lapis cracked open her eyes and brushed away her dyed-blue hair with the back of her hand. After a second her sight adjusted, and Peridot came into focus: kneeling on the mattress beside her, a wrinkled flannel shirt from Amethyst draped loosely on her frame, her hand hovering just above Lapis’s bare shoulder. Her glasses were perched on top of her head, held in place by stuck-up strands of hair. The room was still dark.

Lapis sat up and rubbed one eye. “What time is it?”

“Five fifty-two,” Peridot answered quickly. “I was going to let you sleep, but then I was getting bored and also it looked like you were having a nightmare.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Lapis denied, shaking her head. “What are you doing up?”

“Amethyst left about an hour ago.”

“What? Where’d she go?”

“To the gym.” Peridot shifted her legs til she was sitting criss-cross-applesauce, like a first grader, hands in her lap. “She said she had to spend the whole day getting ready for the tournament.”

Lapis unconsciously straightened her back a little. “Oh. That’s tonight.”

“And she said she needed extra focus so she doesn’t want us around getting in the way.”

“She didn't say that.”

“It's what it felt like,” Peridot mumbled.

Lapis smiled flatly. “I guess we're just all under a lot of stress about this. But she still wants us to be at the tournament and cheer her on, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then.” Lapis reached up with one hand to gently pull Peridot’s glasses off her head. She folded them up and placed them on her nightstand. “You should go back to sleep. You don’t have class until eight.”

Peridot yawned and leaned to rest her forehead on Lapis’s collarbone. “But I’m not tiiii-red.”

“Well, I am.” Lapis lay back down on her pillow, pulling Peridot down with her. Peridot didn’t put up much of a fight. “And we’d both better be well-rested for the thing, so that means all the sleep we can get.”

Peridot closed her eyes; Lapis kept hers open. She ran a hand paper-light over Peridot's hair, fluffy and short and almost-yellow blonde.

The nightmares had been getting more frequent lately. It probably wasn't hard to guess why.

Lapis pursed her lips and tucked both hands under her head.

***

“Aha. Okay.”

Lapis looked up from her project. Vidalia stood beside her, one hand on her hip and the other under her chin.

“So what’s this piece you’re working on?” Vidalia asked, thoughts of a smirk on her lips.

Lapis looked down. She was supposed to be making something from sculpting clay based on a design a few weeks old–but all she’d been doing with the clay so far was smashing it into a smaller and smaller pancake.

“I guess I might be a little tense,” Lapis admitted.

“More than a little, according to that clay,” Vidalia replied before starting to walk off. “Use that! Embrace it!”

Lapis shoved the heel of her hand into the center of the pancake. Her skin broke through the clay and skidded on the tabletop underneath.

What if Amethyst didn’t win against Jasper?

Even with all of Amethyst’s tips and tricks and training, Jasper still had the physical advantage. And Jasper had beaten Amethyst before. Not to mention there was nothing Jasper wouldn’t do if her pride was at stake, and if Lapis was there too and if Jasper got the slightest idea that showing off would make Lapis take her back--

No, Amethyst could win. She could. She would. She had to.

But if she didn’t…

Lapis pulled the edges of her broken pancake in and started smushing the clay into a tight ball. 

***

What if Jasper saw her at the match and came after her?

What if Amethyst got hurt?

What if Peridot got hurt?

What if Jasper stayed in town after the tournament was over?

What if Lapis saw her and–

“Are you still there?”

Lapis blinked hard and adjusted her headset. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

“Two cheeseburger meals, one with a small chocolate shake and one with a strawberry…”

_ Don’t think about it. _ She typed the order in.  _ Don’t think about her. _

***

_ what if _

_ what if _

_ what if  _

_ what if _

“Paz, pay attention.”

_ but what if but what if but what if but what if _

***

“Are you ready for this?” Peridot asked.

Lapis tugged at the hem of her sweatshirt, nervously rubbing her fingers against the fabric. “No.”

The gym was mostly dark but for a light over the wrestling mat, and the bleachers were full. Lapis sat on the end of the bench, close to the door, with Peridot right beside her. Steven was there, too, and the rest of the family--Greg, Garnet, Pearl.  

They’d been here for nine matches so far--the one currently going on was the tenth, and the last would be the eleventh. Amethyst had been in four, all of which she won--Lapis didn’t expect to be so impressed, but each fight was almost awestriking. Jasper had been in three, none of which Lapis saw--she managed to leave the room each time between the announcement of the players and their arrival.

But after this fight, it would be both of them. It would be  _ it.  _ It would be the final match, Amethyst versus Jasper. After that, it would be over.

“Don’t worry, Lapis, it's gonna be great!” Steven grinned. “After this is Amethyst’s last fight, right? And then she'll have won the whole thing! Right, Garnet?”

“I don't know,” Lapis replied. “I don't wanna jinx it or anything.”

“Well, look at it this way.” Peridot took Lapis’s hand. “We're all here to cheer for Amethyst, right? And how many people are cheering for Jasper? Zero!”

“Wait, zero?” Steven's grin shrank. “That's kinda sad.”

Lapis gritted her teeth.

“Never mind. I'm fine,” she insisted. “It's gonna be fine. I'm fine.”

The match on the floor ended.

“Yi wins!” declared the announcer. “That's another victory for Empire City, putting both teams at a tie. Next up will be the final match to determine the championship.”

_ You can do this,  _ Lapis told herself.  _ You can do this. You have to do this. You’ve got to be here for Amethyst. _

“From the home team, Amethyst Quartz--”

Amethyst stepped back into the light, flashing a big smile and a pair of peace signs. Enthusiastic shouts rose all around her; Lapis clapped and managed a loud “Woo!”

“--and from the visiting team--”

Lapis dropped her hands and held her breath.

“--Jasper Brooks!”

Lapis clenched her fingers around the edges of her seat. 

_ Keep it together, this is for Amethyst, you’ve got to support Amethyst-- _

Amethyst’s opponent stepped up to the mat. Tall, powerful, stone-faced. Her hair in a messy bun, her arms and shoulders bare, her fists clenched tight, and it wasn’t until now that Lapis realized this was her first time seeing her since before the breakup, and it wasn’t until now that Lapis realized that oh geez the  _ way she looked-- _

\--and she started to turn her face toward the crowd--

\--and Lapis fled.

Lapis bolted from her seat, not thinking about what she was doing or where she was going until she was out of the room and the door clicked shut behind her. She pressed her back against the nearest wall and wrapped her arms tight around herself. Her breath didn’t slow.

The door reopened. “Lapis! Are you okay?”

Peridot.

Lapis shook her head. “I can’t--I can’t look at her. I can’t let her see me. I’m sorry, I just--”

“Do you want me to stay out here with you?” Peridot asked softly.

“No, no.” She shook her head again. “Amethyst needs you more than I do right now. I can handle this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” A swallow, a nod. “Hurry back in or you’ll miss the match.”

Peridot hesitated, but then straightened her shoulders like a soldier at attention. “Smooch me. Quick.”

Lapis obeyed. And Peridot was gone.

Alone again, Lapis grimaced and shoved her hands over her face. The heels of her hands pressed into her eye sockets, pushing blackness spotted with imaginary color across her vision.

_ Weak. Pathetic. Coward. _

She put her hands over her ears. No, she didn’t want to be weak, that’s not what she was. Sure, she was scared, but--but she had a right to be, didn’t she? She was allowed to want to avoid this, wasn’t she?

But she was more in love with Amethyst than she was scared of Jasper, wasn’t she?

Lapis took a deep breath.

She was here for Amethyst.

She clenched her teeth, squeezed her eyes shut, and flung the door open.

 

_ “GO, AMETHYST, GO!” _

 

Her eyes opened.

They met another pair, light brown, almost orange, the color and the shape of them locking right into the space etched for them in Lapis’s memory.

And then the door closed again, and Lapis slammed back against the brick wall.

_ She saw me she saw me she heard me she saw me I saw her-- _

Lapis inhaled and exhaled and inhaled and exhaled. 

_ No, no, don’t worry about her. Just focus on thinking about Amethyst. Just think about Amethyst and Peridot and Steven and-- _

_ \--Jasper Jasper Jasper Jasper-- _

_ \--Amethyst Peridot Amethyst Peridot Amethyst Peridot Amethyst Peridot Amethyst Amethyst Amethyst Amethyst-- _

Through the door, she heard the voice of the announcer start to say something; she held her breath to listen.

_ \--Amethyst Amethyst Amethyst-- _

“Oh! And it looks like--”

For a split second the entire universe fell silent and dark, everything under the stars disappearing but for Lapis and the announcer’s words.

“--Quartz is the winner!”

And the lights exploded back on.

_ “Yes! Yes! Yes!” _ Lapis screamed, jumping into the air and pumping her fist, barely able to hear herself over the joyous shouts inside the gym. Bright, weightless tears splashed from her eyes.

“Ending Brooks’s previously undefeated streak--”

She spun in place and laughed, high and wild.

“--and winning the tournament for Beach City!”

Peridot’s unmistakable voice rocketed up above the rest of the crowd in a wordless victory screech. Lapis laughed harder and buried her hands in her hair.

Something in her heart was swelling, or dancing, or falling into place--she couldn’t tell exactly what the feeling was, but it was good.

It was over. It was finished. It was won.

Lapis held her hands to her chest and felt her heart beating, just making sure--yes, it was still there, yes, it was still in one piece. It hadn’t felt this whole in a long, long time.

She leaned back and sank against the wall to the floor, legs shaking and wet eyes pointed upward. The cheers inside the gym kept ringing. 

A hundred starlit years could have passed that way, with no more movement in the world. For all Lapis could feel, that’s exactly what happened.

Of course, it wasn’t really a hundred years; it was really less than an hour. And then the door beside her opened, and people started filing out, and Lapis came back to earth and dried her eyes and pushed herself to her feet.

The people leaving now weren’t familiar to Lapis, mostly--there were some spectators, people she might’ve seen on campus or around town in passing; some wrestlers from the home team, some from the visiting, changed back into civilian clothes. One Empire City girl in impressively short shorts gave Lapis a smile, and Lapis couldn’t help but smile back--though her main focus was on looking for Amethyst and Peridot.

“Lapis! You’re still here!”

Steven broke out of the line and jumped to hug Lapis. Lapis beamed and hugged him back as Greg appeared beside them.

“We got a little worried when you ran out and Peridot came back without you,” Greg said. “You feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling fantastic,” Lapis replied, grin widening. “Where is Peridot? And Amethyst?”

“Still in there. They said they’d be a while.” Greg pointed his thumb back at the gym. “Do you wanna stick around for them or d’you want us to give you a ride home?”

“Yeah! Ride with us!”

Lapis peered through the door and scanned through the few stragglers. There--she spied Amethyst sitting at the front of the bleachers, chatting a little with Pearl and Garnet. Peridot sat near her, eagerly talking and looking at something on her phone. Between them--

Jasper.

Jasper was sitting on the bench between Amethyst and Peridot, shoulders hunched, arms resting on her knees and hands loosely folded. Her hair had fallen out of its bun into a ponytail that she had draped over one shoulder, and she had changed into a plain red t-shirt and ripped jeans. 

She was listening to Peridot. Really, visibly listening. Her face, her expression, was a look Lapis had rarely seen before--calm, earnest interest in what she was hearing, not shaded with any pride or anger or bitterness.

Peridot showed Jasper whatever was on her phone, still talking. As Lapis watched, Pearl and Garnet said goodbye and Amethyst turned and leaned over Jasper to look at Peridot’s phone as well. Jasper said something with a sarcastic smirk, and Amethyst laughed, and Peridot responded with renewed excitement, smiling wide and gesturing animatedly.

Lapis’s numb, befuddled brain managed to form a thought.

_ What in the ever-loving-- _

“Lapis?”

She turned around. Steven and Greg were waiting for an answer.

“Oh,” she said. “Um…no, I-I’ll stay. I can walk out to your car with you, though.”

Steven gave a little cheer and grabbed Lapis’s hand, and she silently let him pull her along.

“So what was your favorite thing that you saw today, Shtooball?” Greg asked.

“Oh, man, there was a lot!” Steven said. “There was the part in the first match where the one girl did that thing--”

But though she tried, Lapis didn’t manage to listen to his words for more than a second before zoning out again. While he kept talking and reliving the coolest parts of the tournament, she took her hand from his to pull out her phone and opened up a text to Amethyst.

Peridot had been friends with Jasper when they were kids. She could at least see a little bit of sense in that. But Amethyst?

For the first few seconds she just stared at the screen, watching the cursor blink above the keyboard. She glanced at the last-sent texts above that ( _ “yeh but pers doesnt Get surrealist memes lik u do” “Yeah, fair enough” _ ), but they expectedly didn’t help at all.

_ Hey, how come you’re _

No, that felt weird. What would even come after that? How come you’re hanging out with my ex who attacked and threatened you like now she’s all of a sudden your best friend? No, no, no--Lapis hit backspace until the draft was empty.

_ hey wtf are you d _

Nope, backspace, too harsh. She wasn’t--she wasn’t really  _ mad  _ at Amethyst. She was just really surprised and confused and maybe a little bit upset, but not angry, really. Mostly confused.

_ what are y _

No.

_ What are you doing _

She held her thumb above the ‘send’ button for a few seconds.

“Lapis?”

She looked up.

“We’re gonna head out now,” Greg said. “Are you gonna be okay out here on your own?” 

“I’ll be fine,” Lapis replied dismissively. “I’ll just--yeah. I’m fine.”

“Is Jasper Brooks the girl that scared you when we were at the gym with Garnet the other day?” Steven asked.

Lapis frowned a little. “Yeah. We kind of have a bad history together.”

But she wasn’t scared anymore, somehow. She wasn’t worried that Peridot and Amethyst would get hurt, or that she would get hurt, or that she’d want to go back. She just...

“I just don’t know why Amethyst and Peridot are being nice to her all of a sudden,” she finished.

“Well, maybe she’s turned over a new leaf since you saw her last,” Greg said, shrugging a little. “You never know.”

_ People change. _

Lapis’s phone buzzed. Her hand jumped to her pocket.

“We better get out of here. It’s past this guy’s bedtime,” Greg said with a ruffle of Steven's hair, drawing Lapis's attention away before she could read her text. “It's good to see you, Lapis. Hope everything turns out alright.”

Lapis raised a hand in quiet thanks as Steven opened the passenger door of his dad's van. “Bye, Lapis!”

“See ya.”

She stepped out of the way. The van pulled back, then turned and rumbled off.

Lapis looked down again at her phone to see the source of the buzz. Her heart skipped a little--she’d hit ‘send’ on her question without meaning to, and now here was Amethyst’s response.

_ ah srory me&p r gonna stay awhile. were uhhhh talkin w/jasper _

_ i think losing did her some good _

Lapis blinked once, twice. Another message from Amethyst came in.

_ is tat like. is that chill w u? r you ok? _

For a moment she considered saying 'no.’ No, this was too weird, too wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

But her girlfriends were smart people. If they were talking with Jasper, they must have a reason. If they said losing had done her good, it must be true.

_ I'm fine if you're fine,  _ Lapis tapped out. _ I’ll wait outside for you. Be safe, ok? I love you _

Send.

_ u got it chief luv y 2 _

_ also uh _

_ unrelatd but _

_ thanks _

Lapis paused for a second. Then she smiled a little, sent back a single plain heart, and sat down on the curb.

***

And so she sat. She rested her arms on her knees and burrowed as deep as she could into her sweatshirt against the cold. People trickled out of the gym for a little while, and then the parking lot was empty but for Peridot’s truck and a few others. When she got bored--and started overthinking--she pulled out her phone to see if she could mooch off the gym’s wifi and stream some pirated Camp Pining Hearts or something. Just to keep her distracted for a while.

Light snowflakes floated through the dim rays of the streetlamps illuminating the lot. Fog puffed up from her lips with each breath. The sound of her phone faintly echoed in the empty air.

Then, finally, she heard the  _ click  _ of the door behind her opening and Peridot’s voice striding out, and she jumped to her feet.

“--or three drops of it land on her dress, and she up and starts  _ screaming _ ,” Peridot was telling Amethyst, who was close behind her. “And so--Lapis!”

Lapis smiled at Peridot’s exuberant greeting. Peridot flung her arms around Lapis and pressed her lips to her cheek with a loud “Mwah!”

Amethyst sidled up beside them, wearing a self-satisfied smirk, apparently poised to deliver some cheesy one-liner. But Lapis didn’t let her say it before grabbing her by the shoulder and pulling her into a kiss.

“You did it,” Lapis said, breaking away and tenderly pushing Amethyst’s hair away from her eyes.

Amethyst breathed out a laugh. “Yeah.”

“You should’ve seen it!” Peridot gushed, one arm dropping to Lapis’s waist and the other pantomiming her words. “Amethyst went all ‘Hyah! Wapow!’ and Jasper was all ‘Waaa!’--”

Lapis’s smile flickered. “Where, uh--where is Jasper?”

Peridot hesitated, but Amethyst said, “She’s still inside. She’s waiting for…”

“She said she wanted to talk to you,” Peridot finished.

The smile disappeared.

“But we said only if you agreed first,” Amethyst said.

Peridot nodded. “Only if you’re okay.”

“Like, actually okay and sure about it and not lying.”

“And if at any point you get uncomfortable at all--”

“--we’re gonna whip her trash again.”

Lapis wrapped her arms around herself. “When you say she’s inside, do you mean--”

She glanced at the gym door, the pale painted surface and the cold silver handle.

“--like, right inside?”

Another moment of hesitation.

“How are you feeling?” Amethyst asked, laying a hand on Lapis's arm.

“Happy,” Lapis said automatically. “I’m happy. I’m really happy for you.”

Amethyst gave a brief almost-smile. “How’re you feeling about Jasper?”

“I don’t know,” Lapis admitted, her gaze drifting back to the door. “I guess a little stunned, mostly. And confused. But not angry. And not scared.”

It wasn't until she said it aloud that the truth of it fully settled in her core. She wasn't really angry at Jasper anymore. She didn't feel  _ right,  _ but she wasn't angry at her. She wasn't really scared of her, either. And she wasn't scared of herself. And she wasn't scared of what would happen if she faced her.

Oh.

So this was what she needed.

Amethyst’s victory had meant something, to be sure–it had meant the world. It was huge. It was vital. It was  _ Amethyst’s. _

But now it was time for Lapis’s victory. Time to face things. Time to get her own closure.

Lapis sucked a lungful of air through her nose, pushing back her shoulders and lifting her chin. Amethyst and Peridot removed their touch from her, leaving cold spaces where their hands had been. Lapis gave them each a glance--a silent  _ thank you, _ a silent  _ I love you, _ a silent  _ I trust you, _ a silent  _ I'm ready. _

She stepped forward and opened the door.

Jasper was leaning against the wall a little ways down, picking at her fingernails. When the door opened, she looked up; when she saw who it was, she slowly straightened. She slid her hands into the pockets of her jeans, leaving the thumbs sticking out. There was a light bruise starting to shine on one cheek. Her hair was longer than the last time Lapis had seen her, but beyond that nothing seemed to have changed. Her lips were pursed. Her eyes were still. Uncertain, but unmoving. 

“Hey,” Lapis said.

Jasper’s lips parted. “Hey.”


	20. Calm Stage

The hotel that the Empire City team had reserved to stay in during the tournament wasn’t very far from the gym. They agreed together that Jasper would drive Lapis over there so they could talk alone, then take her back home when they were done. Amethyst and Peridot would keep their phones on them at all times, ready for Lapis to call at the very first slightest sign of trouble--just in case.

So there they were, Lapis and Jasper, next to each other again. Jasper driving with her hands on the wheel at the exact perfect ten-and-two, Lapis slouching in the passenger seat with her knees against the glovebox. Just like before, it seemed. But really, beyond the surface, it was nothing like before--not by a long shot.

It was sort of funny.

On the bus away from Empire City all those months ago, Lapis had looked up all she could on the signs of an abusive relationship; she was never able to decide if it quite counted if both parties were guilty--or if it counted twice as much--but beyond that, everything seemed to fit her and Jasper perfectly. The gifts, the attention, the affection; the jealousy, the possession, the isolation; the tension, the conflict, the buildup, and then the explosion and the anger and the strife and the pain. Then the apology, the promise to forgive, the calm, rinse and repeat.

But even then, the calm stage--the in-between, the honeymoon phase, where everything was fine--was never quite that calm.

Or, at least, never as calm as this. It was awkward now, to be sure--but calm.

“Your hair's shorter,” Jasper said, briefly glancing over.

“Oh. Um, yeah.” Lapis absentmindedly ran her hand over her head. “I cut it right before moving out.”

“It looks good.”

Lapis smiled a little. “Your hair's longer.”

“Yeah, it...grew.”

Lapis smiled wider. “So how’s life been for you?”

“Short version? Bad.”

“Oh. Right.” The smile disappeared.  _ Wrong question, stupid question, ask a different question--  _ “Um...have you been dating anyone?”

Jasper shrugged. “Not steady. Off and on, here and there. I actually, um--I had a date lined up for this weekend while we’re still in town.”

“Really?” Lapis raised an eyebrow. “With who?”

“From the team. One of the Yi sisters.”

“Oh, I saw some of their matches. Wait, wait, don’t tell me which one it is.” Lapis tapped her chin. “It’s not the one with the navel piercing.”

“Nope.”

“It’s not Miss Leggy in the Daisy Dukes, is it?”

“No. And that’s not her name.”

“I don’t know any of their first names,” Lapis defended. “Oh! It’s, um--” She pointed at her eye, searching for how to verbalize what she was thinking. “Eyeball. With the scar.”

“Ruby. Yeah.”

Another little smile. “Where’s she taking you?”

The car stopped--they’d reached the hotel. Jasper cut the engine and leaned back.

“She asked me to go to the museum. Your art show.” Her voice was low. “That’s where I got the flier.” She folded her arms across her chest, gaze distant. “But that’s obviously not happening.”

Again the smile faded. “Oh.”

Before a silence could stretch, Jasper undid her seatbelt and opened the door. Instead of getting out, though, she paused. A second passed. She closed the door again.

“Do you remember that picture you framed on my nightstand as a joke?” Jasper asked. “The one we took in front of that hotel. Where you’re sticking your tongue out and flipping off the camera.”

Lapis snorted at the memory, but didn’t dare smile again. “Yeah. What about it?”

“It’s still there,” Jasper said. She leaned back in her seat. “I think when I get home I’ll finally throw it out.”

Solemn again, Lapis nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

“Amethyst told me,” Jasper said, words halting and unsure, “that. You. Felt bad about how things were. About…how you treated me.”

Lapis folded her hands a little tighter.

“I never really thought about how bad we really were. I figured I always deserved whatever you did,” Jasper continued. “Then afterward I was just mad at you for leaving and myself for not being good enough to keep you. Started thinking the only way I could prove I wasn’t a failure was to get you back.”

Lapis pursed her lips. “That’s why you--”

“Yeah.” Jasper curled her fingers around the steering wheel. “But that was wrong. I was wrong.”

She took a deep breath, in, out.

“It shouldn’t’ve taken getting my butt kicked like that for me to realize it, but it did. I'm not...I'm not perfect. I can't win everything. And I'm gonna live with that. I'm gonna live without you. So...I’m sorry.”

Lapis blinked, surprised. Her mouth opened, then closed.

“What?” Jasper said, a bit of color rising to her cheeks.

“Nothing, I just--” Lapis shook her head. “I just thought I would be the one apologizing. I should be the one apologizing.” She hunched her shoulders. “I was the one always trying to control everything you did, I was the one who hit first most of the time. And I was the one who just left you in the dirt without saying anything.”

Jasper _ hmph_ed. “At least you were smart enough to get over it so quick.”

“I didn't, though,” Lapis said, eyes lifting, voice lowering. “I never stopped thinking about you. I tried, but without Amethyst and Peridot, I couldn’t. Not for a second. And even then, I mean...” Her hands returned to fidgeting with the hem of her sweatshirt. “We’ve been apart for a few months. I’ve only actually been dating Peridot and Amethyst for not even two of those. But you and I--we had  _ years.  _ It’s probably gonna take at least that long for either of us to really get over it.”

Jasper was silent. She slowly dropped her hands from the steering wheel.

“And I am sorry,” Lapis said. “For everything I did. I was mean and selfish and unfair to you. It wasn’t okay. And I hope I never treat someone like that again. I never want either of us to feel like we felt with each other.”

“Yeah.”

Jasper was looking down. Lapis followed her gaze to both of their hands resting between the seats, one almost comically larger than the other. Their knuckles brushed.

“We weren't all bad, though,” Jasper said softly. “Right?”

“Maybe not. But we were a lot bad.”

“I know I loved you.” Jasper’s hand took a hold of Lapis’s. Their fingers intertwined. “It might not have been right, but it was real.”

Lapis looked up, into Jasper’s eyes.

Yeah. It had been real. The memories of the bad were certainly louder than those of the good, but that didn’t mean the good never existed. And she knew that a lot of the good was tainted by the bad, but that didn’t mean it didn’t feel good at the time.

And even now. Despite everything, Lapis still couldn’t deny that Jasper was beautiful. Her long thick hair, bright amber eyes, full lips, chiseled features, imposing stature. Some might think that her size or her crooked nose or her patchy birthmarks would detract from her looks, but they didn’t.

Before she could think, Jasper was squeezing her hand and Lapis was squeezing back, and Jasper was leaning down and closing her eyes and kissing her, crossing the space and time and barriers between them like they were nothing. And Lapis was kissing back.

And for a moment, she forgot why she'd even left in the first place. Why she'd ever been so angry, why she'd ever been so scared. 

Then the moment ended, and she remembered. 

She pulled away.

“Wait,” she said, breathless.

Jasper shifted her grasp so she was holding Lapis's wrist rather than her hand. “Come on--”

Her heart grew talons.

“Let go of my wrist,” Lapis ordered, almost in a whisper.

“Lapis--”

_ “Let go of my wrist!” _

Jasper’s grip loosened. Lapis yanked her hand free and flung it back, ready to bring it down hard.

Jasper tensed, almost flinching.

Lapis froze. 

Her hand dropped, like a marionette whose strings had been cut. No, not a cut string--a cut wire, a bomb suddenly defused.

Her movements jerky and robotic, Lapis turned to face the windshield and snapped her seatbelt into place. She shoved both hands into her lap. “Take me home. Now.”

A half-second of stillness. Lapis squeezed her eyes shut, closing herself off from anything else Jasper might try to do or say.

The car keys jingled a little, clicked, and turned. Lapis let her eyes open as the car started to move. She kept her fists locked tight between her knees, not allowing them to even shake.

***

They drove in silence. Lapis didn’t move, didn’t take her eyes off the road until they reached the apartment building.

When they did stop, Lapis immediately unbuckled and went to open her door.

“Wait,” Jasper tried, opening her own door. “Lemme come and get that--”

“Don’t. I already got it.” Lapis stood and swung the door shut.

_ SLAM. _

She winced at the loud noise. When she opened her eyes, she saw Jasper gradually releasing a clenched fist.

Lapis sighed. “Sorry. That was--sorry.”

“Yeah. Same.” Jasper lowered her arm to rest on the roof of the car. “Shouldn’t’ve kissed you like that.”

“No, I was--well--yeah.” Lapis wrapped her arms around herself. “We are really bad for each other.”

Jasper nodded. Lapis bit the inside of her cheek and slid her hands into her pockets.

“I guess this is goodbye again, then,” she said. “For real. For good.”

“Well, it’s not like we’re never gonna see or hear from each other again,” Jasper shrugged. She took her phone out of her back pocket and briefly glanced at it. “Peridot won’t stop texting me.”

Lapis snorted a little. “You guys must’ve been really close as kids, huh?”

“Barely.” Jasper was rolling her eyes as she said it and put her phone away, but then she grinned and tossed her head back. “But I can’t blame her for wanting to hang out with me.”

Lapis’s little snort turned into a full giggle. “No. You’re just too cool to resist.”

“Obviously.”

“Y’know, it’s weird to say it, but...I’m glad she likes you,” Lapis admitted. “I mean, her mom totally cut her off from everything from her old life, and I know it hurt her a lot. But at least now she can talk to you again. And I’m glad Amethyst likes you, too.”

“Yeah. She's a cooler person than I thought,” Jasper said. “I hope they make you happy.”

“They do,” Lapis replied with a small smile. “I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”

“Thanks.” 

Lapis inhaled to say something else, but realized she had nothing more to say. She exhaled, and her gaze fell to the pavement. This was it, she supposed. 

She started to turn away.

“Before you go--”

Lapis stopped and looked back at Jasper. Perhaps too quickly.

Jasper lightly drummed her fingers on the roof of the car. “I just...I probably shouldn’t ask. But...do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

Lapis flattened the line of her mouth and rubbed her arm. “I don’t know. I know I don’t expect you to forgive me. And honestly, I don’t want you to.” 

“Heh,” Jasper scoffed. “Maybe I will, then, just to spite you.”

Lapis laughed. 

“Maybe,” she said. “But I think you deserve to forgive yourself.”

Jasper bit her lip and nodded again. “Maybe someday.”

They fell quiet again. This time, though, Lapis didn’t let her eyes drop. She kept them right on Jasper, and they didn’t try to pull away.

For nearly every moment of every day since leaving, Lapis had had these memories swirling and surging, each one constantly pushing through all the others to seize her attention. Then, gradually, they had calmed down; they would still shove back up when triggered, but there were more memories--better memories--to push them aside. Now they had backed away, now they had lined up neatly into their places. Now they were settling into their boxes and sitting behind their windows, ready to wait their turn. Ready to sit back forever, if that was how it went. All Lapis had to do was close their doors and turn the keys.

“Goodbye,” Lapis said.

Jasper smiled a little. “Bye.”

Lapis glanced down and stepped backward, up onto the sidewalk. Her shoes scraped a little as she spun to face her home. Behind her she heard Jasper open and close her door, and start the car.

At the door to the building, Lapis paused, and looked back. Jasper had pulled out of the parking lot and was about to head down the street. Lapis watched her go. Before long, she was out of sight, driving further and further away, never to return.

Lapis smiled, then turned around and went inside, and closed the door behind her.


	21. J4

_ Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.  _ “Ah, c’mon!”

There was a vending machine against the wall, just inside the hotel. A short girl with a vaguely squarish afro and an old red scar on one eye was kicking and growling at it. As the door closed behind her, Jasper bent a little to peer inside the machine; sure enough, a bag of chips was stuck from falling.

“Need some help?”

Ruby looked up, her anger vanishing into surprise. “Oh. Jasper.”

Jasper stepped up to the vending machine and gave it a hefty shove with her elbow. It wobbled a little, and the bag fell free.

“Thanks.” Ruby grabbed her chips. “Did--did you want something, or--?”

Jasper shrugged and leaned against the machine. “I’m broke.”

“Oh. Um--oh, I used my last bit of cash on this. Uh--” After a second of thought, Ruby held out the bag, offering. Jasper lifted a hand to decline. Ruby dipped her head and stood back a little.

“I, um, I saw your final match,” Ruby said, popping open the chips. “It was really impressive.”

Jasper scoffed. “I lost.”

“But you held out for a long time, and the fight was amazing,” Ruby insisted.

“Well--thanks.” Jasper pushed some hair out of her face. “Yours were pretty good too. And you won most of them.”

Ruby chuckled a little. “I don’t usually win that much.”

For a few moments they stood in silence. Ruby dug through her chips, but didn’t eat any.

“Sorry for blowing you off about that date. The art thing,” Jasper said. “It’s just--stuff came up.”

“Oh. Don’t worry about it.” Ruby waved a dismissive hand, her fingertips already orange with cheesy dust. “I-I didn’t really plan much. I didn’t even know if you like art or anything, I just saw the flier and thought it might be nice while we’re here to do something and I kinda wanted to get to you before my sister did, so--it was more of an impulse ask than anything else, honestly.”

“Do you...still want to do something?”

Ruby looked up, blinked a couple times. “When?”

“...Now?” Jasper glanced away, awkward. “I know it’s late and there’s probably nothing going on, but…”

“Um, I’ve got some movies and leftovers in my room,” Ruby said, heels tapping together. “If you just want to hang out for a little bit.”

Jasper smiled, small and sincere. “Sounds perfect.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [SR](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9105340) by [Swordtheguy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swordtheguy/pseuds/Swordtheguy)
  * [If I Don't Think About the Problem, It Doesn't Exist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9106183) by [airamcg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/airamcg/pseuds/airamcg), [CoreyWW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW), [TheLillie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLillie/pseuds/TheLillie)
  * [Getting the Band Back Together](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10855377) by [CoreyWW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW)
  * [Phone Calls Are Extremely Stressful](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14444841) by [readergirl101](https://archiveofourown.org/users/readergirl101/pseuds/readergirl101)




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